help plz! insecurity

[irican]

a message from my second and last ex we broke up three weeks ago and i reacted by getting revenge. but this was her message when we broke up

"I just wanted to tell you Luke how much of a awesome guy you are and how much I appriciate you. I have learned a lot from you and I thank you for that. At this point in my life I'm so stressed with school and trying to make myself I don't really have the energy to put in a relationship I'm barely making it by. I didn't know it was going to be like this. And the fact that I cry almost everyday makes it really difficult. I will see you tomorrow but I just want you to be happy. I know you can be. Find someone who has time for you. Someone who can give you their all. And if your still here in a few months maybe I'll rekindle our relationship. It's just at this point I can't be pulled back and forth like this. You said may hurtful things that no matter how hard I try I can't get it out of my head. I just wish that you can be happy. I want you to not be insecure and Focus on your happiness first. You need you be happy first. Also don't be immature. Be a man in the relationship and that will avoid a lot of problems. Don't threaten or anything like that. It just pushed me further. Be real. And I'll do the same. I want the best for you and I hope it's me just at this point I can't be. I know you will find someone amazing who will love you so much. Please be happy. I'll always be here for you

 

my first ex dumped me too cuz i was insecure all the time and it pushed her away. when they wouldnt text back right away, not text me a paragraph of how much they love, when they werent clingy would always think they were leaving me. then i would get my wish and they would. cuz they were unhappy i would make em talk about their pushed away level or our relationship 24 7. i would text them "just go date, or lets break up" not cuz i wanted to but to constantly test them to see if they wanted to leave. and they ended up doing it. help me plz anybody im sick of it. losing people i love and when they break up im immature by cursing them out, or sending pics to their parents for both exes. its like an impulse i feel bad after but still. and they block me forever. y am i insecure? and then when they leave get so nasty? what was my ex meaning in this last message to me?

[Roxie84]

OP, I'm shocked by your post. Everyone deserves love, but this girl was absolutely right - you need to acknowledge your faults and work on them before you can get into a committed adult relationship. Listen to what she said! She was as kind and understanding as possible, but you have said nasty things to her and have acted immaturely. From the paragraph she wrote, she sounds like a well-worded and classy person. Instead of freaking out and dumping you, she was as kind, yet firm, as possible. She does not deserve "revenge."

 

You need to get real and start thinking reasonably, OP. You are passionate and you want love - that's great! I'm sure you have it in you to be a great lover and boyfriend. But you need to chose your words and think rationally. If you want a girl who will be "clingy" with you, then you're setting yourself up for a very selfish and one-sided relationship. A litte clinginess is cute - constant clinginess is usually scary to the average man! It means the girl is insecure with herself.

 

Wouldn't you like to be a secure and confident man, who knows how to talk to women, LISTEN to and understand them, and be capable of falling in love with a mentally healthy and confdent woman?

 

Sending pics to their parents? Cussing them out? You need to take control of your emotions and act rationally. These are scary, impulsive, and very vengeful actions. You're not going to have a healthy relationship until you start acting maturely.

 

If you'd like any help guiding you through a breakup or getting into a relationship, you're welcome to send me a private message and I can help you out. But your outlook on women and relationships needs a serious makeover.

 

 

One more thing: She told you that you made her cry all the time! Your words hurt her THAT much! Why are you seeing yourself as the victim? Why not look back, realize what you said that was hurtful, and apologize for it. If you really cared about her, wouln't you feel bad for hurting her so badly that she was reduced to tears? She DOES NOT deserve revenge.

[irican]

ur absolutley right. its why i feel so guilty and regret what i did. she changed her number and everything so besides visiting her at her school, which i have never and will never do, theres no way to tell her im srry. i meant clingy like idk y i need every day for the girl to tell me she loves me and knock it into me that she wants to be with me. i cant trust that they say it. they have to show it and throw a parade. im stubborn. and yeah revenge didnt get me anywhere it hurt her more and it made me feel worse

[Roxie84]

I'm glad you realize this - we're making improvement As for needing constant reassurance, unfortunately a lot of women would label that behavious as "insecure," "needy," or "posessive." I can appreciate where you're coming from, but let me give you the female's perspective:

 

When I was younger, I used to be extremel clingy with guys. I wanted to talk all day long, and wanted constant reassurance, just like yourself. But every guy I dated or talked to would call me "clingy," "crazy," "insecure" and so on. It made me feel HORRIBLE about myself, and made me feel very unwanted. So I learned to tone it down, I matured, and I asked for dating advice from many people and sources. Even to this day, with all my experience and all the people who respect my advice, I still get turned down and labelled "clingy." Don't ask me why, I guess I'm very romantic and it can scare some men away when I come on too strong too soon.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is we back off to keep you interested and keep you wanting to be persistent with us. Most girls won't be clingy with you because they WANT to keep you around and interested in them.

 

If a girl didn't like you, she would not call you her boyfriend and she wouldn't answer your calls. If she is interested, you'll know it. The constant reassurance isn't necessary.

[irican]

im def insecure! lol its why my ex dumped me. the main reason. she said i was perfect besides that. up until i got nasty that it when she wanted space.

 

thanks and yeah i start off not clingy and she was then it just got reversed some how. i tried breaking up with her and she said "u cant ****n leave me!" cried and i took her back, then the roles got switched.

[lostgirl123]

stop breaking up with people if you don't mean it. it's dangerous to play with someone else's emotion, it doesn't "test the water." eventually, the girl will be so emotionally drained because you either pushed her too much to the point where she can't deal with it anymore or she just lost all feelings for you.