I don't know how to become a better person

[RockSteady]

Hi, I'm 18 years old, and I'm currently going through depression at the moment.

 

I'll try to make this as succinct as possible, because walls of text are generally not fun to read.

 

I've done some personal reflection over the past few months, and I've come to the conclusion that I take things to seriously, and because of that, I haven't really made many friends in my life.

 

I think it's mainly because of my upbringing. I've been around a lot of people, such as my teachers and parents, and I feel like their very strict authoritarian behaviour sort of rubbed off on me, and while I didn't really become authoritarian per se, I gained a lot of authoritarian personality traits, such as egotism, adamancy, narcissism, impatience, and elitism.

 

The elitism and egotism combined is what makes me take things so seriously, the elitism, adamancy and narcissism combined is what makes me uncompromising, and the elitism and impatience combined is what makes me passive aggressive and bitter.

 

I've seen many psychiatrists / psychologists, etc, and they've all told me I'm extremely self-aware and intelligent. They've also told me that because of this, they're unable to offer me any advice, so I'm sort of stuck in an uncomfortable position.

 

I've become very accustomed to acting and reacting in a certain way, I really want to change, but I feel like because I've been exposed to these types of people for so long, it's really ingrained the traits deep into the core of my personality. I really want to break the cycle, but I don't know how.

 

Everyone says admitting you have a problem is the hardest step. It's never been that way for me. It's been so easy for me to admit that I'm wrong on so many different occasions, but what generally follows after that is "but I don't care, do things my way" and that's the type of uncompromising rigid mindset I want to reprogram.

 

I've noticed that many of my personality defects all seem to stem solely or at least partially from elitism, and I guess that's the thing I want to work on changing. I want to know how I can stop viewing myself as better than everyone else.

 

I feel like it's not too late. I'm only 18.

 

Any suggestions?

[Silverbirch]

I don't even know you but I find it sort of endearing that you have this awareness of your "elitism" - I'm thinking you are aware of having been brought up in probably a very socially and financially privileged background and you have this awareness of social class and the ways it provides advantage to you. In some ways, that makes you mature way beyond your years. There''s something very likeable about that. Don't closse your eyes to you good qualities.

[rahul131982]

You are just 18. Maybe yu should try doing things that kids your age do....My wife used to be like you.....she was very mature when she was growing up and didnt really do things that she should have done when she was young and now she sometimes says she missed out doing things when they were supposed to be done because she was too serious.

 

Anyways live life in the moment and dont let your life pass you by because you cant get it back even if you want it later.