Ex back on the scene after long distance

[Langeveldt]

Hi all

 

In a royal situation right now.. Had a nasty breakup with the ex about six months ago, but I found out she is doing an internship in my home town (I live in South Africa and her in the UK.. We are both ending up in the UK by the end of the year).

 

TO cut a long story short she has always wanted me to be here for her during her internship.. To go as far as saying she wouldn't be able to do it without me being here for her.. So here I am, and we have had a fantastic time.. I've shown her around and we've been getting on better than ever.. There is still something there she admits, but she just doesn't want a relationship.. Obviously I want her back, otherwise I wouldnt be posting on here.. Its hard for both of us, because we both know full well that if I pull the plug she goes home with nothing, however we both know that right now we want very different things.. So it's a catch 22 situation..

 

I'm getting a lot of affection, linking arms in the mall, which I told her wasn't on.. Things are basically perfect until I bring up the R word and then she freaks out and goes back into her strong independent woman mode, which is ironic seeing as she can't be here without me.. I guess I'm just being used as an enormous security and comfort zone, and when she goes back to the UK it will be normal service resumed.. Not happy really.. I don't want to be a pathetic comfort blanket, but the consequences of me throwing in the towel here upset me just as much..

 

Thoughts? Go easy, I'm a proud guy and this is a difficult one for both of us.. I want to know if I should carry on being like this or drastically change my approach..

 

Rich

[DanDee]

I think deep down, you know what you need to do but it's just a question of whether or not you're strong enough to cut ties completely. You do not owe her anything by staying in touch with her, it was her decision to move and accept she might be there alone. Put yourself first.

[aliciakirwin]

i'd say enjoy the little times you have together but don't think too much of it. if she crosses the line by doing something that people in a relationship would do (like kissing, sex, etc.), then you need to stop. that's when she's definitely just using you or toying with you.