Bad couple of days..

[NewHope]

It’s been almost 3 months since my girlfriend left me, almost 5 months since the last time she told me she loves me, and 13 days since I am in strict NC. And I still can’t get her out of my head, and I still love her as much as I loved her during our best times

 

Recently I’ve been living in cycles of few “good” days followed by 1 “bad” day. But it changed this week. Since Monday I’ve been feeling worse and worse every day. Yesterday was the worst day I had since the first few weeks after BU. Whole day at work I couldn’t stop thinking about her. After work I went to the mall to buy some clothes (during the week I decided to throw away all clothes that reminds me of her in any way, so I have to buy some new ones) and that’s where the memories of her started haunting me. It was terrible, everything I did or I saw, was making me see images from our past. I just couldn’t stop it. And with every image I was getting more depressed. Eventually I decided to stop shopping, just buy some groceries and go home. But firkin images wouldn’t stop. All the way back home I was fighting with myself to stay strong and don’t cry. I felt really miserable. As soon as I got back home, I burst into tears, and couldn’t stop crying for like 15 minutes… and it’s not normal for me.

 

The worst thing is that I don’t even know why am I feeling so bad the whole week. Why did my happy/sad cycles stopped for so long. I feel like I’m not moving on at all…

 

Is it normal to feel like this almost 3 months after BU? Is it normal to have so strong feelings for an ex-girlfriend after all this time? Is it possible that I won’t be ready to move on ever? Recently there were few stories on ENA of people who still can’t get over their exes after 6 months, a year or more. I feel like I might “beat” them all. I just can’t stop loving her I never thought I can love anyone so much. Whatever I do is helping only temporary or not helping at all

[samsk5081]

you WILL move on. the process of healing is what I think of as "two steps forward, one step back" -- but as a general trend you're moving forward and thats what counts. Don't worry about the timing, everyone is different. This is your time to learn more about yourself, improve yourself, and see the world without your ex. TRUST yourself and everyone else on this forum--things WILL get better, just take it one step at a time!

[Avila]

First of all, STOP WORRYING. It is normal for you to be up and down especially if you've only been NC for 13 days! You've been broken up for a while but until now she's still been in your life if only in a small way. Our ex's being in our lives, even in a small way, messes with our heads big time. Even a tenous connection keeps us in love with them.

 

Letting go is hard when you love someone so much. Many of us know how you feel. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my ex. So getting over them is a hurdle. Thankfully it can be done. Just keep busy, don't beat yourself up about it and take it one day at a time. It takes patience.

[chickydoodle]

I think it is hard to progress if you choose to remember only the good times; her good points....indulging in the pain of nostalgia and thoughts that you will never have such a Love again.

 

You need to do what Lavender Dove recommends a lot and that is to google thought stopping - IMO.

 

It is painful 'cos you are allowing it to be. I am going thru' this crap too but this time I refuse to dwell on his smile; the way he moves; our connection.......I am choosing only to think of how deceitful he is- how toxic.

I refuse to waste my life on feeling this pain ( caused in the past by my thoughts).

You must learn to control your thoughts and have Faith in yourself that you are strong; that this is an opportunity for you rather than a loss...

Its sooo hard I know. It involves a lot of mental discipline. Be patient with yourself and remind yourself you are moving forward . This is just a rough patch but you will survive it and be okay. And believe it or not you will learn to live without her and one day even smile again.

[NewHope]

Thanks for your replies.

 

The thing is I’ve tried a lot of things to stop thinking about her, most of the things you’ve mentioned. I work on myself, I keep myself busy, I try new things. I’ve been in NC pretty much all the time since she dumped me, but I broke it few times either from my own stupidity or to reply to her messages. It’s 13 days since I’m keeping it strict. I unfriended her on facebook 2 weeks after BU and after a while I stopped checking her profile when I found out about her new relationship. I eventually deleted her phone number. I tried focusing on her flaws and how she behaved in the last 2 months of our relationship, but as soon as I would start thinking about it, the memories of the good times would show up in my head to cover the sad part… I can’t control it I think the only way I could move on is if I’d somehow manage to stop thinking about her at all.

 

What I haven’t try yet is dating other girls, but I’m far from being ready for it. And I haven’t try this:

You need to do what Lavender Dove recommends a lot and that is to google thought stopping - IMO.

Thanks, I’ll check it later today. Hope it will help. I don’t know what else could I do.. You are right that this is painful because I’m allowing it to be, but I have no idea how to stop it.

