Questioning the relationship while living apart

[HubertT]

Firstly a brief background: (feel free to not read it)

When I finished school I was happy and single and flirting a bit with a girl, although never really had intentions of a serious relationship. I found out she actually liked me (I thought we were just having friendly conversation!) and for more of a “why not” than a “why” we started to see each other. There were warning signs early on, to be honest she was never the person for me, but I was young, she was attractive, and I think I was a bit too weak to end it myself so we stayed together more for convenience than anything else. We had a pretty serious relationship for about 2 years, and we lived together for the last half of it. Now of course I loved her and we grew incredibly close but I think on some level there were always doubts in my mind and this was reflected in my rather carefree attitude to the relationship. I didn’t naturally do those things that made her feel wanted, because I think subconsciously at least, I didn’t really want her. In the end it was her that left after the relationship sort of fell apart but, as is always the case, wanting what you can’t have made me want her and in the end I was pretty devastated.

 

About a year later I am happy and single again, and find myself flirting casually with an attractive co-worker. Again, I was not looking for a relationship and assumed we were just being friendly with our flirting (really need to get my radar checked) but found out she was interested in me. We saw each other for a few weeks and I was feeling pressure to make it official. To go on any longer seemed unfair so it was one of those all or nothing spots. I was weary of my previous relationship but again I sort of shrugged my shoulders and said OK, not really wanting to lose her although at the same time not wanting a serious relationship. 6 months later and I was as happy as I had ever been, this girl was amazing and I loved our relationship. She felt the same and all was great. I learnt from the previous relationship to not take things for granted and I made her feel like she was wanted because this time, she really was. So now to my dilemma

 

I am currently 27 and my girlfriend and I had been happily dating for 3 years when I got an amazing work opportunity: a year working abroad in Germany, expenses more or less paid. I had been learning German at the time and it has always been a life dream to master another language. My company would be sorting me out with visas and what not, all I really had to do was buy a plane ticket. My girlfriend wasn’t in love with the idea and it caused a few fights because I wanted to take the chance, she didn’t want to be apart. We talked about it a little more and decided that she could take time off from her job and come with me for the first 5 months. This sounded like a great idea, we started planning holidays, what we wanted to see, what we wanted to do, etc.

 

We arrived in Germany at the start of this year and found a place to live. We hadn’t actually lived together before so this was going to be a real test for the relationship. It was amazing. We loved it, we saw so much of Europe, and we just got on so well that I figured we passed the hardest test we will face and were pretty much going to stay together forever. Then it came time for her to return home. This was really sad but I told her if it was too tough I would come home early and we kept telling ourselves we would get through it, email everyday, etc.

 

About a month before she left is when problems started to appear. The first, and probably biggest, has been her attitude to me taking the Germany position. Rather than being supportive, she has been quite resentful. I tell her if I was in her shoes I would be supportive but she tells me if she was in my shoes she would “never” do something that would leave us apart for 6+ months. I don’t think 6 months is long, and I don’t think what I’m doing is wrong, but she sees it as an incredibly long time and she says she feels let down and in her eyes it’s as if I don’t love her as much because I can cope with being apart.

 

The second problem is the company contact I have at work. She is a German local that has been assigned to help me here in Germany. That includes showing me around, helping me with the language, more or less a forced friendship to help me settle down. I quite like this girl, as a friend, but obviously my girlfriend hates this and hates the thought of us having a good time together. It’s caused a lot of fights because I see the German as my best shot at learning the language, she is more or less my only friend over here, and I have NEVER done anything to betray my girlfriend’s trust. I assure her she is my life, my future, the one I think of and this German girl is just a friend I have for the next few months. She can’t deal with it and has recently asked me to break all contact with the German. This is a little hard though as it was an organised “partnership” and I’m actually supposed to be helping her learn English too. It’s not just some random friend I can not talk to anymore. And even if it was, I don’t want to. Perhaps I should want to, to make my girlfriend happy? I don’t know, some part of me doesn’t like the idea of being told who I can and can’t talk to.

 

The last week we’ve been fighting a little via emails and what not but still say we just want to be with each other etc. It’s still a little bit of a standoff with this German girl and I think I want to tell my girlfriend that I’m going to keep being friends with the German. Is this a bit of a ***** move? My girlfriend gave up a lot to come over here with me, and she says this is the one little thing she is asking, yet for some reason I don’t want to do it. I just see it as ruining my time over here, losing the friend that I have and losing the chance to keep learning German. And not just formal German, but the real, friendly, “talk like a local” German, that is what I want. This local is an opportunity to integrate, to make new friends, be invited to parties, etc.

