Do I have a right to be angry with ex bf?

[intheclouds]

Just tonight I'm really angry with my ex bf, but I don't know if I should. I'll explain....

 

We were together for four months until March when my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I lost the plot a bit (we're really, really close). We remained friends and he suggested we take a 'break' rather than break up but I declined because he gets deployed in September anyway so I didn't see any point.

 

Nevertheless I still liked him and we still had sex now and then. I think to still feel a bit of affection in a difficult time. However, my feelings for him grew and I can say I have really fallen for him now (but kept it quiet). He hasn't said anything either.

 

The last time I saw him was a 3 weeks ago when he invited me out with his friends karting, then out drinking the following night with his friends. He was acting like we were together - looking obviously jealous when I started talking to an attractive male colleague, hold my hand, spoon me etc and his friends acted like we were together too.

 

Anyway, 2 weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to come out for a meal with me and my family and he declined (5 hours later) and that he only got the text and had already eaten and I haven't heard from him since. Usually weeks go by between us seeing each other and I guess now I'm beginning to feel used, as if he were always taking advantage of my vulnerability and the fact my head was all over the place and I wanted affection during a horrific time. I'm also confused about him acting as though we were together the last time we spoke.

 

Can anyone make any sense of what's going on for me?? I'm feeling confused and angry right now.

[DN]

I don't think he used you any more than you used him. After all, it was you that decided to break up.

[Capricorn3]

I'm not sure why you're angry at him. You broke up with him but later down the track you decided you are now falling in love with him. He's been kind, friendly and invited you out with his friends etc. I think now that you feel you have fallen for him, you kinda expect him to be a mind reader and "just know". No, I'm not sure why you feel used at all.

[intheclouds]

The break up was mutual, but I see your point DN. I suppose I'm just confused as to why he acts like we're together and then doesn't get in touch for weeks on end - and when I ask him to do something, he makes something up.

 

Capricorn - I don't normally feel used, it's only tonight after reading a thread on ENA about people a person for sex. I do think I need to tell him my feelings though, and you are right, he was being kind.

[Sportster2005]

If you miss him, and the relationship is finished you may be experiencing grief. Grief can occur with any loss. Not just death. Anger is a normal part of grief. It's just part of us. And yes you have a right to be angry or feel any other human emotion without anyone's approval. Just don't make decisions when you are angry. They may come back to haunt you. Once the bell as been wrung it can't be undone.

 

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[intheclouds]

Thanks Sportster. Yes, life has been pretty tough these past few months and there's a lot of grief from different sources, unfortunately.

 

I think the anger is probably more to do with thinking the ex cared - but in the end finding out he might not, and just saw me as easy prey (which would be pretty sick). That makes me equally sad and angry.