New Journal

[quirky]

I see your point. I personally feel that there are certain pressures perpetutaed towards both genders. Women are expected (indirectly) to look pretty, shave, be loving, caring, feminine. Men are expected to be strong, hard working and fix things. I know men that are nothing like that. In my opinion women were often secretaries because we lived up until recently in a world where ambition and competitiveness was more a 'male' feature. Women did these jobs because that is what was available for them or what they believed deep down was their role. I personally hate admin jobs because they appear stifling and lack self expression. Also women tend to look after the children and that can diminish their own career development. I think both men and women should have equal maternity/paternity leave for example. Regarding requiring female directors on board, I believe they put it out there to encourage women to go for those positions. We live in a much more diverse world than before and companies should reflect that. If a board is full of men they are going to be missing something just like if it is full of women. I remember seeing a program that proved how mixed teams work best that same sex teams, regardless of the task. It is an interesting conversation to be made but I am concerned with it being IAG's journal, maybe a thread to start if you feel passionate or curious about the topic 8)

[notalady]

I agree with you there quirky, there are social expectations on both genders that are not fair. And it is indeed a good thing to have mixed teams/board/management. It's pleasing to see quite a number of female CEOs in large corporations and other senior executive roles.

 

I only used secretary as an example, most women I know have pursued higher education and have reasonable to successful careers, which is also good to see.

 

I'm actually surprised by IAG's colleagues comment about whether one should be considered wife or mistress material, it is certainly a topic or view that's never been discussed or shared in my work place or social circles whether male or female. How old are these women, IAG?

 

Yes it seems that I have derailed IAG's journal, sorry girl anyway just a bit of an interesting discussion

[itsallgrand]

I am passionate and curious about the subject . It's just something I tend to keep more under wraps here on ena because it has the potential to become political (for me, it does).

But nothing that has been said here is anything but above board expressing some opinions and thoughts. I'm glad to read it.

 

It's exactly what had me posting about that stupid joke. Sometimes a small comment like that can send off a whole flurry of thoughts for me on a much broader topic. Someone might make some comment that rubs me the wrong way; and the next thing you know (in my mind) I am off on a whole analysis of the broader implications of it. lol.

 

Thanks for the encouragement regarding work, quirky. Appreciated.

[itsallgrand]

I work a twelve hour shift tomorrow, followed by a shift early again the next morning. So it will be come home, eat, bathe, sleep, go back to work.

 

After this weekend, which felt like a mini vacation, I am not looking forward to it. I want my life to be like this mini vacation all the time!! haha. Well maybe that isn't sustainable.

 

But moving out of this current environment will make it a whole lot easier to get to a sustainable healthy work-life balance.

I AM looking forward to that.

So in a way, I'm excited. Things are going to be better for me real soon. And these heavy shifts will be a memory. Yay. This is the real I put in all this time....to have the options to not have to do this anymore....the time is finally here.

[Seraphim]

I don't know, I was very non-conventional and joined the Armed Forces in 1992. It's a tough world and you have to back yourself up. This was before the harassment policy came into place and the new " kinder gentler army". I saw many men and women that just couldn't hack it. Not only did you have to be physically tough you had to be mentally tough. The only way to build you into something they could use is to try and break you down first.

 

I will tell you though it's the hardest physical thing I have ever done. People may scream about equality but it's damn hard. I'm not sure we will ever have physical equality. We are just too different physically and physiologically speaking. I know as a woman in the military I had to bust my butt three times harder than any man there.

[notalady]

IAG your job sounds tough! Fingers crossed you find another job soon!

[notalady]

Vic, that's rough, but army is one of those ol' boys clubs, even men struggle. My ex was in the defence force academy, and struggled to fit in, got bullied etc. people who thrived most were jocks, jerks and violent people from what I've been told. He didn't talk much about that part of his past, I think it brings back bad memories.

[itsallgrand]

Thanks! Yeah, it's completely do-able. This is really no ones but my owns 'fault'. I've been pushing myself to work work work, and I think I finally hit my breaking point where "enough is enough. this is stupid. I don't need to prove anything here.".

I think deep down I was trying to prove a point about being good enough to deserve the things that I want. It sounds stupid, but it's real. The only one who has been holding me back from doing things differently has been myself.

I think this is a turning point for me because I'm giving up on the idea that there is something that is inadequate about me. It's hard to describe; it's a general feeling of it, I'm just done with this whole notion of living with any sense of being inadequate anymore.

I've noticed other things are changing for me too...it's a positive thing.

