He has contact me, now I am all over the place

[Fenella21]

Hi,

 

If anyone has read my last post you will understand the traumatic time I have had.

 

I have not heard from this man in 6 months. 2 weeks ago he called me, blocked his number and called 12 times at 1am before he spoke. He wanted to apologise. I listened, said goodbye.

 

Then 4 days ago he called again, to apologise, to explain why he acted the way he did, to tell me I had him all wrong. He was sat outside my house. He came in, we talked, we hugged, we kissed for 4 hours, he left.

 

Then 2 days after...yesterday he called early hours...still blocking his number to ask if I was ok following seeing him.

 

Why? Why has he done this, I deleted his number, he knows this, I have no way of contacting him yet he thinks he can call whenever he wants, just drop into my life.

 

If I have turned up at his house he would have called the police!

 

I do not understand, Why do ex's do this? What was his motivation, because now after stopping the tears I just want to cry again

[OneSadPuppy]

Dear Fene,

 

The answer seems pretty clear to me, and I suppose if you thought about it, you would "get it" too.

This man wants something from you.

Be it sex, companionship, sympathy, attention or all of them combined.

 

The real thing that you have to pay attention to is that "he" wants. He is bulldozing your boundaries (mind you they seem quite fragile) and pushing you around.

Personally, I already don't like him and wouldn't want a person like that in my life. Kind of a vampire don't you think?

 

Regardless, given your question, and these flex-boundaries you keep, straight up question: What do you want?

 

My gut tells me you either

a) want this guy, but want him to be true, committed and honorable where you won't get hurt.

b) that he just leave you alone.

 

You need to really just think this through.

This man has clearly hurt you before. He's pushy, selfish, stubborn and has no consideration for your feelings. He just wants!

These characteristics have been demonstrated since he came back recently. What other characteristics where there when you two were together?

Don't focus on the good characteristics either, that's not constructive when you're thinking about if you need to protect yourself!!

 

Personally, I'd tell the vamp to bugger off before I have him charged with harassment.

Given the recent time you've just spent together, you'll likely not be so harsh.

Tell him, "I can never go back to you, leave me alone".

Or, give it another whirl, but I already know the outcome to that.

 

The one thing I advise you beyond anything above, is work on those boundaries.

They must be a steel wall or your in for a life time of hurt!

 

OSP

[TriColors]

After reading your previous posts its apparent that you are dealing with a manipulative crazy person. Chances are that his other relationships aren't working out right now and he's trying to weasel his way back to you.

 

He's done so much to you and put you through so much emotional turmoil, do you really want him back? The answer should be no. Its probably best to pick up the phone next time and tell him that you are not going to go through this again and if he shows up, calls, etc you will be calling the police to deal with it.

[aliciakirwin]

I know you can be the stronger one and just move on. I can honestly say that he is not worth your time or kisses or love or anything. Get out of there cause if you don't, you'll just get hurt over and over...

[mhowe]

He wants to stop feeling guilty for the way he has treated you. Which is not the same as apologizing for how he has treated you.

 

Going forward, when you see a blocked number, don't answer it. Anyone who has something to tell you will leave a voice mail. If you have to talk to him again, ask him to leave you alone. If he does not, take further steps....ie. a restraining order.

 

It is time for you to heal -- not cater to what he wants/needs.

[Fenella21]

Thank you all. I do have weak barriers, all the emotional turmoil has left me very vulnerable. I just want to heal but don't stop thinking about him, what he's done. I think I spoke ti him and let him in to try and see good in him. To justify all the emotions and time I'v put in. How do you guys do it? He's robbed me of my self esteem

[mhowe]

He didn't rob you --- you gave it to him. And now you take it back.

 

You realize you don't need him, he doesn't validate you or how you feel.

 

You are a good person. Period. Create stronger barriers. Walk away from the turmoil.

 

Time spent -- is behind you. Look to your future. With enthusiasm.

[Ms Darcy]

No one can protect you but you.

 

Of course he's gonna keep playing his game if you invite him into your house and kiss him for hours.