How to move on from this?

[confused20121]

Background: I became attracted to my friend and confessed my feelings. She didn’t reciprocate, but we became closer. Six months ago I went to study overseas and she stopped talking to me. I’ve returned, yet I’ve still had no contact with her. I don’t understand why she’s ignoring me - my guess is that I contacted her too frequently while we were still friends, but my contact level wasn’t outrageous. Embarrassingly, since I realized she was ignoring me I’ve contacted her far too many times (Facebook, texts, calls) asking why, but she’s never answered. She lives five minutes away and I’m constantly reminded of her.

 

I’m also female and I don’t understand why we can’t be friends - I feel almost nothing for her now, I just miss our friendship. I’ve had crushes on guys in the past 6 months, and I can’t really imagine being with her.

 

I want to just let the situation be, but if I go for (eg) a month without saying anything, I’ll start to miss our friendship, think ‘seize the day’ and contact her. I feel that if I don’t contact her, I’m not following my heart.. and probably also because of sunken costs, looking for an explanation that reassures me she doesn't think I'm a terrible person, I don't know.

 

How can I get her out of my mind and move on? She’s never told me to stop contacting her, which means I can always find a reason to (eg “It’s been a month, maybe she’s been going through a phase and would be open to contact if I make the first step and call her”). Why doesn’t she tell me to stop contacting her, or at least block me on Facebook? Why won’t she tell me why she’s ignoring me?!? And how can she feel no guilt at what she’s doing? I’d never ignore a friend out of nowhere, but if I did decide to ignore someone and they asking for an explanation, I’d give a reason and _then_ totally ignore them, block them, etc.

 

Thanks for any advice…

[jaciej]

The more you pressure her the more she will pull away from you. Maybe you've just grown apart...these things happen sometimes, there isnt always a reason. Are you coming accross as needy and possessive, there is a possibly that since you expressed your feelings there is an underlying awkwardness, even though there was still a friendship. Are you sure she still has the same contact details?

 

Let her know you are back in the area and if she want to meet up for a drink or dinner to give you a ring, then leave the ball in her court.

[Ms Darcy]

You are pushing her away. Lay off contact for a few months and she may reach out again.