aphrodite12 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 My ex and I had been together for 6 months, and broke up 6 days ago. The last month of our relationship was quite bad because we were arguing a lot, mainly for my temper tantrums, but he wanted to pull through it and see if things would change. Infact just last week he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I said the same to him the next day. A couple of days after that, last Saturday we had a very big fight and I broke up with him for the first time, because I really didn't like something he said and did to me that day. I did not mean to break up, I was just very annoyed. The day after that I told him I regret breaking up, that he is the one for me and that I love him more than I could love anyone else. I thought he would want to get back immediately because these 6 months has shown me how much he loves me- but no. He said "You can't just break up with me and then turn around and say you didn't mean it. Do you not comprehend the impact that this would have on me?" No matter how I tried to apologise, he said he is not sure whether he wants to get back into a relationship where he is subject to my temper tantrums, and to face the fear that I could break up with him again. Now that he has seen me do it once, he has lost trust in me. I tried to convince him that I would try to change this getting-angry thing about myself- but this is something I have said in the past too when we had problems together as a couple so it didn't have much effect. Anyway I then told him I'll give him some space and time to think about what he wants. This was 5 days ago and we haven't been in contact since. Should I contact him? How long should I wait before doing so? It is a well-known fact that if you ignore someone who doesn't want to get back with you, they can start missing the good sides of you and want you back. That is what I am hoping for. But now I am starting to feel uneasy about the No Contact, because I was the one who initiated the breakup (even though I took it back the next day). No Contact from me might be perceived by him as "She clearly wasn't very interested anyway." Anyone have some advice to give me? Thanks
tallydoo Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I wouldn't break it yet. He's hurt and doesn't trust you, and trying to get back together the next day means that nothing has changed for you. Take some time to work on your anger and let him heal, and then try reaching out. But know that it's not going to be easy, and you're going to have to work to prove to him that you've changed, and that you're not going to take your anger out on him or break his heart again anytime soon. Maybe send him one text message saying, "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm taking some time to work on my issues, and maybe we can talk once I've done that. I hope you're doing well, and I wish you the best." And then leave it at that. He might reply, he might not. But whatever he does, make sure you take some time off to actually work on your temper. Best of luck!
dasilver Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 We are in the same boat my dear.... I broke up with my boyfriend because he did something i didn't like....and i too regretted my decision. After a couple of days i went back and apologized but he said "No"...he said the same things your boyfriend said..... *Sigh*....Men are proud creatures....their pride is sometimes all they have. I agree with tallydoo....leave your boo alone (for a little while anyway). His pride has been hurt and he needs time to lick his wounds. After a while he will no longer be able to convince himself as to why he should stay away from you. So he may come back...If he doesn't....(well it's only been 6 days..let's not think about if he doesn't).... Be patient my friend.....
Milan175 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I would also advice you to remain silent. As a guy I can say that I would like to hear girl say she is sorry if she really was mistaken, but I would also like to have some time to be alone. You said you are sorry, it is up to him to decide. After all both of you are in flame and hurt right now. Give it some time and be quiet. Two weeks should be enough for him.
aphrodite12 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Thank you Tallydoo, Dasilver and Milan for your advice. Initially I was going to wait a week to contact him but now I will try to extend it to 10 days or more. I am worried about No Contact for 2 weeks; my boyfriend says that if he doesn't see someone for a length of time he starts to feel more distant to them; less close. What if he feels like this after 2 weeks of not seeing/hearing from me? What if he has lost the desire to have me as his girlfriend again by then?
Milan175 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 He wont. He will remember you by good things. Why dont you try to mentally swich sides? You be at his position, and think would you want a girl (or guy) who is beging, asking, crying to take you back? Or you would feel more atracted to somebody who can preserve control and be strong? You know the answer! He cant lose desire and atraction, he can lose will to try again, for whatever reason it is. Be patient and strong Think of it as a investment in greater hope. But, always leave place for a rejection. Sounds harsh, but you cant afford to lose sense of reality.
dasilver Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Thank you Tallydoo, Dasilver and Milan for your advice. Initially I was going to wait a week to contact him but now I will try to extend it to 10 days or more. I am worried about No Contact for 2 weeks; my boyfriend says that if he doesn't see someone for a length of time he starts to feel more distant to them; less close. What if he feels like this after 2 weeks of not seeing/hearing from me? What if he has lost the desire to have me as his girlfriend again by then? Yes! He can forget about you after 2 weeks but that's only if he's suffering from a case of amnesia. Be patient aphrodite12.....relationships are not built to be rushed....Give him some space.... Slow and steady always wins the race...
aphrodite12 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 He wont. He will remember you by good things. Why dont you try to mentally swich sides? You be at his position, and think would you want a girl (or guy) who is beging, asking, crying to take you back? Or you would feel more atracted to somebody who can preserve control and be strong? You know the answer! He cant lose desire and atraction, he can lose will to try again, for whatever reason it is. Be patient and strong Think of it as a investment in greater hope. But, always leave place for a rejection. Sounds harsh, but you cant afford to lose sense of reality. Yes! He can forget about you after 2 weeks but that's only if he's suffering from a case of amnesia. Be patient aphrodite12.....relationships are not built to be rushed....Give him some space.... Slow and steady always wins the race... Thank you my friends, your advice is valuable and highly appreciated. I wish you the best of luck with your own situations, if you've started a thread send me the link and I'll try and help
tallydoo Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 You don't ever need to worry about your ex forgetting you so close to the breakup. It's more like they ignore the memory in order to heal (that goes for both parties). It's just a matter of softening up, and then the memories start to slip back in. And it's human nature to not remember pain--we always think, "Oh, it wasn't as bad as all that"--so good memories do stick around.
tallydoo Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Thank you my friends, your advice is valuable and highly appreciated. I wish you the best of luck with your own situations, if you've started a thread send me the link and I'll try and help Haha, and if you don't mind: . I'm going crazy trying to figure out what he's up to, and I'd like all the input I can get! But don't feel obligated
ZhaoZilong5 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 On the flip side, my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I'm moving on more every week. My trust is slipping. It's not a matter of pride. It's a matter of whether or not I want to risk that pain again. It doesn't hurt my ego. It's the fact that I feel like everything she said was a damn lie. Wanted to be with me forever? Couldn't possibly love me more? Wanted marriage and kids? I'm amazing, and my exes before her all missed out? Best boyfriend ever? All ****ing lies that were spilled out in one day. You know what? I still stupidly love her. It's rarely about pride. It's about being respected enough to be treated like a damn human being.
Streetbob Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 On the flip side, my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I'm moving on more every week. My trust is slipping. It's not a matter of pride. It's a matter of whether or not I want to risk that pain again. It doesn't hurt my ego. It's the fact that I feel like everything she said was a damn lie. Wanted to be with me forever? Couldn't possibly love me more? Wanted marriage and kids? I'm amazing, and my exes before her all missed out? Best boyfriend ever? All ****ing lies that were spilled out in one day. You know what? I still stupidly love her. It's rarely about pride. It's about being respected enough to be treated like a damn human being. I hear this. All of the BS things the ex said: "you are the love of my life", "I'll never love anybody like you" were just hollow sound bites......and then she has the audacity to say "You didn't tell me you loved me enough"!!!!
abitbroken Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Nope, don't contact him. It IS really confusing for someone to dump you and then say "i made a mistake" a couple days later. You yourself are really confused about what you want. I really think that for whatever reason the relationship isn't working and you told him he was the love of your life because you scared yourself with the finality of things or were shocked that he didn't sit and beg. You for better or for worse have to live with your decision. I hope you take time to heal.
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