[Avila]

Ok. I've been there. BLOCK HER ON FB. It's almost irresistible to unblock her but for your sake and sanity I recommend that you do it. My ex was my best friend and lover for four years and it kills me that he's with his rebound but do i get an oppurtunity to be bothered by it? No. Because I don't know what he's doing. THANK GODDESS. It would make me ill.

 

It is helpful to think about their flaws. Goddess knows my ex had his, especially when he showed his true colours at the end of the relationship. The thing is.... you loved her. You still love her. HOWEVER. You are broken up for a reason. As much as it must kill you (and boy did it kill me to admit that to myself) there is a reason for every seperation.

 

So yes. Be cognizant of their flaws, acknowledge that they probably aren't the ones for you, move on. How do you move on? Have as little knowledge about their lives as you can achieve, concentrate FULLY on yourself, meet new people, regroup, and eventually everything falls into place.

 

One day you will be half way though your day and realize... 'oh, I haven't thought about them so far this day.' It's depressing sometimes to think that someone that meant so extremely much is reduced to this but at the end of the day you have a whole life to live and you are entitled to live it. She chose not to be in your life. So choose to live yours to the fullest.

[Blue92]

Focus on you and distract yourself from her. With change, comes more change so try doing new things so you're not constantly reminded of her. Hangout more with your friends now that you don't have spend time with the gf anymore and I'm sure they will give advice and help you through this. And remember, you matter more than your ex does!!!

[NewHope]

Thank you, I appreciate your support.

One day you will be half way through your day and realize... 'oh, I haven't thought about them so far this day.'

Can’t wait for that day. Because so far, the first thing that comes to my mind after waking up is my ex I’m psychically exhausted after this week. My damn mood still hasn’t changed..

 

BLOCK HER ON FB

Blocking her wouldn’t change anything. I’ve learned to stay away from her profile the hard way, by finding out about her new relationship there.. Since then (it’s been few weeks) I haven’t check it and I’m not tempted to do so. I know it would do much more harm than good for me. And I think to block her, I would have to actually go to her profile (I’m not pro with fb, is there another way to block someone than clicking on that thingie on their page and pick “block”?) so I’ll better leave it as it is.

 

You are broken up for a reason. As much as it must kill you (and boy did it kill me to admit that to myself) there is a reason for every seperation

Yes I know that. And I know the reason. I didn’t have much experience in relationships, I was single for most of my life, so I’ve made a lot of “amateur” mistakes that eventually killed her attraction toward me. I’m talking about not giving her enough space, putting her on pedestal, adjusting my day schedule to her schedule, letting her have a final say in pretty much everything and things like that. Too bad I realized that I let her treat me like her doormat only after it was too late..

 

And that’s why it’s so hard for me to let go. I spent a lot of time analyzing our relationship in the first month after the break-up. Back then I was still reading “how to get your ex back” books. They didn’t help me to get my ex back, but they helped me to understand why did she broke up with me. But the worst part is that reading those books, as well as other books about relationships and ENA forum, made me realize that I could save my relationship. If I would only realize earlier how being too nice and too available kills love.. But I didn’t, I loved her too much to see that. We live in a ****ed up world where loving someone too much leads to the break-up…

[Avila]

I feel like that sometimes, that loving them well chased them away. For myself I was an exemplary gf but our break up really just lies at his feet. He knew my worth he just simply could not live up to it.

 

For future reference, you don't have to be a distant bf to get a girl to stay with you. There are girls (myself included) that would KILL for a bf who was as considerate as you. However not all the time. From experience there is a difference between being considerate and being clingy. It's just learning the fine line between the two. There really is no magic formula for getting someone to stay with you. Sometimes things are just fated not to work out and it sucks. All you can do is give your all and hope that it works out next time.

 

Don't put anymore energy into wanting her back. If you do decide you want to block her you can actually do that without going onto her page (it'll be in your settings, FB can tell you how to do it.) Work on you so that the next time you head into a relationship you are authentically you, you're a comfortable, relaxed you.

[NewHope]

From experience there is a difference between being considerate and being clingy. It's just learning the fine line between the two.

True. And unfortunately it's so easy to cross that line without noticing, when you are blinded by love

 

Work on you so that the next time you head into a relationship you are authentically you, you're a comfortable, relaxed you.

That's a really good advice. Thank you.

 

 

This depressing week has finally ended. Hope the next one will be better. I'm tired of feeling so low..

[Avila]

It does don't worry. Some days if feels like it's not going to and then all of a sudden you start to feel better little by little. Good luck x