Feeling stuck

[SAButterfly]

Hey all,

So, I've hit the seven month point in my breakup. I went NC for the most part for the first 5 months or so. There were a couple emails and a couple times seeing him out (with no communication). We have a lot of mutual friends, so recently he has popped back up at a couple parties. We only dated 10 months, but it was intense. I was his first serious girlfriend, the first girl he said he loved- he was the first guy I saw myself with long-term. Needless to say it was intense. When he broke up with me, he couldn't give me a solid reason (I think we both took each other for granted), but I could see that breaking up was painful for him. He sobbed and for me it was out of the blue. I was so in shock and so hurt that I just left- I never begged or pleaded with him. I was certain he'd come to his senses eventually. He's in his mid-20s and I'm a couple years older. Everyone called us the perfect couple...I thought we were too. We rarely argued and he made me the happiest I've ever felt before in my life.

 

He recently admitted to missing me and still loving me. He also told me he hasn't dated anyone since me. We slept together one drunken night, but it wasn't awkward at all. Every time I see him out, we gravitate towards each other. I texted him recently and he responded immediately, but he never initiates contact. I still love him and I miss him greatly, but I'm just feeling stuck now. I mean, if he really really wanted to be with me, he would try right? He's very passive and terrified of rejection. He only made moves on me when we started dating when he was certain that I reciprocated feelings. It's almost like he was so insecure that he self-sabatoged the relationship. He frequently said that I didn't love him enough, etc. etc.

 

There's a new guy in the picture that I think is cute, but he lives in another state. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. When I dated my ex, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Sometimes I still don't. For most of our time together, things were so great.

 

For those of you who tried to reconcile with your ex, did you straight up and ask them if they wanted to try again? Or did you just know? I've never done that with my ex. I've never asked him if he wanted to get back together. I'm trying to listen more with my head and less with my heart, but it's difficult. I've never been through a breakup this intense and this hard before.

 

Sorry so long and thanks for any advice.

[csr14]

I think if you haven't asked and if it's something that interests you I think asking would be ok. Saying something like "Have you ever considered us trying to date again?". He may say no but the big issues here sounds like - the fact that you just don't know whats going through his head. If you don't ask you'll always wonder - so you don't have anything to lose. Go for it and even if he does say no - I bet you'll feel better knowing!

[dasilver]

You know your ex better than all of us.

 

If he really makes you happy...i would definitely make my feelings known.

 

Desensitize yourself to rejection. Put on your bullet proof vest for it and be prepared for it.

 

Reconciliations take time and lots of patience…..but if you think HE is what you want then I would say go for it.

 

Good luck!!!

[mhowe]

I think you should seriously ask yourself if you want to get back with him --- or if you are just "stuck" because nothing super special has come down the road. He isn't the only choice --- there is out of state guy --- but being w/ him (your ex) shouldn't be a fall back position.

[SAButterfly]

In all honesty, I haven't been in that many relationships- enough to know what's best. He did make me happy, but it was a definite roller coaster relationship. I think I should date others to see what's best for me. Thank you all for your advice!!