How do I let him down gently?

[A Confused Penny]

I met a guy on OkCupid 5 years ago who lives 3 hours away. We hung out once in 2008 before I moved to another state for a few years. I didn't feel attracted to him so I didn't give it another thought. I moved back to the area and he sent me a message at the beginning of this year asking to hang out again. I figured I might not have given him enough of a chance on the first date considering my mind was set on moving so I agreed to a second date in April. Afterwards, I realized that I am still not attracted to him at all. I figured that was the end of it and we just wouldn't hang out again.

 

Fast forward to July, he asked to hang out again. I tried to let him down gently and told him I was very busy with work and I don't have time to hang out. I've also tried not responding to his calls. However, he's been leaving me voicemails, emails, and texts about going away on vacation with him. He took an entire week off from work to spend with me after I told him MULTIPLE times that I would not be able to go away with him. I told him that I never agreed to any trip. So he quickly changed his mind and asked me to go on a day trip with him, spoke about renting a beach house, and hung up saying he'd call me with details before I could respond.

 

It would be a total waste of his time driving here and mine because I have no desire to spend any more time with him. We also don't have much in common to even be friends.

 

He seems like a decent guy, possibly just lonely. What else could I possibly say to let him down gently?

[brickheart]

Can you not tell him that he's not your type?

[A Confused Penny]

I'm not sure, wouldn't that sound mean? No matter what I tell him he continues trying.

[Ms Darcy]

You do not need to be gentle; you need to be firm. Tell him you are not interested and ask him to stop contacting you. If he doesn't then block him.

[acfan]

have to be clear, but good for you for caring about his feelings.

[abitbroken]

If he just wanted a date - your strategy of declining works, but anyone who tries to go on vacation with me that I did not agree to would worry me. I would tell him that while you appreciate the offer, you are not looking to date anyone right now and you are not do not want to go on a trip with him. You BTW, how did he know you were back in town? Did he see you back on OKCupid?

[tjcalif]

He is not listening to you at all and just oversteping basic personal boundries. He is not a nice guy He is going to be a stalker or a snaper.. Do not go anywhere with him... Who rents a BEACH HOUSE for a day trip? And he is leaving voice mesg, txt & email???? If you need to think of this as a safety issue lol just do not respond to ANY comunication and hopefully he will stop...

[Capricorn3]

You do not need to be gentle; you need to be firm. Tell him you are not interested and ask him to stop contacting you. If he doesn't then block him.

^THIS. You need to be firm and let him know it's a no-go. Hopefully he doesn't have your address as he sounds way too pushy. You wouldn't want him stalking you. Block him.

[MikNomis]

The rule is if they don't hear you, speak louder. You started nice and gentle, now go hard. Bring out the truth: You don't want to. Why don't you want to? He's not your type.

[annie24]

You do not need to be gentle; you need to be firm. Tell him you are not interested and ask him to stop contacting you. If he doesn't then block him.

 

agreed. you already tried the gentle way the "I'm too busy with work" that most people see right through. i think it's time to bonk him on the head with the truth.