Is there something I can say to him? We have 5 weeks until our baby is here.

[tattoolover]

My boyfriend and I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and a new baby on the way in 5 weeks. Lately he has been hanging out with his male friend a lot more often. He's been out of work for 2 weeks. and for the past month he goes out every week and comes home drunk. Last week it happened twice. In the past month he stayed at his friends house twice over night. I don't mind if he hangs out with his friend. Its just lately its becomming more and more. He said that he needs to go out atleast twice a week with him which is fine i said. but now its happening 3 times a week and progressing. He hangs out with him for 4 or more hours at a time.

 

I feel like I hardly get to see him and when I do get to see him he is recooping from the night before. So he's tired and doesn't want to do anything. I mentioned it to him that it's starting to bother me. He said that I was the reason why he hasn't hung out with his friends lately. Which I think is crap cuz I didn't care if he did. He hurt my feelings yesterday by saying I can't be around you 24/7 and it's not healthy for him to hang out with his friends. But I never get to leave the house I stay home all day with our daughter and never get time away. He says I can but if I go out I gotta bring our daughter. I only have 2 friends who's work schedules are all messed up so I hardly get to see them. I told him that I get lonley when he is out all night and makes me sad. When he comes home drunk or late he asks if I'm mad... The other thing is I mentioned that he hangs out with this guy for more than 4 hours and its kinda not cool cuz of our family. He said I should be able to do what I want when I want and I shouldn't have a time restriction with my friends. I never feel like I win in this situation. So far in a week I got to see and hang out with him twice for full days.

 

Am I just being too lame or what? It just hurts me that he hangs out with his friend more than his family. I miss him and I told him that. He replys with a "sorry" and that's it. We live together and we havn't had a dinner together as a family for over 2 weeks. He use to be home often and help cook and eat with us. It's just eating at me and I tried to talk to him about it but when I do he turns it around on me. I really don't mind him hanging out with friends cuz that's what relationships I feel as he is starting to do it too much. Is there a way I can tell him that it's starting to become too much? I told him I need more help around the house and with our daughter cuz it's starting to be too much for me at the last 5 weeks of pregnancy.

[karben]

This guy sounds like a huge loser. He has a daughter and a bun in the oven and no job? Sweety, has he even been looking for work? Not him saying he's applied to all the places, but I mean have you physically witnessed him looking for a job? Who's money is he using to go out with? Someone with a kid needs work. No matter what. It teaches the children responsibility and money is helpful while raising a family. How often do you guys get intimate? Would you suspect him of cheating? I would stop focusing on his friend, and focu on YOU. Don't say, "youve been out with joe for four hours!." Say, "you've left me and our children alone for four hours." You guys need to have a serious talk. Im 23 and haven't spent the night at a friends house in over 4 years. I just think that's a bit strange. He sounds manipulative and lazy. You are in the right here, not him. Don't let him win. He is not doing anything a man with a family should be doing. I don't know your past and if you gravitate towards these men for some reason but it might even be worth couples counseling and maybe even some therapy for you. Stay strong, you are right here, not this so-called man you're with.

[tattoolover]

Yes he had an interview today. Sounds like he's getting this job. He is working on his GED so he can make better money for us. He uses a lil of his but mostly has his friend pay for his drinks. I think its wrong. I thought he was cheating but I'm over that suspision now. I want it almost everyday lol but we do often still. His friend comes and picks him up. I've tried to talk to him about it but we end up arguing over it. I want to talk to his mom about it cuz I have a feeling she will say something to him. I think he is doin this cuz he's not working and maybe scared about having a second child. he is 24 and I am 27. He was great with our daughter. He was home a lot helping me take care of her. I did mention to him that since he started hanging out with his friend he has changed to a different attitude. He told me whatever tho. I'm not working either due to some issues about anxiety and being in public and being pregnant. we don't have the money for couples counceling and I know he wont go. He's acting like his dad and he said he never wanted to be like him.

[bulletproof]

So he's 24, still working on his GED, and for fun he just gets drunk with his friend a few times a week? He just sounds very immature and not particularly motivated. If he's drinking so much that he's incapable of spending time with you because of a hangover, that's pretty bad. And why are you taking care of the child all the time when he isn't even working?

 

If you go out, you have to bring your daughter, but he doesn't have to bring her if he goes out? You have different sets of rules. That doesn't seem fair. He can't stay home with your child on his own so that you can get out for a bit?

 

This relationship seems one-sided and really unhealthy. You say he was great with your daughter at first, but she's only 2 and a half. There's about sixteen years left of child rearing and he seems to have gotten bored pretty quickly.

[tattoolover]

He's been out with his friend for over 7 hours now. I text him and said I really need him. I'm feeling lonely and sad. I'm having contractions which are prolly braxton hicks and he knows that for the past week I've been dealing with these and their just getting worse every week. I know he's either not going to be home tonight or come home at 2am again. I dunno if he's stressed cuz we can't pay rent. he was suppose to get his 401k money and found out that it's going to be later than they told him. He's looking for a job. I hardly got told about his job interview today. When he got back his friend was with him and after he changed they left.

[SpottiOtti]

Hey, Tattoolover. I'm very sorry that you have to deal with all of this nonsense right now, with a baby on the way soon. It's bunk. It sucks when you need your man to step up and have your back and he bails because he is acting like a pejorative term for cat. Your man is being very selfish. I'm sorry.

 

It sounds like you will have to lean on others for support here. Do you have family in the area that could help you? I know you said there were a couple friends with crazy schedules. Could they help you out at all?

 

You may have to rethink what you thought your life would look like, come up with some ideas. Be practical, override the emotions, etc. It sounds like this guy is not going to be real dependable for you. What do you plan to do after the baby is here? Work, etc.

[tattoolover]

he said that I could stay home and take care of the kids. He said he wants to keep the family together when we were having problems. I'm going to talk to him today when he gets home. He stayed out all night cuz my mom sent him a txt chewing him out for drinking 3 out of 5 days and being drunk. Saying he need to not be a coward like my dad and be a father and step up and be here for us. So his excuse last night was to have a bon fire with his friend and stay over there and drink. He text me last night telling me this but wouldn't answer my phone calls. I told him he shouldn't take out what my mom said to hiim out on me and that it's bs. Today I'm going to ask and tell him what is more important to you? Going out drinking or having your family? and see what happens.