A guy from work tried to kiss my girlfriend

[chrcar]

I am going out with this girl that is 17 and I'm 20 we have been dating for 8 months and i love her to bits we have just got engaged

 

My girlfriend works at a hotel and accross the road from the hotel wish were the staff live but last week when my girlfriend arrived at work she phoned me to say she was going into work but one off the guys that works there offered her to come accross the road to his room for a cuppa tea this made her 20 mins late for work and she promised me nothing happened but I asked her why would she put her job on the line to go for a cuppa tea with him and make herself late for work she didn't respond to that question but she promises nothing happened

 

Then a few days later I was standinf outside her work and she came out 15 mins late than normal and she said she had something important to tell me but she kept looking behind and I didn't think anything off it when we were at least 5 mins away from her work she told me that the same guy she went for a cuppa tea with had just tried to kiss her he's 29 and she's only 17 I asked her what happened what did she say to him and she said she moved out the way and ran out I said to her promise me nothing happened and she said yes and got in a mood with me and she said she souldnt off told me and she said if he tries it again she won't tell me I then asked her is that the reason she stormed out off work because he tried to kiss her and she just started smiling andvturned her head rhe other way what should I do

[Ms Darcy]

I think you need to end the engagement and continue dating. Not only do you two not know (and trust) each other well enough for marriage, you both are waay to young/inexperienced for it. I would not even think of marrying her until she is done with college.

[MikNomis]

Listen to Ms Darcy, forget the engagement and marriage. You got a girl on your hands, not a woman. She sounds immature, which isn't all that surprising for her age. Even if she might not have kissed with the guy, I bet she didn't exactly try hard to reject all his advances either.

 

There is no way marrying this little girl is a good idea. Try overcoming the task of dating her for a few years first.

[InvisibleWound]

There is way to many red flags, your dating a child for one. I don't care how mature people claim 17 and 18 year olds to be, in a sense shes still a bit of a kid.

 

Just take a look at some of this:

 

"I asked her why would she put her job on the line to go for a cuppa tea with him and make herself late for work she didn't respond to that question but she promises nothing happened"

 

The fact that she couldn't tell you why she did her actions is a bit scary to me. Maybe nothing happened but people can have tea/coffee almost anytime. She must not be to concerned about her job if she acted that way.

 

"I asked her what happened what did she say to him and she said she moved out the way and ran out I said to her promise me nothing happened and she said yes and got in a mood with me and she said she souldnt off told me and she said if he tries it again she won't tell me I then asked her is that the reason she stormed out off work because he tried to kiss her and she just started smiling andvturned her head rhe other way"

 

I am sorry but your dealing with a kid a immature one at that. Reading that last paragraph honestly looked like a big game to her. I hate when people say "Promise me nothing happened" it gives the other person opportunity to lie and avoid a heated argument.

 

The fact that she won't tell you if it happens again also is a bit of red flag to me because that is very immature. I don't think either of you are ready to be engaged to one an other and I question if she should even be in a relationship at all. Maybe you should slow down and get to know each other better and learn to trust each other. I am not trying to sound rude with anything I have put but her behavior bothers me, and you've only been together 8 months so engagement seems to fast.

[Snowy]

A 17 year old shouldn't be engaged, and only after 8 months.

 

You will learn how to deal with situations like these as you get older and more experienced.

[MasterPo]

I hope you are reading the advice, all of it very good. In the off chance that you aren't, well standby for some serious drama in a month or so. I don't know her side of things but you are a descriptive writer and it appears tha GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) is in play. I wish you luck and maybe this situation will be resolved. If you have good communication with each other time to put it to work like real fast and in a hurry.

[Thorshammer]

Shes young, many young people cant even be committed to school or work, let alone a relationship. Relationship takes maturity and sacrifice, for many- this takes many, many years to learn to accept. I am assuming she likes this dudes attention, she might be teasing him for all we know. Regardless, shes putting herself in the cross-fire willingly, and shes not handling your questions and concerns with maturity. How will that make a good wife?

 

You can either let her be and see what she does, because you cant change anyone nor lock them up in this modern country. She will be who she wants to be. You can cross your fingers that she gets it out of her system, or start to distance yourself and look for a way out. I personally would have confronted the dude, but i wont get into that.

[PaintWithLight]

Shes young, many young people cant even be committed to school or work, let alone a relationship. Relationship takes maturity and sacrifice, for many- this takes many, many years to learn to accept. I am assuming she likes this dudes attention, she might be teasing him for all we know. Regardless, shes putting herself in the cross-fire willingly, and shes not handling your questions and concerns with maturity. How will that make a good wife?