 

However now my biggest problem is I am freaking out about the whole relationship. We have been apart for 2 months now and I am coping fine. I’m quite independent and I have no problems enjoying my life alone. My girlfriend is less happy, and sees my doing well as a sign of not needing her, and this further makes her upset. This is understandable but from my point of view I don’t know what to do. I can’t help that I am fine being alone. I tell her every day I love her but she doesn’t listen, because she’s convinced herself that my actions show I don’t love her or need her.

 

Now it’s rubbing off on me, and for the first time I am doubting my feelings. I think there has always been 0.1% of my brain that doesn’t like how the relationship started. She liked me. I didn’t pursue her, she just landed in front of me. It was the same with my other relationship. I’ve never had the “thrill of the chase” as they say. I know it sounds immature but part of me thinks maybe I would be more in love with her if I had liked her from the beginning. I’ve never actually liked a girl, and gone after her, and had it work out. I haven’t so much as touched hands with this German girl, but my girlfriend is worried she will like me. Now I’m wondering if she would? Of course I don’t want to cheat on my girlfriend but it’s like, there’s this part of me that just wants to flirt with her, not to pursue a relationship, but just to know if I could sort of thing.

 

Again, I know that’s really immature but I’m starting to wonder now if maybe I want to be single? There’s no way anything serious would happen with this German girl, even logistically it’s not possible. But being over here, knowing I’m happy by myself, seeing my girlfriend in this “clingy” light, I dunno… I’m not sure if this is just a natural reaction to being apart or if it’s a true reflection that deep down I don’t want a relationship. I love our relationship, I love her, I want to spend my life with her. But I didn’t want the relationship to start with, I was happy being single. I feel like I just went with it and now part of me wants to know how life would be if I was single. Could I flirt with this German and get her interested, could I go out and meet other girls and flirt with them too. I think I would be really happy being single, but maybe it’s just living this life over here by myself that is making me think that and when I return home I’ll want nothing more than life with my girlfriend.

 

I feel so bad writing this, I just don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is so perfect and hasn’t done anything to deserve this. It doesn’t feel right that I could just start pondering life as a single, and I feel like in my mind I’ve already cheated on her because I’m imagining myself living a single life over here. Furthermore, after 4 years of being together I think there ought to be a better reason to end the relationship than “sorry, I want to live the single life for a few years”. On the flip side I don’t want to remain together just because it’s too hard to break it off. A month or two ago I was certain we would be together forever, now I’m freaking out. I don’t know if it’s a temporary thing because I’m tasting life by myself or if it’s a sign of how I’ve really felt all along… Should I break it off and live freely over here or just stick with it and hope when we’re back together all these doubts in my mind leave? And if she tells me I have to choose between her and my German friend?

 

Thanks, and sorry for waffling on.

[DN]

I agree with your girlfriend. I think taking six months out of a relationship to have a good time while she remains at home not having a good time isn't something people in a loving relationship do. Expecting her to put up with you having a friend of the opposite sex while separated is highly unfair and unrealistic.

[HubertT]

Thanks for the reply DN. I do agree that this is a selfish decision on my behalf, although in my defence I don't think it's totally unreasonable. It isn't "six months out of a relationship to have a good time". We still talk every day and I very much consider us still in the relationship. Obviously it's not the same, and it's obviously harder for her, but I still try to speak with her every day and remind her that she is missed. The other thing is that this was a decision that will look very good on my resume and potentially open up new career opportunities when I return, it's fulfilling a personal dream of mine to learn another language, and it's not an indefinite thing. I fully acknowledge that it is a big ask but am I supposed to knock back an amazing life experience purely to avoid a few months of a distance relationship? Can I not be a loving partner whilst also keeping my independence and wanting to pursue my dreams? Maybe it's not so simple. I tried to incorporate her as much as I could.

 

If the roles were reversed I would certainly be a little upset but at the same time I would tell her to grab the opportunity with both hands and that I'll be waiting for her when she gets back, excited to hear her stories and have a potentially better relationship, distance making the heart grow fonder and all.

