lilymunster67 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Ok so I'm hoping this won't be too long but we shall see! Where I work there is a guy, lets call him 'B'. When he first started working there, he would sort of stare while I was working and occasionally say hello, and as we became more acquainted (we hadn't yet had a proper conversation) he would often say things in different languages to me as I went in and out of the room where he works (I later found out he was complimenting me; calling me beautiful etc). We first spoke properly a few months ago and we found it very easy to talk to each other, both of us playfully insulting one another and flirting quite a lot. As I spoke to him more and more (probably about 5 hours that day), I found him more and more attractive. Other people joked about how we were a cute couple and asking when the wedding is etc. However, one of the other women who also works in the same place happened to mention his girlfriend, who he had not mentioned, and looked embarrassed and slightly annoyed when she mentioned her. Anyway, as we spoke more as the weeks progressed, I tried to rid myself of any feelings towards him as I know he's strictly off limits, however I couldn't help being attracted to him. Me and him really do have a lot of undeniable chemistry and as much as I tried to keep my flirting down to a minimum, I am naturally quite a 'flirty' person, as I'm assuming he is too. Last week we got onto the topic of his girlfriend, who he's been with for around 4/5 months, and he was saying that he was a very good boyfriend who doesn't flirt with other girls and how he'd 'never ever cheat' (I was teasing him about how he doesn't respect people) and what he plans to do for her birthday. Obviously talking about this made me pretty jealous but also I thought it would be the reminder I needed that I can't pursue this guy. Ok so yesterday neither of us were aware we were at work together, and I'm not going to lie, I had massive butterflies when I saw him, and he acted like he hadn't seen me (he usually does this when I'm with my dad, who also works in the same place, but in a different area). I noticed throughout the day he was a lot less talkative, but later learned this was due to him being unwell. Anyway, I noticed there was a lot more tension between us (not the bad kind) this time, for example he would hold the door open for me and be stood very close to me as I walked through, staring straight into my eyes and smirking. Also, when I was in the same room I would see him staring at me, and would carry on doing so when our eyes met. As we both got more free time during the day we got to talking like normal, about anything and everything, and he was a lot more touchy-feely than before (just playfully hitting, or putting his hands on my back to nudge me out of the way when really he could get past without doing so). He also asks me to do him favours, usually when the activity involves us being alone somewhere. He said a few times he liked how I looked that day, and that he enjoys my company. He also joked about how 'I'm in trouble when I start attracting him', but I just laughed it off. I couldn't help feeling like maybe he'd been having problems with his girlfriend as he seemed slightly down, but didn't want to ask and thought he'd bring it up if he wanted to. Throughout the day he would text me trying to make me laugh or complimenting me. Anyway after I left he texted me saying I looked really nice that day (an 8.5 out of 10 apparently, lucky me!), and as we found out more about each other he said I'd 'won him over'. We carried on talking until we both fell asleep. Now, I'm really developing some strong feelings for him, and sort of want to ask him straight out if he's interested or if it's just playful flirting because I wouldn't ever want to get in the way of his relationship but I can't help feeling he really is interested in me, but it might just be wishful thinking! Your opinions or advice would be really helpful, so thank you for reading all of this!
The_Seeker Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Uh back off? He is with someone. LOL Trying to play mistress, I see.
lilymunster67 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I wouldn't EVER want to 'play mistress', his girlfriend seems lovely and I wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing!
The_Seeker Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I wouldn't EVER want to 'play mistress', his girlfriend seems lovely and I wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing! Then back off, silly. LOL That guy is a d-bag if he can't handle a relationship or doesn't know how to communicate to his girlfriend that something is wrong in the relationship. He is just sitting there looking pretty and nagging like a girl.
PJK Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Eh, just keep doing what you're doing. Don't try to break them up or anything but if he likes you enough he'll probably end it with his current GF. I mean, they haven't been together that long.
lilymunster67 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Haha, I suppose you're right, but he sure is pretty! It's just he's the first guy I've ever really felt anything with and it sucks that (at least I think) he's got a girlfriend. Ah well, that's life I suppose!
lilymunster67 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Yeah, I was thinking I should perhaps tone down my flirting completely, but it's hardly outrageous in the slightest! I'll carry on as I am and hope for the best, thanks.
The_Seeker Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Haha, I suppose you're right, but he sure is pretty! It's just he's the first guy I've ever really felt anything with and it sucks that (at least I think) he's got a girlfriend. Ah well, that's life I suppose! Yeah, so um if he is willing to leave his girlfriend for you, god who knows when you two get pissed off, and he goes blah blah blah to another girl. I find him lame.
lilymunster67 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Yeah, so um if he is willing to leave his girlfriend for you, god who knows when you two get pissed off, and he goes blah blah blah to another girl. I find him lame. Yeah I see where you're coming from, I do get the feeling he's been involved with quite a few girls! Perhaps the whole 'girls like bad boys' thing is true after all.
