studioequip Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 So i have been going out with my partner for twenty years. We have two incredible children and we had 15 years which felt like a honey moon. Recently we split and got back together again.. although when we split we stilled lived in the same house. weird i know.. anyway we are back together and she still sees texts and goes to the theatre with an ex.. he is a friend and has become a friend to her and he was very suportive to her when she needed it most. the problem is that he is in love with her so he will take what ever crumbs she will offer him..she offer friendship but he is always sending texts which are suggestive. complimentary and clingy and certainly not the sort of texts that suggest he respects that she is back with her long time partner. so i called him and told him to respect us and to crawl under a stone. should my grilfriend be mad about what i did.. should i have done what i did.... i am dreading the moment she finds out i called him but i feel he needed to know where i stood and the lack of respect was unacceptable
Moontiger Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Ok I think your partner is doing the completely WRONG thing by going to movies etc with someone she knows has feelings for her. You should have explained to your wife that you felt disrespected by his text message, etc and let her handle tell him to back off.
dasilver Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Different strokes for different folks.... Personally i would have been embarrassed that you didn't have the conversation with me first....but that's just me. If the ex is truly just a friend, she shouldn't raise much hell about it. Some people would call it an invasion of privacy but after 20 years together to me that would be an insult to you. She probably should be flattered to know you loved her so much to the point that you even told another man to back off.....
studioequip Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 da silver your right.. you know i wish i could have had the discussion with her but she has already said that she wishes to keep two friends from her time when were apart and she seemed pretty pissed of that i would even suggest she didnt. Reason being is because i use to have alot of female friends but they werent in love with me and they certainly didnt send me suggestive texts
dasilver Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 da silver your right.. you know i wish i could have had the discussion with her but she has already said that she wishes to keep two friends from her time when were apart and she seemed pretty pissed of that i would even suggest she didnt. Reason being is because i use to have alot of female friends but they werent in love with me and they certainly didnt send me suggestive texts I understand completely what you're saying. I wouldn't be too happy either if my boyfriend was receiving suggestive text messages from an ex that still had feelings for him. ...but you know your partner better than any of us. You've been together for 20 years.... YOU already know if she has feelings for this ex she's been spending time with..... I would have a sit down on a quiet evening and explain to her how you feel...If she disregards or isn't sympathetic to what you're telling her...you will know how to proceed from there.
studioequip Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 so do u think i should tell her before he does
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 How long were you actually apart? Why did the two of you split up in the first place? You say the split was very short...does that mean only a few months? Did she meet those "friends" (I assume the other one is male as well) during the brief period you were split? Sounds to me like she used those men to boost her ego during the split. I doubt very much that they are really friends in the true sense and I suspect that she is using their interest in her as an ego boost. Did she actually make any new female friends during the time apart (I suspect not, I suspect she was only looking for male "new friends" during that time for an ego boost). Bottom line is that I think she is the one you should be angry with, not this other guy. If he is giving her these kinds of messages chances are she is doing everything to encourage it. These are more than "just friends" to her. It would be interesting to know what caused the split and who broke up with whom.
dasilver Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 so do u think i should tell her before he does Yes! I think you should....
amipushy Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Yes! I think you should.... I agree. I think you did the wrong thing so get it out in the open first. You should have told her that it bothered you and asked her back off her, not him.
Milan175 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 There is probably complex story behind these events of yours, but based on what you have provided here, I support the idea that she is doing it wrong, by letting other people interfere...I can say, between you two. Also I would support that you make some nice atmospfere and slowly and lovely describe her what is bothering you. I think that she knows already all of that but when she hears that from you again she may think deeper.
DN Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 She should not have to be told that she is acting inappropriately by going out with her ex to movies etc. She should already know and the fact that she still does it says a lot about how she views you and your relationship.
pl3asehelp Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I agree. I think you did the wrong thing so get it out in the open first. You should have told her that it bothered you and asked her back off her, not him. I sort of agree with this, though I think you should have told her it was completely unacceptable and that she needs to end all contact with the ex in love with her immediately if she wants to stay married to you. Agree with DN she should not have to be told this and the fact that she does is a really bad sign - I'm not optimistic. If she reacts with anger or by defending herself or the guy in love with her she goes to the movies with (this is called dating, by the way) go see a lawyer.
LMJ Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 She should not be "dating" her ex while you two are married. She is the one that does not know the boundaries of your MARRIED relationship. OR she does and she is not respecting it and you. As for the other guy, he should know better too but you dont know what she is presenting to him. Could be that you two will split permamentaly. I think you need to be a MAN and call her to the carpet. If you need to then DIVORCE her. She doesnt not how to be a wife.
studioequip Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 thanks for all your replies.. the split was caused because i stopped being attracted to her... when you see someone every day you can stop seeing the value of them or i did anyway.. i feel like i have become a better person i don't know how..i think it was realising that i could lose her.. and when my 11 year old son asked 'dad what happened to our family" so i decided to win her back which took four months.. its great to be back with her and its incredible that after 20 years i feel as if each day is so precious.. but this guy thing he needed to be told and so did my other half i know for her its friendship ..but is also a stupid naivety on her part and just the thought of her at the theatre ..i from london so thats what we call going to see a play. but the thought of her out with another man just turns my stomach..
studioequip Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 by the way its great this type of forum exists and thanks for your feed back..any further feedback would be appreciated
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