I'm done.

[dasnico]

I have spent countless hours over the past few weeks scouring these forums seeking some magical solution to my heartache. What's pathetic is we were only seeing each other a couple weeks, and I can't come to terms with why I'm still hung up on this guy. From our first date everything went so well, and I'll be the first to admit things progressed way too fast, and I made no attempt to slow it down. I was working a lot and we didn't see each other much, which is the only solid reason I can come to terms with as to why he "lost the spark" so fast and ended it. I've dated before, had longer relationships than this, but there was something about this one. A definite connection which we have both acknowledged.

 

I haven't appeared needy, clingy, or desperate. I've made a point to not come accross that way. I've given him plenty of space and have maintained super LC. I initiated contact two weeks after we split attempting to take him up on his friends offer with a short to the point message, and he agreed to hang out, which I'm almost sure was out of guilt. He picked the day, time and location. We had dinner and had a great time. I was nonchalant, upbeat, positive and had a great attitude the whole time. It really felt like our first date again. Afterwards he hugged me and smiled at me then asked me to give him a call some time. I could've said the phone works both ways, but I didn't. I thanked him for a great evening and he said he had fun too and then he watched me leave. I'm not sure what I expected out of seeing him again, but I know that I've left things in the most positive light as I possibly could. That was almost a week ago and we've been NC since.

 

I've debated hitting him up again in a few weeks (as per his "offer") to see if he'd be up for doing something. I've decided I'm not going to. If he contacts me then I'll cross that bridge at the time. I have thought about him every day since we first met... he's on my mind when I wake up in the morning, throughout the day at work, and before I go to bed at night. I go out with friends and have a good time, but he's still in the back of my mind. We never once argued or disagreed on anything. Time will heal, I know that. I'm still struggling to move on, and I'm always thinking about whether I cross his mind like he crosses mine. Over dinner he told me that after it ended he was still debating with himself if he made the right decision and told me I hit all the right marks with him.

 

Point is, while I'm making every effort to move on, I still can't help but hope (even just a little bit) that later on down the line we may stand a chance at a legitimate relationship with each other. But like I said, I'm done. I'm done seeking answers to questions I already know the answers to. I'm done trying to pursue him. Though deep down I don't want to give up on him, as I have had luck in the past pursuing ex's to some extent, I don't think I can take this any more. Sometimes I'm fine and feel "over" him, and other times I really miss him and just want to see his smile again. Regardless of that, being able to discuss my feelings on here has helped tremendously.

[photograph11]

Sometimes we meet someone who we feel an instant chemistry with, or that we like at the first date. I understand what you could be going through. I remember the first date i had with my recent breakup, it was very special what i felt that night and we both acknowledged it. My best advice would be to let him come to you.

[Devia]

I understand what you're saying about being able to discuss your feelings here helping you out. I always seem to come to these forums looking for an answer that I already know but don't want to believe, but it takes other people pointing out to reassure myself that it really is true.

 

I know this advice sucks and you already admitted to it, but time really does heal...or not necessarily "heal", rather "lessens the pain". I don't think I've ever actually healed from any hard experiences - I've just learned how to cope with the pain and allow those experiences to shape me and help me make judgments in the future.

 

I also don't belittle your feelings from only dating the guy a couple weeks. The length of time is not always a determination of a relationship and feelings. I think give it a few more weeks of not going out of your way to associate with him(but do not ignore him should he want to contact you because that will just give him the idea that you don't like him at all). After that, try and spend time together as friends and get to know each other a little better, then if you are still feeling that "spark" maybe bring it up to him and see how he feels about things. Hope that helps.

[Hollyj]

Let me get this straight, you have spent countless hours agonizing over someone who dumped you the day after you only sexual encounter, and is also bi, with a preference for men. Oh goodness!

 

I would not want anything to do with someone who had clearly used me for sex, much less be agonizing and doing anything possible to be his 'friend.' You really need to get your self-esteem in order and ask yourself why you're in this situation.

[Philos]

Here's the magical solution, but it isn't as nice as anyone hopes for:

 

Time.

[dasnico]

Let me get this straight, you have spent countless hours agonizing over someone who dumped you the day after you only sexual encounter, and is also bi, with a preference for men. Oh goodness!

 

I would not want anything to do with someone who had clearly used me for sex, much less be agonizing and doing anything possible to be his 'friend.' You really need to get your self-esteem in order and ask yourself why you're in this situation.

 

You seem to have read up on my story. As you can tell by the post title, I'm done. If you researched correctly you'll understand that his preference for men isn't really the issue... my apologies if this falls under the wrong subforum, but I feel I get more responses when I post in the appropriate forum that my feelings fall under. Believe me I asked him about if the sex was the issue, and he said it wasn't, and I believe him. I don't really expect you to understand... and sex isn't required for feelings to be there, at least on my end. I don't know if I can say the same for him. Like I said in my post, I'm not sure why I'm in this position, and I'm making my best effort to move past this, but emotions are a funny thing, and I'm dealing with them the best I can.

 

I appreciate the positive comments I've received thus far. This was more of a post for me to vent rather than going crawling back to him asking questions, and it works. Having somewhere to express my feelings really helps. I'm the kind of person who likes to leave things on positive terms with people. I've made this effort in all my past relationships. If my self-esteem was in order I wouldn't be on here asking for advice.

[Hollyj]

My point is is that you are continuing to pursue something - even a friendship - after he used you for sex.

 

Do you usually get so attached after such a short period? I can't really see this as being an ex or relationship , as you two barely knew one another. BTW, you don't have to leave things on a positive note, if someone has messed you about. Healthy is moving on and looking after one self, not agonizing over a non existent relationship. "I have spent countless hours over the past few weeks scouring these forums seeking some magical solution to my heartache. What's pathetic is we were only seeing each other a couple weeks, and I can't come to terms with why I'm still hung up on this guy."