 

But as you say, perhaps this isn't how it should be and I am being unrealistic.

[annie24]

I know several couples who are in long distance relationships for similar reasons, for a few months or years. I think it's hard but can work if both people are dedicated. If I had the opportunity to work abroad for a year, I would jump at that chance, and I did apply to such programs but they didn't pan out for whatever reason.

 

About the German girl, you have to remember she is not your only resource so you should try to branch out and expand your language skills by meeting more people, etc. things will almost certainly turn out a certain way if you have her as your only friend, I think one thing will eventually lead to another. I understand why your gf is upset.

 

But the bottom line, and the one that upsets me the most, is because the relationship happened easily, and you didn't chase her, you don't value her as much. That's really sad. You say she's great but because you didn't pine after her, chase her, etc..... It really seems like she is right, she cares more than you care.

[DN]

Can I not be a loving partner whilst also keeping my independence and wanting to pursue my dreams? Maybe it's not so simple. I tried to incorporate her as much as I could.

What about her dreams? Partners make decisions together not arbitrarily.

[Ms Darcy]

Two things would worry me if I were your girlfriend.

 

First, you talk about yourself a lot. This is good for MY future etc etc. After so long with her, what about the two of you? Are you planning to commit to her? Obviously not because that isn't the way you are thinking. And THAT is causing very understandable stress for her.

 

I do think it was great for her to be there with you for the first few months. But she was the one making the bigger sacrifice on that ... accommodating your dream. So, again, she was bending in the context of your life and not your life together.

 

Second, you are thinking the grass is greener. I think this is the root of the problem. If you were 100 percent committed to her then most of this stuff wouldn't be an issue. You would look for other friends outside of the german girl. You would be planning your life with her. You would be excited to be with her again. Instead you are thinking about dating other chicks.

 

I agree with annie that you never really had to work for her. That's the message you relay here and the truth of the matter. The fact that you didn't work for it is something you cannot forget and it is an obstacle for your mind.

 

Yes, staying friends with the german girl is petty, but it's indicative of a larger problem.

[anna0511]

My boyfriend and I have gone through very long bouts of being in long-distance relationship because of work and study opportunities. I can see how other people might see our decisions as somewhat selfish, but we've decided early on that we are too young to give up incredible opportunities and our own futures do matter. In fact, I'm at the airport now, after saying a teary goodbye to my boyfriend this morning to do an internship on another continent, after which I will be accepting a scholarship to study in yet another country. We will be apart for 11 months, and my boyfriend is 100% supportive and we are super dedicated to each other. The fact that she isn't so suggests that the two of you may not have compatible values.

 

That said, I think she has the right to be upset about some things. For one, being away 6 months without seeing each other once is a long time. If I were you, I would be planning a visit home at the 3 months mark, max, even it's it for a few days. You should miss her enough to want to do that, and you owe it to the relationship after making things difficult for her. Yes, it's expensive/inconvenient, but it's the least you can do when you make the decision to go long-distance. My boyfriend and I never went more than 3 months without seeing each other. It was our promise and we did absolutely crazy things to keep it.

 

And you can definitely be more accommodating about the other girl. The fact that's she's your only friend as a poor excuse to spend so much time together. That you're even entertaining the idea of flirting with her means you're attracted to her, and your girlfriend can probably sense that. It's jealousy within reason and your girlfriend should not have to make you choose, you should know what to do. Just reverse the roles here, and think about how you would feel if she was abroad in a foreign country having a dandy time with a guy that she gets along with, wants to see regularly and consistently defends. I think it would be feel pretty sucky.

 

Think long and hard. It's normal to enjoy a bit of freedom while you're away, but don't confuse that with wanting to lose something permanently and being single.

 

Oh and I get the thing about not being part of a chase and being single happy. All my boyfriends chased me when I wanted to be alone, but that doesn't change the way I feel about them after the fact.

[HubertT]

Thanks for all the replies guys/girls, really helps to get other opinions and sometimes it's quite difficult to see things objectively from within. With regards to the being selfish thing I do have to agree, and I acknowledge I'm placing a huge burden on the relationship. She definitely made the bigger sacrifice and has it harder than I do. I have told her I would do the same for her, but that ultimately it's not like I can really change how she sees things at the moment. I do appreciate the enormous effort she has made but as long as I am Germany it feels to her like I don't need her, which is understandable I guess. But we have also definitely discussed our future and living together when I return. We already send each other potential places we could live and are getting excited over which neighborhood we should choose etc. I'm definitely committed to her and to us, I think I just want to have my cake and eat it too. I want her to be so into us but at the same time happy for us to be apart for 6 months. The problem is that it isn't working out and instead of rushing home to fix it I stay here and hope she can just deal with it.

