CydJenk Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 So, I need advice. My younger friend is 16 and has completely fallen for this 24 year old. He is her hitting coach and she says that one day hes flirty and touchy feely, the next he is strictly business and focused on her lesson. He is sweet and super nice to everyone. She thinks he is flirting but she is not 100% sure because she only sees him around guys at the place he works at and does not know how he is around other girls or if he is just being nice to her. She comes to me after the lesson and tells me every conversation and little detail. She also asks if she should start flirting with him and how she should go about that. I mean she is in his work place but its not like there are people watching all the time. She does not want to scare him away because of the age difference. I try to give her advice but she only listens to what she wants to hear? Anyone have any tips to give?
bigsix Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Just reading this upsets me big time. . . . . But first, gotta confirm this is really going on. If I new for a fact this is the case with the touching stuff. I would call the police. BUT!!!! You gotta have it correct, because just the claim of such can ruin a career even if the claim is false. .even if the minor is consenting. So you can't jump the gun on this. Wow. Somebody jump in and help me with this, because the thought of it boils my blood..
Blue92 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Unless this guy happens to be a total perv, he should know better than to go out with a 16 year old girl. It is not because she is too young for him, but it is against the law. If she is to date him, and lets say they get swept up in the moment, then he could go to jail for having sexual relations with a minor. She should wait until she is 18 to have relations with older men otherwise it can lead to trouble. It is worth the wait because she should still have fun with the guys in highschool while it lasts. She only has... what... 2 more years and then she's out for good. Tell her to enjoy being young!!!
erzerum7 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Tell her to stop, unless she wants to ruin this man's life and land him in a sex offender registry for statutory rape, and make it MUCH harder for him to find employment ever again - which is likely going to be the case after the Sandusky scandal (I am in no way comparing a 24 yo guy flirting with a 16 yo girl...with a man in his 50s-60s anally and orally raping boys and children, but you can see the connection in terms of what employers will be looking at from now on, as Penn state is under a lot of fire now) If she likes him, she needs to quit "hitting" (or whatever the sport is that he coaches) for two years, then when she is 18 and he is 26 she can try to date him. I also don't consider her a "victim." She knows what she's doing and she should stop it, now.
Miss Firecracker Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 She should check online and find the legal age of consent in her state.
rbsx Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Yeah everyone saying this is illegal should check the age of consent laws, 16 is the legal age of consent in most states, though in many there are caveats (e.g. under the age of 18 the person must be within 2 years of age etc.) Not condoning it, just saying running and claiming it's illegal might be wrong. Unethical? For sure. Illegal? Not quite so much.
karben Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 She has issues for sure. HUGE issues. I'd consider having her go to a therapist.
MasterPo Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Tell her to stop, unless she wants to ruin this man's life and land him in a sex offender registry for statutory rape, and make it MUCH harder for him to find employment ever again - which is likely going to be the case after the Sandusky scandal Reality of life, read it to her a few times a day, a few times a week.. then ask her to watch a prison documentary about what happens to pedophiles. Better yet, send it to him as well.
DN Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 A paedophile is someone who is sexually aroused by pre-pubescent children. That does not cover this case at all. Whether the laws in this jurisdiction make sex between these two illegal is yet to be discovered but in some jurisdictions they would be able to marry without any issues, either with parental consent or with permission of a court. Let's not confuse issues by using terms and concepts inaccurately.
bigsix Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Many laws on the books are as old as the hills. 16 years old is still a kid and a 24 year old is a adult. Men don't screw with kids... Period. I don't know for sure that this is true in CydJenk case. Is her friend just hot to trot, or is he being a perv or is she making it up for attention or something???? to many variables, but it need to stop. That I know for sure. The question is how or what can be said or done to stop it.
DN Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 The point I am making is that opinions as to what is age appropriate are so different, even within the same country, as to make it moot as to whether it should end or not. You are sure it should end and that is a valid opinion. But others, whose culture or practice is different, have an equally valid opinion. Western society has extended childhood way beyond anything in the past, even in the recent past. I am not condoning anything just pointing out that what is offensive to some is normal for others.
MasterPo Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Fair enough, as for "pedophile" (correctly spelled) my book doesn't state anything about pre-pubescent children; Pedophile as "one affected with pediaphilia" // "Pedophilia": sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object. Western society has extended childhood way beyond anything in the past, even in the recent past. I am not condoning anything just pointing out that what is offensive to some is normal for others. I am not gonna touch this one, I'm sure others will.
DN Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 link removed s a medical diagnosis, pedophilia, or paedophilia, is defined as a link removed in persons who are 16 years of age or older typically characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children (generally those under the age of 14, though onset of puberty varies). The prepubescent child must be at least five years younger than the person before the attraction can be diagnosed as pedophilia. Currently the age of consent in Canada is 14.
Miss Firecracker Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 link removed Currently the age of consent in Canada is 14. I was sexually active at 15 and knew exactly what I was doing. I don't consider 16 a child. Now, if it were my own child, that would be different.
abitbroken Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 There is a big stigma if she is a high school student and he is the coach. As far as touchy feely, our coaches male and female always gave us a pat on the back, an encorauging hug when something really upsetting happened, etc, but nothing more than a mentoring adult would do. Of course, if they were wrapping our ankle, they touched us for that obviously. She could just have a wild crush and is interpreting something that is not there. Or it could be something. But either way, I would tell her not to pursue this at all. I would wait until I graduated and if he is still around and single, then maybe...by that time she may not have a crush anymore. I get it that 16 is the age of consent, but not for everything - and he would still be seen as a predator. If she was 16 and he was 18, then that would be different perhaps.
Miss Firecracker Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I get the feeling this is a fantasy on her part. This poor guy probably has no clue and is just being friendly. But who knows?
amipushy Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I'm with abitbroken and Miss Firecracker, this sounds like a crush to me. Even the OP said that she has 'completely fallen" for this guy. Admittedly he should be more aware of the age group he is working with but accusing man of being a paedophile when he might not even be flirting with her, or indeed have any clue what is going on inside her head, is somewhat unfair.
Natasha24 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 She has issues for sure. HUGE issues. I'd consider having her go to a therapist. I don't think she has issues, she's just a kid with a crush. It's fine if she has a crush on her coach, but she shouldn't flirt with him, and he definitely shouldn't flirt with her. He is a grown adult and she is still a child is many ways. It's not right for him to be flirting with her, regardless of the age of consent laws. Tell her to stop any flirting, and if he does anything to make her uncomfortable (like touching her), then she needs to tell another adult. Like others said, it's possible she just has a crush and he's not being inappropriate at all. Only she knows.
Sportster2005 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 link removed Currently the age of consent in Canada is 14. Nope. Recently changed to 16 with caveats up until 18.
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