Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Say you got a girl who is beautiful, sexy, witty, smart. The chemistry is there and she likes you too. She's independent, has a good job and overall you get along on most levels. What are the things that may want to overlook all her awesomeness and leave her??? Because this has happened to me. Twice actually. They tell me all these things and before I know it, they're withdrawn. Please note: I ruled out sex as a factor.
Amanda Dobson Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I would suggest you have a touch of committment phobia, pure and simple. Scaredy cat You are looking so hard to find a fault, you will always find one, you know one toe longer than the other. You see everyone has flaws, everyone has some issues there, even you!!!! You often find the ones with the biggest issues are the one who point the finger and call it off over someone having 'issues' often far less than their own. Not picking fault here and I am not a guy answering your question like you expected, but I am a girl who did this over and over because I was committment phobic, as I was too much of a fraidy cat to get involved and give anyone an actual chance.
Avila Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I would also like to know this. for my ex, he told me i was all these things but when it came down to it he didn't like that i held him accountable for his actions and demanded respect when he treated me sub- par. he just didn't have the cojones. now he's in a rebound with someone who can't come close but atleast now he has someone to boost his ego! Sweetie it's their loss, not ours. Just means we get to find someone awesome. and yes. the sex was out of this world. it never seems to be a factor does it?
rahul131982 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Well its all in the head isnt it. And dont worry so much if the guy withdrew maybe he wasnt for you. Dont beat yourself up thinking that something is wrong with you. Its not. And choosing to be with someone or not is a personal choice. So cannot generalise it like that
Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I doubt I'm committment phobe. I'd welcome it gladly. And I know it might "be them, not me". But come on, something is clearly wrong, noone wants to continue seeing a "perfect girl"
90_hour_sleep Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 your list of ''perfection'' is pretty short. and it kind of trumps the bigger picture. i agree with rahul. this doesn't translate to something being wrong with you. you can be perfect on paper...have some pretty decent chemistry...and that still doesn't amount to a connection of depth and/or a compatible life vision. there are so many things to consider. you could write a novel on the way people relate and get on together. and a ''couple of guys'' isn't ''no one''. thinking in those terms can become habit pretty quickly, and before you know it you're always looking at things from the vantage of glass half empty. sometimes the glass is half empty, but more often than not it only appears that way because we made a choice to look at things on those terms. it's worth considering that not all people are looking for what you're looking for, or for what you feel you have going for you. it's a good list you have though. and i think if you continue to throw your intentions out there, the right person will find you irresistible. patience and courage.
Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I'd run away from a girl who thinks she is perfect. I was quoting those men that run away.
gluestick Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 No one is perfect. There is no such thing as a "perfect man" or a "perfect girl". Chances are they said that to not hurt your feelings when they're ending things. Regardless, for one reason or another they lost interest in you. Only they would know the real reason and it could range anywhere from reasonable to bizarre reasons. It could be they don't like some part of your personality, could be you have different interests and taste, could be you're too good for them and they're afraid of your intelligence, could be you talk too much, or you're too tall for their liking, could be anything really....
Thorshammer Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 What you mentioned is pretty common out there. You left out not being needy, clingy, jealous, playing test/games, stubborn, etc.
Moggs Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I agree no one can be 'perfect', what's perfect for one person is complete 'imperfection' for another. We are all so individual....... its just that illusive chemistry of attraction....
John12 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 There's so many LITTLE things that can turn a guy off. I was in this situation with a beautiful, smart, funny, fun girl, and while I had a lot of fun with her and thought she was amazingly good looking, there were a few things that I just couldn't get past. Maybe it was because I was comparing her to my ex, I don't know how to explain it. Too many things could be a factor for us to determine.
itsallgrand Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Say you got a girl who is beautiful, sexy, witty, smart. The chemistry is there and she likes you too. She's independent, has a good job and overall you get along on most levels. What are the things that may want to overlook all her awesomeness and leave her??? Because this has happened to me. Twice actually. They tell me all these things and before I know it, they're withdrawn. Please note: I ruled out sex as a factor. Besides what others have said (which are all good points), there is also, there are people who withdraw and even they are not sure quite why. there are people who are out dating, meeting, playing.....generally trying to figure themselves out and what they want. They aren't on a one track to some serious long term potential relationship....they don't have it as a priority. This is ok. But if you have quite a bit of trouble distinguishing who is in what point in their life, on what type of path, what they need and want, it's easy enough to get involved with someone who was never looking for what you are to begin with. It's easy enough to get side swept regardless of what someone is going for (or seems to show they are), looking for, and even when they are on the same track more or less, so this added element can really make it harder if you let it. Sometimes it is easy to forget that not everyone out there is all reasonable, thoughtful, mature, and on point with what they want all the time. In fact, I have yet to meet one person who always had it all figured out. And those who think they do, usually end up doing a harder degree turn than anyone.
