Dont know what to do

[Derek9988]

A week ago me and my fiance broke up. Ive been taking it vary hard and i just cant seem to get stronger. She is 9 weeks pregnant and shes20 years old and im 23. We were together for 6 months and we really hit it off. We got engaged 2 months ago and we found out about the baby a month ago. And ever since she got pregnant shes been really sick and i was taking care of her. After awhile she said she wanted some space cautse i was insecure about myself. I didnt give it to her cause i thought it would be the right thing to do is take care of her. She hadis also told meher a couplefew weeks agopregnant that shei was lostme and neededi to findu herslef again. Well last week she felt bwtter and all of a sudden she wants to break up. And she wants me to work on ky insercurty and we might still have a chance. Well monday came along and i wanted to talk to her and tell her what i was thinking she blows up at me and says we will never get bak together it just wont work. Wensday 4th of july she text me saying she wanta to take me to court about the baby. After a few minutes she decided not to do that cause i told her that we need to be adults about this. I just dont know what i should do. Give her more space or try and talk to her? I miss her tons

[SuperDuper]

Derek, you have to realize it's incredibly hard for us to give you accurate advice because we don't know the details of your (recent) encounters with her. I understand that you love her and want to be with her but she's told you that she wants space and wants you to develop some self-security.

 

You backing off will likely work wonders in your situation. Surprise her by suddenly disappearing for awhile. I don't mean give the cold shoulder, but you should actually be busy doing other things, and enjoy it. Go live your life and before you know it she'll likely want to know what you've been up to. Obviously you have responsibilities down the road with the child but until then, you need to develop self-confidence and some independence -- it will make you happier and more attractive.

 

We can give you advice all day but in the end it's up to you.

[Derek9988]

Well we have a place in her name i moved back in with my oarents and we never fight. Her parents arewhich going throigh a devorice that shei founswas out lastand week. Ive got plans to gwt a second job and get my own place. Ive been trying to do my own thing but all i think about is her and if ahe is ok.

[RedDress]

Wensday 4th of july she text me saying she wanta to take me to court about the baby. After a few minutes she decided not to do that cause i told her that we need to be adults about this.

 

To be honest... and I know that's not what your post is about... but I think this is a mistake.

 

Going to court and getting child support in legal writing protects BOTH of you. You can determine what is fair according to the law, you can give her (your child, really) the support that your child will need and you can have proof (hopefully in the form of checks) that you are actually paying her. While things may be amicable now... you never know what may happen 5, 10, 15 years down the line. She could decide that you've never paid enough, she could get a new boyfriend who manipulates her and tries to pull a scam... she could bring you to court, say you didn't pay or even that you didn't pay enough. Imagine if they say in the courts, by then, that you were paying $100 less per month than you should have and the child is now 10 years old? That's a whopping $12,000 you could owe in back child support!! And $100 either way is an easy decision. What if it's $200 a month you are out? Or something else? If you are not going to be married, you should really get this done. If not for your OWN sake, for any of your future partner's sake too (because that's some major potential liability). You can be "adults" who are amicable and go to court with a pre-made agreement. There's nothing that says court has to be ugly. It's there to protect YOU too.

 

Anyways... that's not what you were asking...

 

I agree that giving her space is a good thing. You aren't going to win any friends by forcing yourself on her. All you can really do is sit back and let her work through everything she is going through. You may be pleasantly surprised! She may (and will quite likely when the baby comes) change her mind. Space is good AND attractive.

 

Take some time to take care of YOU. You will need it when the baby comes...

[Derek9988]

Thanks i will most likely do that no matter how much i wanna hear her voice

[Derek9988]

And the court thing i think she was doing it to keep the baby away from me i dont know why im not a bad guy or i didnt do anything wrong to her. It didnt seem to be about child support. But maybe thats what she means. I just know once i get my own place everything will get better

[Tranquillo]

Yeh, just give her some space - thats the best thing you can do right now.

 

You've only been with her for 6 months, engaged over the last two months, and found out about baby last month. Big big changes for her and for you and because she is pregnant she may be extra homonal and confused so she is right to ask for some space and you should respect her wishes.

 

It will be hard but think of the baby and your relationship, if she comes back to you after you have given her space, then all the pain will be worth it.

[Derek9988]

Thanks everyone im gonna give her space and do my own thing and hopfully she comes arounnd. Im getting another job just to grt back on my feet and show her that i how my ive changed my self