rbsx Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Great. What a mind game. I've spent the last 3 days being told why she can't be with me right now. Fannnnnnnntastic.
Ms Darcy Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I had a suspicion she was hung up on someone else. Try not to visit her page or "untweet" her or whatever you need to do to avoid seeing her messages.
rbsx Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I had a suspicion she was hung up on someone else. Try not to visit her page or "untweet" her or whatever you need to do to avoid seeing her messages. Yeah I've tried not to and already removed her from Facebook. In so far as her being hung up on someone else, I'm not sure if that is the case, it may even be about me. Who knows, she's 20 and has a lot of learning to do about communicating and what not.. she's just not very good at it. Neither am I for that matter. The worst thing I could do at this juncture is feed my... sadness? Frustration? by following her on Twitter or having her on my Facebook. I also know she gets really defensive when she gets stressed, so at this juncture it's just the right decision to leave her alone. If she decides she wants to talk to me in the future, I won't close that door. But at this juncture it's important to use this opportunity to deal with things I let slip while we were dating and take care of some loose ends.
Ms Darcy Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 It's not about you. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have broken up with you. People are logical that way.
rbsx Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 It's not about you. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have broken up with you. People are logical that way. Hah, you're kidding right?
LoveHurts89 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I think I agree with Ms Darcy, I'm sorry She wouldn't moan about not having what she wants if it was just what she gave up.
rbsx Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I think I agree with Ms Darcy, I'm sorry She wouldn't moan about not having what she wants if it was just what she gave up. It might just be a general statement as well, I refuse to be that cynical based upon what I've seen and heard, though the thought has crossed my mind that she might like someone else, but I doubt it. I should mention she didn't tweet it - it was a retweet (god I hate twitter, I never would have got on it if she didn't force me to use it). Having talked to her mom last week I know there was no one else in the picture, at least, no one else she talked about at home, and apparently she talked about me a lot. Additionally a few things: By her own admission she still likes me, but we're 6 years apart in age, I'm 26 and she's 20. Right now we're both in different phases of our lives, and as she astutely observed, I've got a lot of stuff going on (financially, academically, work and personally) that she's just not able to handle right now. That's fair. One of our mutual friends (probably closer to me, he introduced us) mentioned that she talked to him earlier today and expressed concern about me, that she holds no grudge, that she wants to be able to talk to me when I'm okay with it, and that she just isn't ready for a really serious relationship (which, interestingly enough, neither am I) - I just wanted to know that we were seeing each other exclusively so that I didn't have to feel like I was looking over my shoulder all the time. From my own experience being single, I know what it's like to care for and want to be with someone, but at the same time knowing it isn't appropriate. Whether she does have a crush on someone else, or genuinely didn't feel that she was a fit with me at this time, this is an opportunity to address things that were going wrong in my life, and it was wrong of me to "use" (and I use that term in the most liberal sense) her to shadow me from confronting other more pressing issues. For lack of a better term I used her to cover up other things, but also to distract myself and consume time which should be put to more productive uses. I looked at her as a success in a life of mine which doesn't really have many, that's not fair to put anyone in that position, much less someone. It's wrong. While I liked her for the right reasons, and still do, I have more pressing issues to deal with.
Ms Darcy Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 In my experience (sadly a lot) she is trying to let you down gently. She's concerned about you. Some things made her feel uncomfortable. She knows you have a lot going on in your life. She's not ready for a relationship. She's too young. It's not you, it's her. ... Etc ... Etc. Pretty soon she's going to add that there is something wrong with her. Remember, you've quoted lots of evidence ... from her own actions when you two were "together" ... that she wasn't that into you. Rudely leaving you alone at a party. Being ok with not seeing you for a long while. Partying a bunch. I mean, she 'broke up' with you even though you guys weren't even in a relationship. Talk about non-committal. Just didn't seem she was all that invested in the first place. I think if you can solidly feel comfortable only being friends then go for it later on but if you want more then moving on is best.
rbsx Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I didn't say that at all, I said that in the 4-5 days leading up to the concert she was being strange. In fact, she was pretty supportive. She picked me up from the airport when I was sucking on a soother coming back from Vegas, bought me tickets to Avicii which were insanely expensive, invited me out to meet her parents and had a plate of dinner waiting for me, spend 4-5 nights a week at my place, bought me food, liquor and paid money to see me if I was somewhere, let me borrow her car, etc. Her house is about 45 minutes from my house, yet she'd drive out late at night to spend the night at my place.. She did a ton of awesome things for me, so again, I refuse to subscribe to your cynicism. Though, there is probably some truth in what you're saying. I don't think it's anything deliberate about her, it's just the age she's at.
