Confused on what to do... Help?

[burningitdown]

New here, Yahoo Answers led me to this site (Thank you, Yahoo)

 

So my ex and I were together for three years. Fantastic relationship, nothing went wrong until we hit some speed bumps in the last couple of months. We began to fight over every little thing and I knew I couldn't give her certain things she always wanted.. She wanted to talk to her more, to be open with my emotions and feelings, even though I was raised to NOT do all of that. My parents have been married for 25 years but hardly talk about how much they love each other or whatever and they never fight. In the end, I knew I could not give my ex what she wanted and deserved. We ended up fighting about it and I broke up with her, telling her I was done and couldn't do it anymore. I told her we would just not work out now, later, or whatever. I could tell it broke her heart into pieces. I cried while she told me to get the hell out of her car because I had never seen her so broken and I knew it was because I had just given up instead of trying to make it work.

 

Fast forward couple of days.. Doing my own thing, working on my car, hanging with friends, etc. Randomly, I get a call from her yesterday (only been a week & a half since the break up) and all she asks is if I have a minute to spare to chat about something. I was at the store so I told her I'd call her back, which I did. All she told me was she wanted to tell me sooner rather than later that she wanted to be friends. She promised she wasn't mad.. or holding any anger towards me for the split.. all she wanted was to keep our friendship intact. She's my best friend and like I mentioned earlier, our relationship was fantastic because we were such amazing friends. She even said it doesn't have to be a daily thing or that we have to talk all the time.

 

I ended up talking to her for a bit about what I was up to for the past week. Seemed like there was a lot going on even though it had only been about 11 days. But I guess even that can seem long when you go from talking to each other for hours a day for three years, and then NC whatsoever.

 

She let me know a few things too about what she had been doing. She's been going out, saw her dream car over the weekend, and is almost finished with a show I introduced to her months ago. I called her a slowpoke jokingly and congratulated her on seeing her dream car. It felt like such a nice conversation and I really wanted to continue it with her... but she cut it short. She told me she wished me the best of luck with fixing the alternator problem in my car and to let her know if I ever needed anything. I didn't contact her the rest of the day because I'm just confused.

 

She seems happy now.. does that mean she's getting over me? The day of the breakup, she cried and told me she would change and that she wanted another chance. But that's when I told her it was NOT going to work between us.. and that I didn't want to see her anymore. Think I made a huge mistake because hearing from her made me realize I still love her and that I'd try anything to make her happy. I want to bring up reconciliation with her, but I doubt she wants that for us anymore. She really seems to just want to be friends as she did not even mention hanging out sometime in the future or anything.

 

Help me out guys?

[camus154]

Leave her alone. You already broke up with her, you already said it would never work in the future, and now your emotions are making you second guess that.

[charity]

i imagine she is yours if you want her to be. BUT and this is a big but... all the issues that broke you guys up WILL (no doubt here) break you up again.

you have not resolved the issues and you haven't had the time (or inclination?) to change.

first thing you need to do is have a serious think about your incompatibility issues and ask yourself can you work on being the person she needs. do you want to be that person?

[Clueless90]

IMHO you should go for a while (longer than 11 days) without any contact with her and when you're thinking straight see if you still want to get back with her but I'll be honest my first serious relationship I had (it was a year and a half long) and my ex broke up with me and then would miss me and say he loved me etc and wanted to try again and show up at my house and I believed it and took him back (this happened like 5 times). Anyway each time I would be so devastated by the break up and when he showed up, we make up and break up some time later again it would hurt me more and I felt like he was torturing me by not leaving me in peace and to get on with my life when he hadn't changed but was being selfish and cruel by breaking up with me and begging me back. So please before you put this girl you love so much through emotional hell like that, be certain that it is not from selfish reasons, that previous problems have been worked on and resolved and make sure that you're not just gonna change your mind a while down the road when things get tough again. If that does happen i.e. u get her back and all the same problems are there and u get her back and break up with her later she will be soooo hurt and may even resent and hate you destroying your relationship and your friendship which will probably not exist at all ever again after that. I hope that helps.

 

I ended up hating, resenting and being angry at my ex and cut him out of my life for good. Lol though 2 years on I never think about him and I've had a serious 2 year relationship whereas poor guy has recently mentioned he still loves me etc and hasn't had a serious relationship since me