A major disconnect between Speed Dating event and the results

[SilverFactory]

Hello everyone,

 

I went to a Speed Dating event yesterday and had a very good time. This is probably my 4th or 5th event. The evening went very well and I had good conversation/rapport with the ladies. They found me funny and interesting to talk to. Some of them laughed hard, some of them kept touching their hair, some kept touching my arm.. one woman repeatedly told that I am so funny.. all good stuff right? But guess what? Today I got an email informing me that NOBODY selected me! I have to say that I am shocked.

 

Now this is not the first time this is happening. It has happened before and now I am seriously wondering what is going wrong. I cannot understand how women have a very good time but then not choose me. I don't know what I am doing wrong.. Is it just tied to good looks?

 

Can some one help me out plz?

 

Thanks

[Roxie84]

I've been to speed dating as well, and I was not satisfied! There were 40 males and 40 females, and only one guy wanted to connect. When we met, he only wanted sex even though it was for serious dating. He then told me he was just there for fun because he got a deal for it on Groupon lol.

 

Another time I went to speed dating and it was disgusting! It wasn't the traditional set up, just a lounge full of singles to mingle. My gosh, no lie, people were having sex in the bathrooms and dry humping on the couches! I've seen tamer parties at a swinger's club! lol

 

Speed dating is just another form of online dating in my eyes. While many may have good intentions, people go into it not having any mutual friends, not knowing a thing about one another, and can create a whole new and false persona for themselves. It also very shallow in the sense that there is literally a catelogue of people to choose from! If one of these women met you through a mutual friend at a wedding or birthday party, they may have been quite interested. But in this sense, they may have been overwhelmed at the selection of men and went for the one who seems the most appealing.

 

One of my girlfriends is your typical hot thin blonde with big boobs, and even the men she was rude to still picked her!

 

Speed dating is fun, and its definitely an experience, but I just don't find it to be a good way of meeting people. I know couples who met online (especially through paid services like eHarmony), but I have yet to meet anyone who fell in love at speed dating lol

 

Keep your head up! I'm sure you're a great catch The problem lies with the avenue of meeting women, not with yourself!

[bebeblondie]

I've never gone Speed Dating, although it does sound appealing, but maybe these women just felt like they had a better connection with one of the other guys there? How many women did you speak to?

 

For women its not just tied to looks, a great personality with a sense of humor trumps a really good looking boring guy anyday. Also just because a woman says you're so funny, doesn't mean she's attracted to you. I'm guessing some of these women might've been interested but then spoke to some other guys and were perhaps more interested in them. As long as you're not being pushy, or too shy (which it doesnt seem like you are) it doesn't look like you're doing anything wrong. You just have to keep at it, its a numbers game.

[SilverFactory]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I spoke to 16 women and selected 14. I cannot believe all 14 of them rejected me

 

I am 36 years old and have a big bald spot in my head. I am now really thinking that all the personality and sense of humor is just not compensating for that.... the women end up choosing the good looking men I believe.

[EQIQ]

Another time I went to speed dating and it was disgusting! It wasn't the traditional set up, just a lounge full of singles to mingle. My gosh, no lie, people were having sex in the bathrooms and dry humping on the couches! I've seen tamer parties at a swinger's club! lol

 

Classy!

[SilverFactory]

Thanks for a wonderful response.

 

Can you please provide some suggestions regarding this?

 

The problem lies with the avenue of meeting women, not with yourself!

 

I went to the clubs, I tried online dating, I went to Speed Dating events...... nothing seems to work

[lostandhurt]

The thing is that you are in direct competiton with all those other men. The odds where against you.

 

I think you shouldn't give up but you need to be realistic that some of those women may have not chose anyone. Just like online dating there are women that get caught up in all the attention but loose sight of the substance or the reason they are there. You are a guy and know how guys are. Like Roxie said above her hot gf gets picked by guys she treats badly. So what this means that like you they picked nearly every woman out of the bunch.

 

If you aren't really good looking in these situations the odds are against you. Meeting them in the store or at Starbucks and striking up a convo you very well could have made a connection.

 

Keep trying, it is a numbers game in the end.

 

Lost

[Roxie84]

Thanks for a wonderful response.

 

Can you please provide some suggestions regarding this?

 

 

 

I went to the clubs, I tried online dating, I went to Speed Dating events...... nothing seems to work

 

Chin up It's difficult to meet people, that's a sad reality. I'm not sure what your city is like, but I live in Toronto and to call the people here introverted would be an understatement. If I strike up a conversation with someone at the grocery store they look at you like you're a crazy person lol. I am exaggerating, there are some friendly people around, but for the most part people will look at you sideways if you try to befriend a stranger.

 

With that said, it is difficult to meet new people. And I mean romantically, because I am a social butterfly and seem to make friends all over the place. Being someone who was never "popular" in my youth, I've made up for it because my phone beeps and dings and pings (blackberry) and rings constantly. BUT, I have yet to meet a boyfriend.

 

But what I can tell you is I've been online dating ever since I got a computer, and the best relationships I had were with people I met at school or through friends. People will tell you to "put yourself out there more," but I am living proof that this is not always the solution.

 

In a nutshell, all I can suggest is to live your life enjoying good times with good people, and someone will eventually come along. Online dating may or may not work, but it comes with a whole host of complications in a lot of cases.

[SilverFactory]

Thanks Roxie

 

The reason I sound very upset is because I am 36 years old already... and my family back in India is losing patience and asking me if they have to put me in the arranged marriage system (its a common way for people to get married there). I hate arranged marriages and trying hard to meet some one by myself.

[Roxie84]

Ouch, that must be very stressful! I went to high school with a guy whose parents said if he didn't meet a girl before he turned 18 he would be put in an arranged marriage. Poor guy was writing all the girls love poetry, trying sooo hard to get the chance to avoid the arranged marriage. I'm sure you must feel very pressured.

 

Its unfortunate because you live in a place and time where you should be free to make these decisions for yourself, but I also understand the level of respect that is expected by your family.

 

Even my friends with Serbian/Bosnian/Croatian and Russian backgrounds - when the girl is 25 and still not married, the whole family "back home" thinks there is something wrong with her! Its not fair, but its a reality many people face.

 

Are you religious at all? If you're going to continue the online route, I might suggest trying a dating site geared towards your religion or a topic of interest. This way you will be on the same page. Or you could try a paid site like LaveLife or eHarmony. They seem to be better places to meet people for a serious relationship as oppsed to free sites like POF and eVow.

[FreeFallFeelin]

I think you just found the "problem". If you're from a completely different culture, it's going to be hard for western girls imagine themselves connecting with you (even if it is possible). If your in a room full of good looking guys that share the same cultural background as all the women in the room, and you're the only "cultural foreigner", then you're at a HUGE disadvantage. That's not racist, as it is natural for people to identify and connect with people of their own "tribe".

 

The mind set is obviously very different in the west than it is in India. If you're even considering and arranged marriage then that shows that your mentality is worlds apart from how western men think! Most people in the west can't even imagine letting someone else pick their mate for them. People can pick up on these differences very very quickly. Doesn't mean you're not a great person, but that's just how humans are!

 

 

 

Thanks Roxie

 

The reason I sound very upset is because I am 36 years old already... and my family back in India is losing patience and asking me if they have to put me in the arranged marriage system (its a common way for people to get married there). I hate arranged marriages and trying hard to meet some one by myself.