Ms Darcy Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Well, whatever makes you feel better I guess. Mind you this is the same girl you basically described as shady ... I suppose she's completely in love but because she is 20 she cannot handle a relationship or something. I do understand the back and forth in one's thinking and how mixed signals can be confusing.
rbsx Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Well, whatever makes you feel better I guess. Mind you this is the same girl you basically described as shady ... I suppose she's completely in love but because she is 20 she cannot handle a relationship or something. I do understand the back and forth in one's thinking and how mixed signals can be confusing. The last week or so she's been shady, in part due to the stark contrast in how she's approached things. I am inclined, as are all of my friends, to subscribe to the fact there's another guy. If that's the case... there's nothing I can do about it and I've actually become quite lucky that I found out now, rather than a few weeks or months down the road into the quality of person she is. If she is seeing someone else already well..... then lesson learned.
rbsx Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Turns out this situation is borne of her best friend, her best friend doesn't think I like her and it's created an awkward situation. The reality is I don't dislike her best friend, my best friend doesn't like her, and after she's been drinking her best friend overwhelms me, hence why she's kept me sequestered over the last week or two.
LoveHurts89 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 She's dumped you because her best friend thinks you don't like her? What a load of BS. You seem like such a nice guy, please DO NOT let this girl mash up your head with all of these silly excuses. My ex and my best friend hated each other, but it didn't affect my relationship or my friendship. As nice as it is to integrate the two, you don't have to have your partner and friends together. There's easier routes around this. She seems like she's playing one big game with you. And it really is not her age. It's to do with her maturity levels. At age 20, I was fully able to deal with an adult relationship without all of these games. You deserve so much better.
Mellie Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 The tweet in the first post tells you everything there is to know. If she meant you, you wouldn't be broken up. There is someone else she's interested in. Announcing it on Twitter? It basically reads to me, in flashing neon lights "Coowee. I'm free now, come get me!" Very uncouth. It sounds as though she's given you every excuse in the book and now she's scraping the bottom of the barrel and turning it around on you with this "you didn't like my friend" stuff. You didn't like my friend, ergo it's my friends fault and yours that we're broken up, nothing to do with me. It's nonsense. The only explanation you really need at the end of a relationship is "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore". They don't need to elaborate on that and, very often, when you ask them to, what they come out with is horsecrap as they flounder to get out of an uncomfortable situation (I've been there). Sometimes we don't know the reason why ourselves - how can we explain it to anyone else. You need to move on. I'd go NC.
rbsx Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 She's dumped you because her best friend thinks you don't like her? What a load of BS. You seem like such a nice guy, please DO NOT let this girl mash up your head with all of these silly excuses. My ex and my best friend hated each other, but it didn't affect my relationship or my friendship. As nice as it is to integrate the two, you don't have to have your partner and friends together. There's easier routes around this. She seems like she's playing one big game with you. And it really is not her age. It's to do with her maturity levels. At age 20, I was fully able to deal with an adult relationship without all of these games. You deserve so much better. Well in hindsight it makes sense and fits right in with the problems we were having a week or two ago - that is, not inviting me to things her best friend was going to be at. It seems, from what I understand, that she felt caught in the middle between her friend and myself, and just wants a low drama life right now - the obvious expendable thing was me. They're tied at the hip, they do everything together, so it makes sense well enough, either way it doesn't matter at this juncture.. At least I get it now. It also explains a few other things.
camus154 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Sorry, OP, but I think you're confusing realism for cynicism. It's not cynical to point out that when people really, really want something, they will jump through an amazing amount of hoops to get it. People are selfish like that. So the best way to tell if someone really wants to be with you is to see if they're with you. The Romeo and Juliette star-crossed lovers bit is poetic, but it's also a romantic tragedy; real life is much more mundane and predictable. I think you'd do well to remove yourself from the twit-sphere (and sorry, no one forced you to use Twitter, man) and focus on moving on. Good luck.
rbsx Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Sorry, OP, but I think you're confusing realism for cynicism. It's not cynical to point out that when people really, really want something, they will jump through an amazing amount of hoops to get it. People are selfish like that. So the best way to tell if someone really wants to be with you is to see if they're with you. The Romeo and Juliette star-crossed lovers bit is poetic, but it's also a romantic tragedy; real life is much more mundane and predictable. I think you'd do well to remove yourself from the twit-sphere (and sorry, no one forced you to use Twitter, man) and focus on moving on. Good luck. Doing fine, haven't talked to her for 5 days, don't plan on changing that. Though my buddy has talked to her, apparently she wants to talk to me.
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