nocontactqueen Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I dated this guy about a year ago steadily for a few months. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, which I've now come to realize means (in his case) that he's scared. So we stopped talking for several months, were in contact again a few times, and then about a month ago we were talking fairly regularly. I was following his lead because if he still wasn't ready for a relationship I wasn't going to push it- but he called just to talk, he made plans to see me- when I read posts asking 'if he likes me' all the signs point to yes. He came over once, only a few weeks into this, and tried to sleep with me- I immediately thought it was a booty call and confronted him about it. We got into a fight right before I was to leave town for the next month and a half, and we haven't talked since. In the argument he said he wanted to talk again when I got back, but I don't plan on contacting him- but I still want to be with him. The argument involved him saying a lot of things, including that he wasn't ready for a relationship all over again and going back and forth from saying we were acting like we were exclusive to saying he thought I wanted it to be casual. What it comes down to is that the argument was a lot of angry words and made no sense, but I know deep down I can't be with someone that isn't ready to be in a relationship even if when he's not confronted about it, that's how he acts. This realization really hurts, and since he's been in my life for a little over a year (it started as a rebound from my last serious relationship) I don't feel myself making any progress in getting over him. But I don't know what to do- I've stopped contact (although him leaving the door open to talk again didn't help), I've gone on dates with other guys, but I don't feel like I'm making progress. It always comes back to wondering about this guy, and I feel stuck. Not necessarily in a heartbroken way, although it hurts, but it's something that feels permanent, or just stuck. Because of this guy and my last serious relationship, I feel like I don't even know how to be attracted to anyone else, I feel like there's something wrong with me-- can anybody help? Will I ever get over him? How? Am I doomed to never be attracted to anyone else?
dunfalma Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Your relationship sounds a lot like my last one - rebound/on and off for a year and a half wth him alternately going I like you and lets date to switching his mind three weeks later and going let us be friends. Throw in some period of no contact, a lot of highs and lows, and trying to forget him by dating others. DYSFUNCTION CITY. I felt I was addicted to him, even though I did not want to be with him because he was so indecisive, it was very hard to let go. But I did. Slowly, painfully, cried a lot. Vented a lot to friends. Realized he was emotionally unavailable and much as it pained me, I loved myself more and did not want to b e in a relationship where I was so unhappy. And now I am almost over it - dating again and actually interested in others. You are not doomed - keep doing what you are doing. No contact, find new friends, realize you are more valuable than lowering yourself to be with someone who is not sure about you.
ut804 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Time heals. And I find that I only forget about a guy when I find someone new I really like and obsess over. What's his reason for not being ready for a relationship though?
dasilver Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 When my ex ex started calling me 3 weeks after he unceremoniously dumped me due to the grass is greener syndrome. I wanted to run straight back to him…but I didn’t. Whenever he would call/text…I didn’t say much but listened to everything he was telling me… I refused to see him until I was very sure… After a couple of weeks of listening to him I realized that his intentions for calling/texting and wanting to get back with me were not genuine. I decided not to reconcile with him. Your man has told you straight up…unsure about a relationship with you....to….thinking you guys were causal… He has been straight up about what he wants from you. If you date him after what he has told you.....you'll only have yourself to blame when the relationships fails again.
markfromark Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Men can be very decisive if they feel they are with the right person. "scared" is just and excuse to string you along.
nocontactqueen Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Ok- I know all of the hurtful things you all are telling me. I KNOW he's stringing me along and isn't that into me- that hurts enough. I don't mean to be angry but I need help moving on, not constantly being told how NOT interested he is. And his reasons aren't clear- other than he was really really hurt in his last relationship (emotionally abused). He seems to think that his next serious relationship should end in marriage which is a lot of pressure on him, but I can't change his way of thinking, I guess.
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