I think my crush might be gay?

[twelvefairies]

There's this guy that I've been crushing on for about 6 months now, we'll call him "J". I've known him for 3 years, but we've been only been friends for about a year.

 

That reason that I'm asking about this, is because I feel like I'm starting to fall for him, and I don't to get hurt if he really isn't interested in women. I'd of course still be his friend no matter what his preference is.

 

I never gave it much thought at all at first, but since time has gone on, some things stick out to me. He's always been a big flirt with the ladies, checking them out, commenting on female celebrities being hot. The strange part is that he never really seems truly interested in dating any of the women that make it known they like him. He's a very very attractive guy, so he gets a lot of attention from girls. We flirt a little, but I'm really shy so I don't think he knows I like him that way.

 

Anyway I've thought about it, and decided that maybe it's because he just isn't interested in dating right now or he's seeing someone he hasn't told anyone about.

 

A few weeks ago, one of my other guys friends said that he thinks "J" is gay because most of his friends are either girls or gay guys. My friend might just be close minded.

 

A couple days ago "J" made a post on Facebook saying he wished he was in another city, and when one of his other friends commented he said "i bet you know who that's about". He posted that about a few days after one of his gay friends posted about being in that city. I know they've been best friends for like 5 years, but... it just confused me.

 

I've also noticed how much he's changed. Before we became friends, he almost had this "bad boy" attitude, wore baggy clothes, rode 4-wheelers. Over the past year though, he's become obsessed with fashion and wears tighter clothes and capris. He's also more feminine and maybe a little bit campy at times. The way he talks is a little different, his voice is softer and he uses words he'd never use before like "oh my god".

 

Sometimes he "jokingly" flirts with other guys who are straight guys that play along with it. I don't take it that seriously because some guys just like to goof around.

 

Last weekend he, one of his friends(who is a girl), and a couple of mutual girl friends were hanging out and just talking. One of my girl friends asked if he had a girlfriend and he said "no", and his friend made this suggestive face at us from behind his back. Then my friend said "what about a boyfriend?" and his friend laughed a little, and he chuckled and said "no". We started talking about what our 'types' are. "J" said he was into exotic girls. I asked my same guy friend later that night what he meant by exotic, and he said that liking exotic girls is a cover for being gay.

 

I'm more confused than ever.

 

Do you think he's gay and just doesn't want/isn't ready to come out?

 

It also confuses me because he's such a huge supporter of The Trevor Project and It Gets Better, and he's also made it publicly known that he supports equal marriage rights. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be afraid of coming out. His family is really open, all of his friends would support him no matter what..etc.

 

If he is gay, do you have any advice for me to get over my crush on him?

[Angel Irulan]

As far as getting over a crush on any guy, remember that love is a two way street and you can't really be *in love with* someone who does not love you back! That's more pain, than pleasure. Desire and love are two different things. What I find interesting is that this guy is still your friend and really, if he's gay, you can't expect him to change who he is just to be with you, do you know what I mean? So, I think you are getting the best of him that you can.

 

Can I give you a suggestion? Go out and on a dating spree! Meet guys and go out. There is no cure for one guy, one who you didn't have a relationship with but only a crush on, like going out with someone else. Trust me on this, I've used it a few times to get over a crush. Always the charm! It always tickles the romance vibe.

 

Angel

[twelvefairies]

Thank you Angel!

 

I would never dream of trying to change him or anything like that. His happiness means more than my crush. I just don't want to let myself get too into him if I really have no chance at all.

 

I'll try hanging out with some other guys. It's just so hard though because "J" is pretty much my dream guy.