 

It feels a little clearer now, and the fact is she sees me over here and she thinks I don't need her, that the relationship doesn't mean as much to me as it does to her, and that every day I'm choose to inflict pain on our relationship. Obviously that's tough for anyone to handle and even worse I really, really suck at making it any better. In her eyes I should come home. And I'm all over the place because I don't really want to, and maybe I should.

 

Another part of me thinks/hopes this is just a temporary thing, similar to nervousness before getting married or something. It's like I realise that when I go home I will be spending my life with her, and this is fine, but now I'm having a taste of living by myself and being single and the relationship is so hard at the moment that maybe my mind is just telling me this is my last chance to get out. I really don't know, I honestly feel terrible saying these things because she is simply amazing and I can see us together forever. But being over here really does show that I don't need her as much as she needs me. And what am I supposed to do with that info? I don't think it's healthy to be so dependent on the relationship that you can't cope or be happy without it. She thinks differently. I mean if love is being into someone so much that you can't cope without them around then maybe I'll never find love

 

With regards to the German girl, I am always trying to make it easier. I only see her perhaps once a week but unfortunately due to the nature of my work I am currently working alone. This will change in a few weeks when we all come together to compile our work and at this point I 100% will try to branch out and make new friends and reduce my contact with this other person. In the mean time I don't feel like it will look so good if I terminate the organised partnership although perhaps I'm just making up excuses because I enjoy spending time with her. Either way, I feel like my girlfriend should know I would never cheat on her!

 

I really don't mean to sound like a *******, but at the end of the day, let's say her fears are true and that this shows I care about the relationship less. Maybe the way the relationship started and the fact that I have slight reservations about never seeking her out or wating the serious relationship to begin with makes this true. Does this have to be an automatic deal-breaker? Is it too unfair of me to want to continue the relationship, even if we both know that I would be OK without it? All I want is my girlfriend (although apparently not enough to return home just because she is upset) but if she's reached some level of love that I am uncapable of feeling, does that signal the end?

 

And in some ways how unbelievably harsh, rude and hurtful would it be to end it all!? "I really appreciate you making the big sacrifice and trying to accommodate me, but now I can see that we don't have an equal need for the relationship and it's putting too much of a strain on us, so maybe we should leave it there" ...like wow, I can't even imagine how bad that would look and feel. If the relationship isn't working it's my fault, she should be the one to break up with me, I'd feel terrible doing it. Not that it is at all what I want. I want her and to be together when I get back. She wants me and to be together right now. In the mean time we're just fighting and yuck.

[DN]

A relationship doesn't work in isolation. It doesn't work for either one or both of the individuals involved, sometimes for the same reasons, sometimes for different reasons. But if it isn't working for you, you don't owe her the decision to break up. That makes no sense because if she doesn't want to break up you could be stuck in an unhappy relationship. It would be a great shame for her having done all she can to keep things going and I would feel very sorry for her but that doesn't mean you owe her the rest of your life.

[annie24]

I'll comment more later but the immediate thought regarding the German girl is that she was assigned to you by the company to ease your transition into German life. Ie, helping you find an apartment, showing you where the grocery store and dry cleaners are, maybe some language/cultural questions.... But she isn't your corporate assigned BFF nor your pseudo girlfriend for 6 months, which it kind of sounds like you might be considering her as.

[annie24]

I applied for some european fellowships last year as well, but unfortunately, i didn't get them. I was really disappointed, but that's life. i would have loved to have gotten it, but don't know what i would have done had a had a bf at the time who did not want me to go. however, i didn't get the fellowship, and i didn't have a bf, so I didn't have to make that decision. in your gf's case, she didn't have much of a decision to make with regards to your job apart from "deal with it" or "break up." those were her options. she clearly loves you, and it sounds like has done the best she can to keep things together. I think that 6 months apart at this point is not all that long, but like the previous poster said, a bit curious that you're not making plans to see each other at the 3 month mark somehow, you seem to be quite happy living the single life in germany (and are probably spending too much time with this german girl). it just seems like (to me anyway) you're not all that into your gf, despite saying that you want to spend the rest of your life with her.

