I am going to find it very difficult to deal with our break up

[Klattu]

We were in love, we had a few problems, we broke up and during all of this I became a changed man. I went through a phase of thinking that I didn't love my wife when we broke up in the middle of 2010, but within a matter of weeks I realised the mistake I had made. She used the phrase, 'I have turned the corner', this will haunt me till my dying day. We talked a lot, discussed everything but she was still adamant that for her the love was gone. So, I had an epiphanal moment which involved a lot of soul searching, spiritual exploration, church visits, spending hours looking out to sea in contemplation. I came to the conclusion that I love my wife more than, well more than anything I can think of. I read a book by Deepak Chopra, part of it suggested that if you want something back you have to let it go. I did precisely this and, well, she came to me.

 

The change in me, I feel, was a very spiritual one. I am now more emotionally aware, I know what Love is meant be, and I know who I should be with..... my beautiful wife. Everyone we know noticed the change in me, I became more confident, talkative, attentive, caring, loving.

 

Can you guess what happened next. We got back together last December and I was the happiest man in the universe. All was good, we were in love... passionately. But within a few months, she started to back off, 'I feel like I'm being smothered', 'my love is retreating a little but don't worry'. I did worry. I gave her space, we talked and she always said 'don't worry, it's ok'. We now at the stage where she says that the feeling of love, for me, has gone. 'I just don't feel it anymore, I'm so sorry'...

 

I only have love fer her but she doesn't want me. I don't know what to do, I am dangling in limbo land trying to decide what to do. I can't afford to move out, we are still sleeping in the same bed... no love making or hugs. She just wants us to be 'great friends'. I just simply cannot do this, I love her too much.

 

I don't expect any magical solutions from anyone who may read this, but at the moment I can't focus on anything..... I am lost. I will be moving out (yet again) when I have saved enough money for a deposit to rent a flat. We have a gorgeous 3 year old daughter and two older fantastic step-children. I am going miss our family unity and all the day to day stuff that goes on, I am now crying.

 

Thanks for reading.

[GetOverItPlz]

This post made me very sad to read. You seem like a very kind spirit, and those are the ones that always take it the hardest. All I can say is take that reflection and that newfound spirituality and channel it again. Use it to help yourself figure a positive way out of this situation.

 

You are right- there are no magic words and no easy roads through this. But keep a positive outlook like last time and it will (eventually) see you through.

 

Best of luck.

[Clueless90]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time and though your situation is really complicated I think maybe you should possibly consider temporarily staying with friends and family? Or if not maybe stop sleeping in the same bed as it kind of will make reality sink in? Its very sad that it hasn't worked for you but sometimes the people in our lives are just preparing us for when we really meet the right one for us in the future. Its hard to see it now and what do I know about marriage? I'm 22 but I feel like every relationship i have had I notice with each one I am picking people who're better and better and I see it now it is experience and polishing me for when I do meet my special person. I don't believe in 'the one' and that there literally is only one person out there for us but I do believe you will meet someone who you're even more compatible with and who will reciprocate your feelings.

[FreeFallFeelin]

Very sad indeed. You sound like a very aware, diligent and committed person Klutta. It seems, just from reading your post, that when you two initially broke up you did the right thing and used the opportunity to grow and change for the better. Unfortunately, she may not have. You had new fuel for your love to make the second attempt. She didn't, and coming back to the same relationship with the same old tools just wasn't enough to keep her in it.

 

Have you discussed couples therapy? I think it's worth an all out effort to keep your family unit together.

 

My heart goes out to you sir.

[Klattu]

When I move out and arrange the inevitable father / daughter time, I will look into my child's eyes and see her gorgeous smile and visualise my beautiful wife and how in love we once were. Remaining positive .... very very difficult. I can't bear it. When I pick up my daughter I will see my beautiful wife at the doorstep and eventually another man will love her... I can't bear this thought.

 

We've had plenty of couples counselling. She doesn't hate me, there is no animosity or bitterness, just not feeling the love anymore. I really not dealing with all this very well at all.

 

Thanks for your eplies