Womanese for I like you but I am not sure?

[delancey]

Hi All! I met this foreign girl about 6 weeks ago and we have essentially been dating ever since. We just really click and it isn't forced. We have a lot of fun together and the sex is amazing. Sometimes she will tell me little comments about "us" in the future, such as "we are going to live in city x together" or "do you want babies with me" (out of context but it is a direct quote), etc. Or she'll ask me how I feel about her and ask me to describe it. Okay, so things are moving a bit fast but I just feel like our chemistry and connection is that strong.

 

So she came back from a 12 day trip yesterday. I would say that she communicated consistently but there was a period of two days where she didn't respond to my text. Okay, so last night she dropped a bomb on me. She had been communicating with her ex via text starting during those two days that she didn't text me. And guess what? The city she visited was located just hours away from where he lives. And 1 day later she visited his city with her parents. So she told me that her phone died but it bothers me because realistically speaking she was texting with him.

 

So yesterday (the first time we see each other after 12 days) she tells me that she responded to his text 12 days ago (when she didn't respond to my text). She says that she wanted to be honest with me about texting him and she feels bad. She says that he treated her bad and just left her. And that he said that he wanted her to visit him but that he will just use her for sex.

 

 

So she continues by saying that a part of her wanted to respond to the text to get closure! I just don't buy that, for all actions have a reason and I think a part of her is still in love with him. So I asked her if she wanted to see him and she essentially told me that it wouldnt be worth it for they would have sex and then what we have would be over. And she started saying how much she enjoys being us.

 

 

I just can't help but feel like she is just with me now because she knows that he is only gonna use her for sex (I.e., from my perspective "she only wants me because some other guy broke her heart"). If her heart isn't in it, I don't want it for a minute (yes i am quoting a song lol)! I want her to be with me And be thinking about me and not some other guy and texting him.

 

I told her this last night and then she said she had to think about it. Then she asked me to hold her and kiss her. I moved away and she said she wanted to be with me because we click and it is natural and she loves spending time with me and it is cute.

 

I told her "how would you feel if I was texting my ex knowing that my ex wanted to have sex with me." She didn't reply.

 

Am I overreacting? I feel like telling her that she should go back to her culo ex boyfriend who mistreated her. I may be a kind guy but I don't wanna feel like the guy who only gives her comfort (again, for her ex mistreated her).

 

I should note that she said she would tell him next time that she had a boyfriend. I told her, "don't do it because I want it; instead, do it because you want it."

 

 

Am I overreacting? I don't really know how to feel about it. She is being honest but I am afraid of getting hurt in 3 weeks from now! How would you deal with this situation? I really enjoy being with her but I just don't want to compete for her attention.

 

 

If I was the only guy she thinks about, why even text him back? Thanks for the input All!

[delancey]

(Continued)

 

I do find it selfish on her part that she texted him back and then told me about it (for it created a competing atmosphere between me and this other guy).

 

Secondly, I do find her behavior selfish because she talked about what it would be like visiting him, how he would use her for sex, etc (nonetheless, the fact that she is thinking about what it would be like visiting with him shows me that she in fact is thinking about him).

If she thought he really liked her, she would in fact visit him and leave me. That is how I feel, as well.

 

If she really liked me, despite the fact that she says she does, why would she even text him back? Why communicate with someone from the past when she has a chance to build something beautiful in the future?

 

Also, I do get the sense that she is using me for comfort and security. This is mutual, however, as we all have a need for love. But I don't think it's fair that she continues to text him while I am her emotional tampong.

 

and she wouldnt like it one bit if I were texting my ex knowing that my ex wanted to have sex with me. She even asked me about it last night (if I am texting other girls) as a way to justify her behavior. That is quite manipulative.

 

So how do I tell her all of these things by only using I statements. Haha I feel that YOU.... Haha Girls, should I break up with her? Before I do anything, I just want to know if you agree with this? Or if there is a better way of dealing with it? How do I talk to her about this?

[Pinnacle]

Easy.

 

"I'm going to see if this other gentlemen will work out. It's not that I don't like you, I just like him more. Maybe if this doesn't work out we can try again!"

[delancey]

So what should I do?

 

1) Be myself and act as if though nothing happened?

2) Confront her about it and see what she says?

3) Confront her about it and end it?

[SuperDuper]

How about 4) Don't keep talking to her and if she asks what's up, you tell her you don't want to be second choice and you're going to find somebody who wants you equally.

[delancey]

Last night, before we went to bed, she asked me to hold her. I told her that I did not want to be with her if she wanted to see somebody else. Then she said that what we have is perfect. We click, we get along, we laugh together, we enjoy each other's company, and that she didn't want to lose me. She said she loved being "us."

 

But I feel like we didn't get closure on the topic. Maybe there isn't a right or a wrong way of discussing this with her. I am just going to tell her what's on my mind and whatever is meant to be will happen. I am happy with myself and I do not need her. I just enjoy being with her and she makes me happy. We really click!!

[delancey]

Later on when she saw it bothered me, she said, "I shouldn't have said anything." Most people probably wouldn't have said anything (because nothing happened).

 

Something else that bothered me is that she kept asking me how I feel about her. Do you like me? Are you in love with me? I hate talking about emotions and getting emotional. I am very loyal and when I give my word to somebody, I mean it 100%. But sounding like a romantic novel about how special someone is is hardly my specialty.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to ask yourself how much you have emotionally invested in this girl in 6 weeks. There has been no commitment, instead you two have just been dating. Dating is full of unknowns and at this point she still has some emotional involvement with her ex.

 

What surprises me is that you two have had an intense amount of conversations concerning her ex and your feelings toward her actions in just a short period of time.

 

I would look at see what her actions are after your discussion then you can determine if you want to stay or leave.

[delancey]

Thanks Walker. That sounds like a very rational approach. I am going to play tennis now and then I am gonna see if she has called me. We are suppose to see each other tonight and I am gonna tell her that I do not want to date someone who sees me as a second best option. Thanks again!

[gluestick]

Dude, she's playing you and will continue as long as you allow her to. Just walk away....

[delancey]

And we kind of did commit, but it has been really weird. Sometimes she calls me her boyfriend, and sometimes not.

[Ms Darcy]

The fact she said she would have sex with him if she saw him is enough information for me to walk away.