I'm very confused with my life as of late. ANY advice welcome!

[ManAshley]

Hey all. First time post. I'll try to be breief. I just dont really know what to think anymore and all the people I know don't understand. Looking for any and all objective views. Thanks!

 

To try and be brief. I dated this girl in my law school for 2 years. She wasn't the greatest girl but I loved her like a stupid person (as I'm sure some of you can relate). We both had somewhat promiscuous pasts, but I am a loyal and loving Boyfriend when I am in a relationship. she had a reputation as a cheater but when we first got together, she swore that she wanted to change and grow up and have a real relationship, yada yada yada.

 

So things were good for a year. We had a great time. basically lived together. Did the holiday's, family, etc. etc. She even had a relationship with my 5 year old daughter (who adored her). So, a bout a year in, she starts dropping off. Being shady. telling lies, etc etc. She breaks up with me outside a bar cold as can be, and a week later, is hooking up with one of the bartenders. We go through the usual 2 weeks of B.S. I finally give up and start seeing someone else and she comes RUNNING back. I take her back, bc, you know,i love her, blah blah blah.

 

Things are great for another year. We party, we do the old couple thing. you know how it is when things ae good. THEN, she starts this diet (she was a bigger girl, not very attractive, not really sure why i fell so hard but i did). So she cant drink anymore, she cant go out to eat anymore. She feels like crap all the time, but the wight is coming off. I was geniunly proud of her.

 

I still tried to get us out and about and have some fun without drinking and always caught the cold shoulder. So this goes on for a few months. when all of a sudden she goes out of town to help her friend with her wedding that she was the maid of honor in. She comes back and all of asudden she doesnt want to be with me. We talk it out, BUT now she doesn't want me to come to the wedding anymore. shady, no?

 

so for the next month we argue back and forth about the wedding, blah blah blah. until i cant take it anymore and end it when i caught her in a lie.

 

Anyway, long story short, she fell off again. we broke up. but continued to talk and sleep together and all this stuff for a month. We didnt hang out as much AND all of a sudden, here she is, going out every night drinking with god knows who, eating out, going to concerts. all of the things 'we couldnt do bc of the diet"

 

Sorry, said i'd try to keep it short. Anyway, the last day we slept together. Actually slept, like relationship sleep (you know what im talking about) was may 4. By may 8, she is dating someone else. A fat, no life loser. (not important) and they are ALL OVER facebook with their lovey dovey B.S (whereas, she wouldnt even acknowledge my fb relationship invite bc she didnt want people in her business (yea right).

 

It drove me mad. Hurt like hell,. but i tried to be cool. We were supposed to go to friends birthday thing about a month ago. I tried to call her and found my number blocked (? not sure why she would do that), so i e-mailed her to let say, hey look I'm going to be at X's birthday party, I wnt make things awkward if you want to bring your BF, im sure hes a great guy even though this pisses me off. (or something like that). Anyway, CHILL. no response. come to find out, my friends ditched her, never invited her to the party, havent even talked to her. told me thank god we were over so they didnt have to hang out with her anymore (some of these people she considered best friends)

 

After a few weeks, last week of june i guess, i e-mailed her again. said something like "looks like we're never speaking again, want you to know what you did was wrong, but i forgive you. Thank you for the great times we did have, thank you for accepting me and (my daughter) into your family. I will always love you. Bye. Thats the basic gist. No response.

 

So here we are. 2 months into her new relationship she started basically 4 days after ending mine. Was hoping it was rebound. looks like its not. I know she's no good and eventually i'll be better off. Problem is, I still love her so much. I still think about her every day. I wish she'd come back even though i do fine single (not bragging, but i'm good with women) I never felt the way i dd about her as i did with any girl (there have been more than a few, again not bragging). Its been over a month since we actually talked at all and probably a month before that with NC. I hear she tells people, not her friends, my friends, that i'm crazy and was a bad BF and makes fun of me on FB ( i got rid of mine a long time ago).

 

What do i do here. Why is she acting like this. Does anyone have any experience with someone they love just completely changing into someone awful (truly awful) overnight? like almost literally overnight. I'm moving on, or trying to. but i miss her everyday. I know the person she used to be, pretending or not. I just hate how things turned out. Any advice, comments, experiences welcome. I just feel so damn lost in all this. little help?? Thanks.

[ghengisT]

Hello. Welcome to ENA!

 

I understand how tough it can be to keep these things short. In a sense, readers need as much detail as possible, so no hard feelings there. After reading about half of your post, red-flags went off like crazy. She may indeed be a great person, while you're both highly compatible. The majority of new relationships don't make it past 2 months. It's apparent to me that she has a lot of commitment issues (commitment-phobe ). That, or she just enjoys the thrill of the chase.

 

There's nothing wrong with her being honest & asking for a real, mature relationship. She was honest about her past. Kudos for that. As you can tell, it's very easy to fall back into old habits. How I see it- do you really want a girl in your life who whims in/out of commitment each time a stranger passes her a glance? When you're 40, both have shared possessions & kids, who needs to worry about a S/O that's looking for affairs.

 

I don't think you're asking for a reason to pursue this girl any further, because you know better. There are going to be people in life that pass through yours, who have something to teach you, and may hurt you in some way. The experience you gained from the encounter is what it's all about. Part of being a healthy individual from an emotional standpoint is to embrace detachment. You must detach yourself from this individual as a means of allowing yourself & her to grow(up).

 

I'd leave her alone, for good.

 

"But Ghengis, do you think I should give her another chance, when she comes back?"

 

After how she was not up front with you, and you've emotionally vested yourself, twice? Hell no.

 

But Ghengis, what if I never meet somebody as special?

 

You will. Because you stopped giving this girl the time of day, to string you along, thinking she has you on the back burner.

[dasilver]

This lady is all over the place....In and out...indecisive..up and down...I'm not sure she even knows what she wants....

 

I agree with ghengisT....It's easy for people to fall back into old habits....

 

This is who she is...who she has become.....She may never change. Maybe for a little while but she will most likely go back to her old self. It's human nature to do so.

 

You've got to ask yourself....Is this who i really want for myself? Your choice....

[LoveHurts89]

I don't think she has a commitment issue. I think she has self esteem issues. You said yourself she was promiscuous, probably wanting attention from anyone who would give it. She starts a diet to try to look better, fails, and hooks up with a chunky dude in order to make herself feel better. Girls do often feel under pressure if their partner is hotter than them, so sometimes go for somebody less hotter so they feel secure in thinking they wont stray. Sounds totally superficial but that's the way she came accross to me.

 

Coming from somebody who is in a relationship with somebody who has a child, I can honestly say you've dodged a bullet. Parents should never stay together for the sake of a child, but, coming from a separated home can sometimes be difficult for kids due to instability. If this woman had any respect for your child, she wouldn't walk in and out of your life. I could never ever show that kind of instability to my SO's little one. She may not be my child, but when you're in a relationship with somebody who has a child, you automatically take on the responsibility of showing the child right from wrong. You and your daughter deserve more.