RedRocket Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I find myself at a loss for showing my appreciation to my wife in the things she does. Our relationship is terribly off balanced in terms of 'taking care of each other' as most of the tasks of cooking, cleaning, errands etc fall on her due to my work schedule, shift work, long hours, my fatigue and she continues to day after day go above and beyond and I feel totally useless most of the time. The past little while I have felt guilty about it all. I come home a little later in the evenings, a hot meal is always prepared, house is clean, she takes care of me sexually, and then I pass out for the night and do it all over the next day. I find myself compensating by spending money on her, buying her things, flowers, gifts, treats, coffee when I get off night shift to bring her before she leaves for work, but she has a million and one ways of showing her love to me without spending a cent. I fear resentment on her part, or burn out, or something of that nature. She is a wonderful person, and have never been happier but just wonder how other people make out in situations where one works long hours and shift work. Most of the time I feel like a total bum and she is my slave taking care of everything and making me feel loved and appreciated and I find myself feeling guilty.
annie24 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 hey - it's glad that you recognize how hard she works. how about paying for a house cleaning service to help her out, or maybe buying her a spa day? i think the fact you recognize how hard she works is really the important thing.
DylanNotorious Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Well I think she recognizes how hard you work, so dont go worrying yourself over anything.
Natasha24 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 hey - it's glad that you recognize how hard she works. how about paying for a house cleaning service to help her out, or maybe buying her a spa day? i think the fact you recognize how hard she works is really the important thing. I was going to suggest a spa day too, but since you already buy her lots of stuff, that might not have much meaning. Why not buy some massage lotion and give her a spa day yourself? Buy or make a nice dinner, put on music, dim the lights, light candles, give her a back massage, rub her feet, etc.
RedRocket Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I could look into the cleaning service, that may be an idea. And the spa day, I know she loves pedicures but we have great health benefits and access to massages at any point and use them regularly, and aren't shy to help each other out for a massage either. But once again, it comes back to spending money... What I struggle with is I get home much later than she does. She's home about 3 hours before I get home, so she tidies and gets dinner ready so we can eat when I walk in the door. So for the most part everything is done when I get home and I get to put my feet up, relax, and head to bed.
mhowe Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 How about telling her how much you appreciate what she is doing for you --- that you feel loved, supported and ever so grateful she is in your life? Words go a lllloooonnnnn way. And cost nothing.
becomingkate Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 When my husband brings me a coffee without me asking for it, I feel like I am married to the best guy in the world!
mhowe Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I have my bf's favorite water chilled at my house. He laughs and says "I'm not worthy"....right before drinking the whole bottle. I know it makes him feel appreciated that I keep it on hand.
RedRocket Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 When my husband brings me a coffee without me asking for it, I feel like I am married to the best guy in the world! Its funny you say that because she makes it seem like I brought her a basket of gold when I show up with a coffee! I am working on vocalizing my appreciation, but I do know that she appreciates more of the 'doing things' aspect than words. I am hoping with more time off with a change in my schedule I can return the favour and let her experience how nice it is to come home and have everything done, but its in the mean time when I work 7 day stretches and I litterally DO NOTHING that makes me feel like a big turd.
RedRocket Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Give her a massage every night? She's not an overly touchy feely kind of person, I offer them to her since she gives me many [since I enjoy them] so most of the time I think she humors me by accepting the offer, but its more for me then her!
Ayanokōji Posted August 2, 2012 Posted August 2, 2012 Is she a full time housewife? Because if she is then its pretty fair... Actually it is easier on her side if you have less than 2 kids.
anna0511 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 How about leaving her sweet post-it notes around the house that she can find while cleaning or in her wallet or her car. You can also make her breakfast/brunch or dessert on the weekends.
sodizzy Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 If women have their emotional needs met - they sometimes need little else. It's the things you say, it's looking at her from accross a room with appreciation, it's reaching for her hand in the car. It's those things.
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