 

Vic, I've always had mad respect for women in the army as you know.

[Seraphim]

Oh it is much different now. It is MUCH less of an ol boys club now. At least here. But yeah it wasn't easy. You really learn some things about equality and inequality. And absolutely both men and women are bullied. My brother remembers being taken out by three guys and " stomped" and kicked until he had boot prints. Something he never revealed to anyone until last year and he has been out many years. ( we were both in the same unit) With me it was more emotional/ mental terrorizing tactics used.

[Seraphim]

I know you do. Hugs.

[quirky]

I've been pushing myself to work work work, and I think I finally hit my breaking point where "enough is enough. this is stupid. I don't need to prove anything here."

 

I think this is a great place to be, a place of self acceptance, calmness and letting go. And from that place fun can commence I used to always want to prove that I am hard working, competent etc and now I hardly ever feel it. It's good but I also realise it's best for me to aim towards being self employed..lol because I am not driven much by proving something or impressing someone neither am I afraid of losing a job and that can appear strange in some work environments. But ultimately it is a great place to be, it's liberating !

[itsallgrand]

^ this is how I'm feeling right now. calm. letting go. release.

 

I had a great day today of bumming around. Really did not do much today. Went down the street and got pampered a little - got a facial and a massage. Made myself breakfast for supper - an egg, bacon, fruit, orange juice. Lounged around and lazily packed some things - will be moving to a different place soon. I ordered three new swimsuits online today - a major shopping spree for me on 'clothes' lol. I signed up for a swim group - something I've been wanting to do for al ong time, but was worried the hours might interfere with work.

 

One of my favorite festivals is on here now and I plan on popping in for at least some of the events. Last year it was warmer at this time, so I didn't go except for to have a beer. But this year it's colder - which is actually better for a winter festival!

 

I've been thinking a lot about cutting my hair lately. It would be a commitment at this point now. It has gotten very long - fresh out of the shower, it hits the top of my rear. I'm attached. But it's to the point where I get tangled in my hair while sleeping; I move around a lot in bed and roll over and get caught in my own hair. And every morning is a production of taming this wild beast of a hair.

I used to change styles and color of my hair all the time. Was not attached. Maybe it's time to get un-attached to it again. Maybe it's a bit of a safety blanket.

We'll see. But I have already decided that if I cut it, it's going to be really different. Not 'trim it up' this time.

[quirky]

Have you ever tried a fringe? They can be very flattering unless your hair is curly. What type of cut are you considering?

[itsallgrand]

My hair is curly even at this length.

I'm a little scared to see how much it will curl up again once I cut it.

 

I really don't know....

[notalady]

Could try cutting it to chest length and a new style. Still long but not as long.

 

I have wavy hair and always use a straightener on my fringe so it doesn't look weird and wavy lol...something to consider

[quirky]

IAG do you use straighteners or blow drying it straight? There are ways you can tame your hair a bit.

 

A nice style for long/curly hair is a side plait (look up images).

[itsallgrand]

Oh yeah I do the side plait thing sometimes.

 

Sometimes I straighten but not every day. Too much work for me, plus, I find if I straighten it too often it really does a number on my hair.

 

Usually what I do when I want a change is go and sit down and say "Have fun. Do whatever it is you think. Something totally new." Have had some hits and misses with this approach though. Depends on the stylist; and I haven't had one in a while now whom I trust that way.

[quirky]

I did that once and said to the stylist I want something different, I want to look like a rock star, maybe blond and red highlights. Have a guess to how I looked lol

Actually the problem was the cut not the colour. I think he did an 80s style cut. I don't take those chances now.

[itsallgrand]

haha. I am imagining very 80s!!

 

I had a stylist who was awesome; and she did some cuts/colours that I loved. Once she moved away, it's been bomb after bomb. But I love when you find someone who is that good and who you love that much as a stylist.

 

The last big chance I took my one request was "Please don't make it big. I don't like Big Hair.". And what did she do? Ya huh; made it big. I couldn't have said it clearer "No, I think you misunderstood, I said anything BUT big!". She kept on a going.

To make matters worse, a man who I suppose worked in the salon was walking round and says "looking good, girl!". And I can't hide how I feel on my face; I was not a happy girl.

 

I ran out of there and found the nearest public bathroom and soaked my head in water. lol. God I hated that hair cut and style.

 

I was actually thinking lately of maybe a longer bob. Never tried that. Works with the curls or if I straighten it.