The_Seeker Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Yeah I see where you're coming from, I do get the feeling he's been involved with quite a few girls! Perhaps the whole 'girls like bad boys' thing is true after all. Not for me. I don't go for bad boys. I beat them up especially when they force their way with me.
Snny Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I would limit your contact with him. Not only will your feelings for him go away, but you want to avoid co-workers spreading gossip about you and him. As you said, someone you work with already knows that he has a girlfriend. You never know where that information will go... be careful.
Sapientia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I wouldn't EVER want to 'play mistress', his girlfriend seems lovely and I wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing! BS. There are lies we tell others and those we tell ourselves. Still a lie, only difference is who you are lying to. How you respect others (or don't) is a sign of how much you respect yourself. Limit your contact when and until they are broken up.
The_Seeker Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 BS. There are lies we tell others and those we tell ourselves. Still a lie, only difference is who you are lying to. How you respect others (or don't) is a sign of how much you respect yourself. Sapientia, you should become a cop. That's why I find the OP full of contradictions.
Sapientia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Sapientia, you should become a cop. LOL, why? I would make a terrible police officer. I'd feel so sorry for all those sad people. Could never be a nurse for the same reason.
The_Seeker Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 LOL, why? I would make a terrible police officer. I'd feel so sorry for all those sad people. Could never be a nurse for the same reason. Come on, you saw the OP right through it like I did.
rahul131982 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I am saying this from experience, ask him to pick and ask him to do that now. Do not continue this in the hope that he would leave his gf for you. And if he doesnt plan to leave his gf then stop because you are going to get hurt at the end of this.
Sapientia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Come on, you saw the OP right through it like I did. Ah. Scientist-trained am I. I think we are probably one of the few professions more skeptical than law enforcement.
lilymunster67 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 BS. There are lies we tell others and those we tell ourselves. Still a lie, only difference is who you are lying to. How you respect others (or don't) is a sign of how much you respect yourself. Limit your contact when and until they are broken up. Ok so I ask for advice and you just accuse me of trying to steal him from his girlfriend? I don't see how my behaviour is disrespectful to her, if anything I've been the one backing off from him so no it's not BS.
ParisPaulette Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Oh boy, unless and until he breaks it off with the girl he's with leave him alone and tell him to back off. Unless you are completely and totally comfortable with the fact that everyone at work, including your dad, will know sooner or later that you are getting involved with someone who is already taken and is likely looking for a good time at your expense. His actions and yours have already been noticed by your colleagues since the coworker was speaking to you to give you a heads up about this guy having a GF since he wasn't being honest enough to tell you himself. And don't even get me started on what that signifies except to say it's a screaming neon red flag. His actions in the face of him being with someone else plus the fact he didn't tell you about his GF plus the fact he got upset when someone else did tell you about her plus his inappropriately touchy feely behavior with you at work all add up to one thing and one thing only: this guy is looking for his next good time and thinks you'll give it to him and doesn't really care what damage it will cause your reputation in the office, his girlfriend's feelings or yours in the long run. He's thinking of one thing and one thing only between his legs or he wouldn't be acting the way he is to you--period. No exceptions, no ifs and or buts. If he were honorable he'd be keeping his mouth shut and reigning in his behavior until he'd ended it with the GF. And then he'd come to you and tell you himself he wanted more and he'd treat you with the respect and courtesy you deserve. Seriously if this guy were an unattractive guy with a GF or wife acting towards you the way this guy does would you feel flattered or would you look a be running to HR and your father to get the man fired? You need to stand up for yourself and this man's GF who doesn't know what's going on at all and is likely foolishly trusting both him and you to do the right thing and not get involved with each other and cheat on her. So tell him to cool his jets and keep it in his pants unless and until he's actually available for something serious. And you need to learn to take other people's commitments more seriously and not be such a willing participant to someone else's sleazy behavior. Remember, the way he treats her now is the way he'll treat you in the future when he's bored or having a tough time or someone else comes along.
Sapientia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Ok so I ask for advice and you just accuse me of trying to steal him from his girlfriend? I don't see how my behaviour is disrespectful to her, if anything I've been the one backing off from him so no it's not BS. Seriously if this guy were an unattractive guy with a GF or wife acting towards you the way this guy does would you feel flattered? You need to learn to take other people's commitments more seriously and not be such a willing participant to someone else's sleazy behavior. Remember, the way he treats her now is the way he'll treat you in the future when he's bored or having a tough time or someone else comes along. Your behaviour, assuming you continue to tolerate it, is disrespectful to yourself. Read the bolded above. Its a truism: if they'll do it to them, they'll do it to you. Be warned.
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