wheninrome75 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Basically, in an argument of sorts, we broke off our 11 yearish relationship. I love him of course, and it is killing me. What do you do when you heart wants him back but your mind knows it is a losing battle? Why do I miss someone who treated me so bad in the end? Talked to me and treated me like I was/am trash. Never apologized. I gave him all I had and did not even keep anything for myself. Why does he keep hurting me and why do I allow him to? I was there for when he needed me. Now that he doesn't, he turned into a total jerk just so we would break-up.
mg22 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 When did you break up?? and why is he still hurting you? no one can hurt you if you allow them too.
wheninrome75 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 We broke up in the heat of things about 4 weeks ago. NC for last 2 weeks. I sent him an email that if he does not want to work on the relationship, then we should work on the break-up, and that I thought NC would be best for both us us.
punished Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 because you can't just fall out of love with somebody. You are allowing him to hurt you because you are still vulnerable with him. You should be vulnerable while in a healthy relationship. You just haven't been able to turn that part off.
wheninrome75 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 It used to be a healthy relationship. I need to turn off my heart and only rely on the brain. That is what I am trying to focus on doing.
mg22 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 its way to early on this break-up, go NC maybe let things cool down ! 11 yrs is a long time people dont just walk away unless there is some other problem! but honey you dont and should not let anyone abuse you !
Clueless90 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sometimes our hearts aren't as clever as our brain. The heart doesn't think, it does. That is why I like the saying, ''follow your heart but take your brain with you''. I think it is important to not let our emotions and heart cloud our better judgment and a lot of the times though we know what is the right thing to do we decide not to listen and follow our heart. Not always very clever. Example: a woman getting beat up all the time by bf but loves him too much to leave him or a girl who is with a guy who lies to her about things even the small things you don't need to lie about. I think in both situations people should listen to their head rather than heart. You even said so yourself why do you want someone who treats you like trash etc. Why do you want him? Love yourself and leave him alone, its like the saying, ''taking your ex back is like buying back all your crap at a boot sale''. Your head already knows what you should do. Question is are you going to ignore it and continue to potentially keep getting treated like s**t??
In the Dark Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Nothing new and nothing to be ashamed of. When we really love/want someone as a life partner, we can be complete doormats to their unacceptable behavior. In situations where you are on the losing end but the partner is not wanting out, rationalization has to come into play and walk.
FreeFallFeelin Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sorry you're experiencing this WIR. It sounds like you both know deep down that the breakup was inevitable ("...when you heart wants him back but your mind knows it is a losing battle?"). Try to keep that in mind, though I know it's almost impossible too at this point. Your bf treating you poorly at the end of your relationship is pretty typical. Basically once somebody starts to seriously consider breaking up, they're just waiting for "signs", and if they don't have the guts to drop the hammer, they'll start acting out, trying test things and to create reasons to drop the hammer. Because of this, I think you're right to take time apart and go NC. Let things cool off and maybe you can touch base later when emotions aren't so intense.
wheninrome75 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Sorry you're experiencing this WIR. It sounds like you both know deep down that the breakup was inevitable ("...when you heart wants him back but your mind knows it is a losing battle?"). Try to keep that in mind, though I know it's almost impossible too at this point. Your bf treating you poorly at the end of your relationship is pretty typical. Basically once somebody starts to seriously consider breaking up, they're just waiting for "signs", and if they don't have the guts to drop the hammer, they'll start acting out, trying test things and to create reasons to drop the hammer. Because of this, I think you're right to take time apart and go NC. Let things cool off and maybe you can touch base later when emotions aren't so intense. It's not like an abusive relationship, but an emotional roller coaster. He had some hard financial problems, although I helped him through, in the end, being the man he is, he must of resented that he was even in a place where he needed help. I never rubbed it in is face. I think that is one of the big reasons why being around me made him so touchy. Also, he never wanted to talk. Only worked on problems by allowing time to go by- if you can even call it "working on problems." Felt like I was a big disappointment to him at times.
wheninrome75 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 When did you break up?? and why is he still hurting you? no one can hurt you if you allow them too. He was not abusive. He was not very good at communicating. Like sometimes he would literally get up and leave at the idea of talking about an issue. I am not trying to talk with him right now. I figure there is nothing really to say. If it's over than what else can we say about it?
mg22 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 He was not abusive. He was not very good at communicating. Like sometimes he would literally get up and leave at the idea of talking about an issue. I am not trying to talk with him right now. I figure there is nothing really to say. If it's over than what else can we say about it? Emotional abuse also leaves scares.. actually i think it hurts just as well , they hurt our soul. Someone who loves and values us would talk to us and try to mend any problems, not walk away and leave us confused .. i call people like this emotional abusers !
secondchance67 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Let logic rule the day. Separate out the "emotion" from the "rational thought"..............time to break down the barriers and clear the "gray area" between the two. Make 2 lists: List#1: What the heart wants...all the lovey-dovey stuff.....all the promises of a future....all the "pillow talk" and romance that you hoped would last forever. List#2: What you rationally, logically know is best for you, for your life, for your future....good points and bad points...step back and look at your R/S from a fresh perspective, as if it was a friend's situation and she was asking for advice. Compare them............which one gives you the best chance at a healthy relationship and a fulfilled life? Living in "dream land" with hearts and rainbows covering up the stark reality of how he is treating you and how empty it has made you feel inside?? or Living in the real world, where heartache is inevitable, and the quality of your life, the way you feel about yourself and the person you are involved with, is priority #1??
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