[itsallgrand]

My sleep has been wacked out for the last 4 or 5 days now. Everything in life is going good...actually, great. So what's the deal?

Well I realized that I've still got a little bit of work to do on being real about my feelings as they are happening. Things are going great, I'm doing well...but...I've got a little bit of stress too because of things changing. That's normal enough right? So why is it that I feel that I can't admit that before it gets to sleep getting interrupted. I just need to keep hacking away at it, just the matter of more and more practice now with the little things.

The pattern is during stress: more vivid dreams, tougher time and takes longer to get to sleep, and waking up throughout the night. So ; less sleep quantity and quality. Then I get nervous during the day, I start bottling up my feelings more (afraid to act moody), and it's that beginning of the vicious cycle. But I'm so much better at clipping it now.

Once I've admitted what is bothering me, and either talked about it or just did something to balance it (I find spending relaxing time with loved ones really helps a lot to balance it), then it goes away.

I know it's repetitive but I'm happy and proud of my progress on this front. When I joined the forum: total nervous wreck, couldn't get a nights sleep to save my life, constant nightmares, bottled up my feelings.

Now...once in a while some mild interruptions in a regular healthy sleep pattern, calm majority of time, almost no nightmares, and am much better at expressing my feelings in a healthy regular way.

The other thing is...I am starting to come out of my shell again. Another pattern of the stress is to isolate myself in different ways; can be small, can be big at times.

I'm really getting the chance now to overcome that one.

I've still got my introverted qualities, but those are very distinctly different from my stress related behaviors, and I can see that clear as day now. The difference.

 

My focus right at the moment to keep doing the push further and further away from my longer term comfort zones. A new cycle for achieving, whereas this last long one has been to healing, and healing can go more into a 'maintenance' category more or less now.

 

This is awesome. I'm feeling rather hopeful and pleased about my life right now. And ...I feel my confidence growing a lot.

 

It may be a little thing but it's a big sign to me...I am actually looking forward to spring...and wearing shorts, and skirts, and spending half the summer in my bathing suit...I've never had any real confidence issues when ti comes to my body...but I certainly have used clothes a lot to hide ...in a more general sense...barely worn shorts or dresses in a long time now...down to I think, that fear of being exposed...quite literal isnt' it...but I am really noticing it, how I did that. Went from someone who felt free to one who felt restricted and hemmed in...scared,nervous...

 

Another big thing is I've been doing a bit of dating. And it's brought up some things for me. I am realizing that who I was in my last relationship - I'm still her, but minus a whole lot of the issues. I've done a good job taking my time to myself to sort out the crap. Back then, I think I did rely on too much my partner being a source of comfort and fun for me. I'd have my nervous freaks; and turn to him to soothe me down. I realize how much that must have effected things, and how it would in any relationship (or in simply starting out relationships and exuding that quality like you are poor at self soothing and emotional management/responsibility/stability. I used to be much more moody too; there was a lot more reacting, and causing these bad little dynamics with people. I feel a lot more mature going in to things now. Like if I were to meet someone really special, and it were to develop, I could keep up with that. I could meet a person at the stages of moving along. I really honestly couldn't before. I would cause this big pumping of brakes and I think now...how many times I screwed things up with that kind of behavior. How could I have not seen at the time how that was received as rejections? And why he/they did as they did?

But I get it now.

[itsallgrand]

I've got a mini date for tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck. I'm rusty as hell. It doesn't get any 'easier' than this - a day date, already have some background of him though don't know him very well, I find him attractive, his personality I like and we have some common interests.

It's just been a long time since I've done the dating-dating thing! Actively opening up to potential yes' instead of simply no no no no thanks.

I actually had to think a minute when he invited me out to decide "well why you are going to say no without even thinking about it first. you feel a spark of interest here - just give it a chance".

Exactly; why always no...did it become habit maybe?!

We will see...I'm going to go and try and be good company and have a good time. That's about it. It's a first date after all (have I wrote how I sort of dread first dates? The worst for me. Maybe for everybody!).

 

In other news, only two more weeks with 12 hour shifts loaded into my schedule ,and that frees up a lot of time (not only working, but being tired and sleeping and not doing other things I'd like to be doing) to pursue SPRING and some of my new ventures. Excited about that!!!

 

On with the new.

[reinventmyself]

good luck tomorrow. . and enjoy !

[missmarple]

Good luck on your date tomorrow..I hope it's better than mine was tonight!

[itsallgrand]

Thanks!

I think I will enjoy it.

[notalady]

Have fun on your date!!