FathomFear Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I was quoting those men that run away. They were likely just trying not to hurt your feelings. In all likelihood you weren't perfect for them. And that's okay. No one is perfect, and it can take time to find someone with whom you're a solid match.
Ms Darcy Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I think you need to stop thinking that because I have X then guys should want me forever. Dating is about discovering compatibility. So attraction can be there but guys are actually a lot less shallow than that in the end. Do you have a similar sense of humor? Do you like similar movies? Does he like the way you smile after telling a joke? It's the little things that make men (and women) fall in love. You can be perfect on paper but not perfect for the guy in question.
Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 They were telling me I'm perfect long before they bounced. It wasn't during the break up. There's so many LITTLE things that can turn a guy off. I was in this situation with a beautiful, smart, funny, fun girl, and while I had a lot of fun with her and thought she was amazingly good looking, there were a few things that I just couldn't get past. Maybe it was because I was comparing her to my ex, I don't know how to explain it. Too many things could be a factor for us to determine. Please tell us what those things were? Just so i can calm my nerves.
mhowe Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Here's some questions to ask yourself: 1. Are you high maitenance? Meaning, are you all about how you look, what you wear, etc? 2. Are you high drama? Everything is an issue - a conflict, a question? 3. Do you have any interests except yourself? Can you talk about life in general, people -places - things? Or just you? 4. Do you listen? Or just talk -- Looks will get you through the introductory stage -- who you ARE is what sustains a relationship.
Coconut Twin Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Say you got a girl who is beautiful, sexy, witty, smart. The chemistry is there and she likes you too. She's independent, has a good job and overall you get along on most levels. What are the things that may want to overlook all her awesomeness and leave her??? Because this has happened to me. Twice actually. They tell me all these things and before I know it, they're withdrawn. Please note: I ruled out sex as a factor. No such thing as "perfect" person for a start. Which shows that people who think their woman is "perfect" is under an illusion, and vice versa. It's the initial fuzziness of a blossoming relationship or honeymoon that makes us believe that their poo smells of roses. I don't know how you were in yuor relationships or how long they lasted, but maybe after the initial buzz they realized that you're human like most people, so they moved on looking for the unattainable "perfect" person.
quirky Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I think some posters have been a bit strict as your OP wasn't arrogant at all..you were just quoting what those guys said. Apart from some good points mentioned above I also believe that sometimes being too good can put someone off. Example: If I meet a guy that is balanced, has a good job, looks good is confident, is practical logical and overal normal I will probably not be attracted to him cos I like weirder/more troubled people. The 'perfect' guy is great on paper or is great for someone else as I like more edgyness. Also another example is my ex, towards the end he said he felt I was more advanced than him. That wasn't good for his ego/self esteem and I suspect didn't allow him to relax enough because he felt like he was 'catching up'. So as others said is more about compatibility rather than being great.
Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Thank you for explainig me better. I do realize there's no such thing as perfection. But you can be just right for each other and that's when you say: wow you're perfect (for me).
BrianH46 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Because she wasn't that awesome and I said those things to get in her pants. : Might be a possible explanation. Girls who I find amazing, I generally don't let get away also I tend to save my compliments for when we get more serious. Reason being I want her to understand that my praise shouldn't be taken lightly and that I mean what I say.
Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Because she wasn't that awesome and I said those things to get in her pants. : Might be a possible explanation. Girls who I find amazing, I generally don't let get away also I tend to save my compliments for when we get more serious. Reason being I want her to understand that my praise shouldn't be taken lightly and that I mean what I say. Good point! He looked head over heals for me maybe that was all an act makes me miss him less tho, so thanx!
Elsewhere Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 How long were you guys together elsewhere? Dating for 2 months...
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