so upset..

[sweetlittleone]

I need help as this is breaking me. I have been seeing a guy for almost 5 months now, he is in process of divorcing and has two small children. Things progressed slow, nice and relaxed but then we kind of fell into the label of boyfriend an girlfriend which was nice.

 

I think there is till ongoing issues with the ex, she is still deeply hurt as he had an affair which shell shocked me and I am still trying to deal with this. (not with me – this was years ago)

 

Anyway – communication is slightly off at times, as in supposed to see one another after he has had kids all weekend but no contact to tell me, I fell like I cannot ask this as kids come first this I know so I just rely on him hopefully thinking about me and texting to say he still has them and so best not to meet. This happened yesterday, supposed to meet up but he was unsure when dropping kids off, so I decided to go about and do my own thing, still nothing until late last night he text to see if I was home as wanted to cal and catch up as not seen one another since last Thursday where I stayed over at his but we met pretty late in evening after I had a dinner date with girls.

 

Anyway – we had full weekend last weekend together – during week nothing, weekend nothing and then he calls last night to say this weekend coming he has his friends birthday but I said I have a wedding I am attending (which I had told him about)

 

I just feel that contact waning, no longer seeing as much and surely if someone wants to be with you they will see you – I also think too much drama with his ex just now going through divorce and thinking I deserve more but I have stupidly invested me emotionally and so I am a little scared to walk away

 

I told him how sometimes I feel like a sleazy secret as he says he cannot tell his ex he is seeing someone just now – his folks know and friends as met his friends

 

I am so better than that – good family – great job – own apartment and good social circle so why am I putting up with this – scraps

 

When we together its lovely – nice but he never ever just says c’mon lets get away for the weekend I feel I am always asking and all I get is – yeah sounds great but I feel why should i purchase something so expensive when he never really seems that fussed – I explained last night how I felt and said that feel as if he is maybe embarrassed by me or perhaps not that fussed about me and he says he hates making me feel like that but understands where I am coming from but with no clear way to move forward – he made a joke

 

I just feel so low – just feel I am always thinking about him and what we can do but he not really fussed whether he sees me from one week to next – to be fair after last night I think it’s over but I am scared I pushed too far but surely if someone truly wants to see you they will – I just feel I am always on sidelines and he will see me, enjoy my company and have nice time but will make major effort in my name. He is always late, ½ hour, 1 hour or even 1.5 hours at times. Just no contact until I contact him and he is like oh sorry caught up on way now

 

I just feel worthless

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think it is time to ditch the guy...there will always be an excuse for why you are on the backburner...sounds to me like this guy has a habit of putting his partners on the back burner...his soon to be ex paid a heavy price by being on the back burner. At 5 months in you now see a glimpse of his character...get out while you can before you suffer the same fate as his soon to be ex-wife.

[sweetlittleone]

I think you are so right

Everything dropped this weekend - spent a lot of time with my best friends and a lot of sense spoken xx I am waiting in the wings, all about him and nothing about me, never anything about me. When I think about it if someone wants you they will totally make an effort xx We have done some lovely things but all just when can be bothered and if he is hanging out at mine. Guess it hurts to admit it x Wasted 5 months of this sh**

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you are so right

Everything dropped this weekend - spent a lot of time with my best friends and a lot of sense spoken xx I am waiting in the wings, all about him and nothing about me, never anything about me. When I think about it if someone wants you they will totally make an effort xx We have done some lovely things but all just when can be bothered and if he is hanging out at mine. Guess it hurts to admit it x Wasted 5 months of this sh**

 

At least it was only 5 months and not 5 years. Imagine what his ex-wife must feel like.

[sweetlittleone]

At least it was only 5 months and not 5 years. Imagine what his ex-wife must feel like.

 

I have thought about that every day to be fair and not taking that light heartedly - course I feel bad for that but I am living my life not hers and tried to give him benefit of doubt. I have not skeltons in closet and no connection to his ex wife this was not my doing to her so I think your comment a little bit hurtful to be fair

[punished]

someone in the process of a divorce is still married. It isn't a good idea to date a married person regardless of the state of the marriage. My advice would be to put things on hold until the divorce is complete. It will give you some reflection time as well. Tell him you want to stay in a relationship but you would like to wait until everything with his ex is complete. Have him cross the t's and dot the i's before continuing with him.

[sweetlittleone]

.............already done - he asked me to stick with him but I cannot

[MikNomis]

Bravo, I applaud your courage. You will not regret this.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have thought about that every day to be fair and not taking that light heartedly - course I feel bad for that but I am living my life not hers and tried to give him benefit of doubt. I have not skeltons in closet and no connection to his ex wife this was not my doing to her so I think your comment a little bit hurtful to be fair

 

Sorry. I think my comment did not come out as intended. I didn't mean to imply that you were responsible for what happened in his marriage. What I meant was that 5 months in the grand scheme of life is not so long. His ex probably wasted years and now has the whopping pain and the legal hassles. So don't think of it in terms of 5 months wasted. See it as a learning experience as to red flags and a zero tolerance level you will adopt if you come accross someone else who starts behaving like him.

[sweetlittleone]

Sorry. I think my comment did not come out as intended. I didn't mean to imply that you were responsible for what happened in his marriage. What I meant was that 5 months in the grand scheme of life is not so long. His ex probably wasted years and now has the whopping pain and the legal hassles. So don't think of it in terms of 5 months wasted. See it as a learning experience as to red flags and a zero tolerance level you will adopt if you come accross someone else who starts behaving like him.

 

 

 

 

Thank you. I am sorry for being snippy. I think yesterday I was extra sensetive, I understand what you are saying and you are so right as my friends are saying exact same thing. I would never come between anyone, if I thought (and I did say this) there was a chance for them then I would walk as there are two children involved in his and so I was always maintaining we should end it if there is a chance as I would never wish to be caught up in something like that. Anyway - onwards and upwards and lessons learned!

 

My cheer up gift is a new outfit and shows for a party this weekend I will bounce back. I always do xx Thank you guys xx