 

so, i dunno. maybe history will repeat itself and this girl will become exasperated, dump you, and move on? it doesn't sound like your gf ever threw herself at you - it sounds like it was a normal, healthy attraction and flirtation that progressed to more, without a bunch of games or chasing. which to me sounds really nice, but you don't seem content with that. i dated one guy (who later broke up with me) who said he didn't feel comfortable with me fully because we met online and he didn't have a "context" for me like if we had met at work or through friends. Well, we met on the same dating site, that's why people go on dating sites, right? to meet people they would not normally meet. oh well. it's kind of frustrating when someone expresses a dislike of how the relationship started when that's not something that can be changed, nor was it something that was outlandish. i mean, ok, you didn't chase her for months while she paid no attention to you. would that have been a better start to the relationship? or a girl who met you and just liked you? oh well.....

[HubertT]

So it's been a testing few days and sad to say things have not really improved at all. At times we seemed like we'd reached some common ground but I guess that was a temporary fix and the underlying issues just continue to come up.

 

I feel a lot clearer in my perspective of things now I think. I took some time and I thought about it and I realised it actually doesn't bother me at all how the relationship started. I think I'm just a normal guy and there's an instinctive part of me that wants to chase potential mates but deep down that's not at all what I want. What I want is my relationship with my gf and I have made the commitment to her that I will never see another girl in the way I see her and I'm more than happy to keep that commitment. What we have is amazing and I think about our future and it genuinely makes me happy. I'm not just saying I "could" see myself with her, I'm saying that the future I imagine with her is the one that I want. I'm so into her and anything but not being with her in the long term seems so illogical.

 

HOWEVER, unfortunately it's also pretty clear to me that I really want to stay here and finish out the year. That's not to say that my gf still isn't the number one thing on my mind, or that I value our relationship less, or anything like that at all. It's just that this is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity for me. I had hoped she would be supportive and understanding but perhaps that is asking too much. Either way, I do feel as if I'm justified to want to be here and I can't help the fact that I'm trying to make the most of it and enjoy myself. Most people I have talked to seem to feel the same way, and that I'm not a terrible boyfriend for wanting to do this.

 

At the end of the day if it were a legitimate choice between my gf and something else, I would choose her. If someone called up and said "congrats, you've won 6 months in Germany or you've won living with your gf in 6 months time" I would pick her every day, if it could only be one or the other. At the moment it seems as if me being here will potentially kill the relationship but I think there's something inherently different about the scenarios. The fact that I have to make a choice makes me feel like the relationship isn't as strong as I thought. I shouldn't have to make a choice is what I think I'm trying to say. We should be able to get through this. And I think that if I did "choose" her and end my time in Germany that it would actually result in more issues. What does it say about the relationship that after 1 month apart it's already falling apart? What does it say about how healthy our relationship is if I have to restrict who I can and can't be friends with because of her jealousy? What if I return home and everything is back to normal and we realise that it wasn't so bad, and I always regret or resent the fact that I feel like I was "forced" into throwing away Germany?

 

Eck I don't know. In some ways it's worse now because I really am certain I want to be with her when I get back but at the same time I'm certain I want to stay here and finish out my position and enjoy this opportunity that life has thrown my way. If it came to a choice between the relationship and staying here I would choose staying here but that's NOT because I value this more than her. It's because I think if it gets to a point where I have to choose, or where she asks me to choose, then the relationship has entered a really bad zone, does that make sense? It sounds kind of paradoxical but to me it's like a relationship that needs "saving" probably isn't one that's worth saving... Which kills me, it honestly does. All I want is to be happy over here and come back home to her and have our life together but it's just doesn't look like a likely scenario *sobs*

 

I think she senses that if things are getting tough I would still stay over here and she interprets it as me admitting she doesn't mean much to me and that I would be happy to give up on the relationship. That makes her more insecure and causes more fighting, that makes me think that it shouldn't be so hard and that it's getting to the ultimatum stage, which pushes me into the zone where I feel like I shouldn't have to make a choice, which makes it seem like I'm choosing to be here over the relationship, which makes her more insecure and causes more fighting, and round and round in circles we go.