 

You can either let her be and see what she does, because you cant change anyone nor lock them up in this modern country. She will be who she wants to be. You can cross your fingers that she gets it out of her system, or start to distance yourself and look for a way out. I personally would have confronted the dude, but i wont get into that.

 

Wrong. I would take anything a 17 year old told me about this incident with a huge grain of salt. Nothing worse than going alpha male and finding out that you do not have all the facts.

 

I agree with all the other advice. Any woman in your life has to be able to handle her own stuff. And in the work place, this means spotting overtures for what they are and then shutting down the guys as efficiently as possible. She has shown that she can do neither. Let her learn with someone one else. Plenty of super attractive women who get hit on every day and no guy feels he has received the green light for a kiss. She is way young and probably sending out mixed signals. Her reaction to you after you discussed it with her was rather strange as well.

[Snny]

So let me get this straight... a 17 year old GIRL was invited into a 29 year old MAN'S hotel room for "tea?" Either she is lying to you or she seriously lacks common sense.

 

And what are you doing being engaged to a 17 year old girl, who is a minor?

 

Dump this girl and find someone your age before it gets ugly.

[Snny]

Also you cannot be legally engaged to a minor unless there is parental consent. Do her parents know about this?

[Thorshammer]

Wrong. I would take anything a 17 year old told me about this incident with a huge grain of salt. Nothing worse than going alpha male and finding out that you do not have all the facts.

 

I agree with all the other advice. Any woman in your life has to be able to handle her own stuff. And in the work place, this means spotting overtures for what they are and then shutting down the guys as efficiently as possible. She has shown that she can do neither. Let her learn with someone one else. Plenty of super attractive women who get hit on every day and no guy feels he has received the green light for a kiss. She is way young and probably sending out mixed signals. Her reaction to you after you discussed it with her was rather strange as well.

 

Uhmmmm... ok? Thats how i would handle it, i never said he should go this route.. but thanks for the advice, champ.

[chrcar]

Yeah apparently they went for a drink off tea!! her parents know im engaged to her and it did make things better,

 

anyway last night she told me that i was right that he wanted a piece off her she walked into the kitchen at work and he was chatting to the chef that he would bang her and loads off other stuff and she flipped at him but is this a sign off her having a guilty conceniounce or is she actually telling the truth just odd that he tried to kiss her and she went for tea with him before work and was 25 mins late

[Lansing]

I would break it off for now too as other posters have said. What concerns me is that she put herself in that position, why go into someone else's room for tea? Like, having tea in a public place is one thing but for her to go into a 29 year old guy's room is weird in my books, bad judgement but I guess since she is 17 maybe she doesn't know better.

[Thorshammer]

She likes the attention. She is inexperienced and his attention to her was addicting. I would still be cautious, the guy shot himself on the foot because of his comments, which could disqualify anyone really, bit she was still playing along before he turned his flirting into physical

[Snny]

I call the whole tea story a load of BS. What kind of teenager would be interested enough to go out with adult man for "tea?" I work with teenagers btw... they'd rather do other things than just play tea party with adults. I mean COME ON. Doesn't that seem weird to anyone at all? Who in their right mind would ever think it's appropriate for a 17 year old minor to be in a hotel room alone with a 29 year old adult?

 

And if he is saying stuff about wanting to have sexual intercourse with a minor, police need to be involved immediately. That is if she IS telling the truth because you have no real evidence if she was with him alone OR if he ever said anything about wanting to have sex with a minor. This is not a game if she is or isn't. There are some teenagers out there who elaborate stories like this for attention and in the end, someone can be wrongly evicted. Some kids will go to the extreme for attention these days. The people of legal adult status get screwed and that record stays with them for life.

 

She needs to take this seriously and stop messing around with adult men. That is why I am suggesting to you... with all dead seriousness... you get out of this relationship now. If I were you... since you are a legal adult and she is still a minor... I'd tread carefully with this one. If she is twisting this around with the other guy, she can easily twist things around on you; especially if she is needy for attention and feels you aren't giving her enough.

 

I honestly think she's playing a dangerous manipulative game here. And this is coming from someone who had two personal colleagues accused and arrested for having indecent relationships with high school students because they have been constantly alone with them or had "touch a kid indecently." Seriously... avoid dating minors because it puts you in a very bad spot and it can wreck your reputation. I'm very surprised her parents would be ok with you being engaged to her when none of you have solid careers and can support each other (and in this economy, it is a MUST have). I wouldn't be ok with it if I were a parent.