 

I'm absolutely willing to work for the relationship, I'm willing to dedicate time to catching up with her, I'm willing to fly her out here at the 3 month mark, I'm always trying to remind her of our future and that I'm excited for it and that I'm still in love with her and think of her every day, etc etc. But it all seems futile unless I either go home, or cut off contact with this German girl, and they're the two things that I don't think should have to occur in a healthy relationship. In my ideal relationship I wouldn't have to make those sacrifices.

 

Am I being unreasonable? The more I think about it the more I hate, hate, hate the idea of breaking up. But part of me thinks we already might have...

[HubertT]

And I admit that yes I'm perfectly happy over here right now enjoying my life and enjoying this experience. But why does that have to be interpretted as bad reflection on the relationship? Or that I'm not into her? I wish she was happy! I wish she was loving her time to her self at home, catching up with friends, returning to work, thinking about the future, gaining more independence, etc. But the whole thing is just making her miserable. Mainly because she thinks I don't care anymore or love her as much or want the relationship and she's not going to change her view no matter how much I tell her the opposite.

 

I feel helpless, and I feel selfish, and I feel sick that I really don't know what choice I have other than to watch as the best part of my life erodes right in front of me.

[PetiteGirl]

Well as a female, I could understand why your girlfriend feels that way. Your posts give me the impression that there's a lot of "I", not a lot of "we" or "us." I see that you've done a lot of reflections and evaluations of what you want, what you want to do, and how you want to do it. I don't see where your girlfriend would fit into all this, except vaguely, some time in the future, but will she really be there when you have reached that future? Long distance is tricky. I assume a lot of times, your girlfriend is in the dark of what's going on in Germany. Being in that constant state of unknown and uncertainty is unnerving, and no doubt could bring some people to feel insecure. It may seems that you're taking her for granted. I think what she needs is not sweet words, but actions. Actions that say you want to be with her, that she is important to you, and it's not about "you" and "me." It's about "us"; working towards a future together. Do something such as finding a way to see each other in person, go visit her, spending time to talk to her, be consistent. When she sees that consistency, perhaps she will listen, but you need to really listen to her and with empathy. Put yourself in her shoes. Action speaks louder than words.

[Fudgie]

I think travel can be great, even if it means for some long-distance, in the right setting, with the right relationship. As long as communication is kept up, both parties are mature, no one is partying/neglecting, and everyone is okay with it, why not?

 

The issue here is not the distance so much as it is your attitude. Honestly, I think the whole set-up with her staying with you, you guys exploring Europe together, and you coming home afterward when you finished seemed like a cool idea and I would be psyched if I could do something like that. HOWEVER...

 

You say that you want to be with her forever but I'm not really feeling it in your words. It's all "me me me" and what YOUR needs are and what YOUR feelings are. What about hers? She is hurting here and instead of being worried and wanting to make her feel better, you're constantly validating your actions and explaining "why it's okay for you to do this and she shouldn't expect this blahblah". Look, that aside, she's HURTING. She's emotionally IN PAIN. And you don't seem to be concerned about that.

 

I think the whole thing with the German girl is BS. Yes, it's completely inappropriate. Yes, make a casual friend to learn where stuff is and settle in. She's not (nor should be) your ONLY friend and yes, if I were your gf, I would be worried. You're essentially in another country flitting around with only other girl "friend". You also are looking into parties, etc. Yes, I can see why she's worried.

 

The thing that really left me speechless was this:

 

But it all seems futile unless I either go home, or cut off contact with this German girl, and they're the two things that I don't think should have to occur in a healthy relationship. In my ideal relationship I wouldn't have to make those sacrifices.

 

 

Good grief, you can't even SEE why this would be thought of as inappropriate? You sound way more apt to break up with your gf (supposed love of your life) than to cut off this German girl.

 

I think you are lying to yourself when you say that you're not into the German at all. It's clear you have already thought about being with her (you said "it wouldn't work out logistically" heh). If you really cared about your gf, being in another country away for months, then being extra careful to preserve the LDR would be your priority and you would cease doing things that would make her upset. But you clearly don't care.

 

I feel bad for your gf, I really do. I wish she could see this thread, see your lack of caring, and break it off so she can find someone who cares and you could get what you want (German girl, parties, etc).

[PetiteGirl]

Yeah, your girlfriend deserves better than this. Everything seems to be all about you. You come off self-centered and lack the ability to empathize.