7 Months Later - Lights At the End of the Tunnel

[drmcsugar]

2012 has been a rough year for relationships, not just mine, but also my friends', coworkers', family members'. I've recently seen an 11-year relationship broken apart lately, makes me wonder how can you ever bounce back from that? But I've learned that when life kicks you down, you weep, take responsibility, and MOVE ON. Yes, it is sad but true, your only survival option is to get yourself together, let go, and get on with your life, because time doesn't wait. Hurt is how you grow.

 

I'm going to give you the tough talk that everyone on here does, the exact tough talk that I hated immensely when I first came to this forum to search for a way to "get my ex back." When my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me in January 2012, I found this forum and was offered the advices of "Just get over it" and "An ex is an ex for a reason." Those advices hurt/angered me to no end because I was here feeling like dying since a huge part of me was taken away and all everyone could say was to just forget it? Were they trying to be funny? I couldn't forget it because I wanted to get him back, and I ONLY wanted him. Why don't people get it and be less insensitive?

 

Now, that I am 7 months post break up, I've seen things much more clearer, and these advices come to make sense. You want to get your ex back? Well, read all the NC threads, but that's all people here can give you. No matter how much you moan and weep, you cannot make somebody love you - they're their own person(s). They may come back, they may not; their emotions aren't up to you as they don't owe you anything. So the only sure thing here is you need to move on, work on yourself, and essentially "get over it." You can't hold anybody's future but your own; nobody can say exactly what will happen later in life for sure regarding to your exes, but everyone will agree that you have all the power to get yourself back up. In this sense, the cold advices actually are wise. It just infuriates you because it's not what you want to hear in the midst of negative emotions and the mindset of "I don't want to forget my ex, I want him/her back." That's what I got out of this 7 months post break-up while being a member on here.

 

For anyone that's struggling, I assure you, there's a light in the end of the tunnel. I AM experiencing it. No, it wasn't easy; this was somebody I thought I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with afterall. We were even moving in together when we broke it off. But you don't have any other option. So when you're thinking, "Doing NC is me giving up on everything we shared. I don't want to ruin chances by my inactivity." Well, when somebody decides to leave you, especially after everything you two had been through together, it means they've already given up on you. Don't trap someone into being with you; if you really love them, you'll want the best for them. Your acting of all "I don't care, I want him/her back" is selfish; love isn't selfish. You only want them back because you're losing them and you can't stand being heartbroken - this is you selfishly think for yourself. If they treat you badly and you think it's unfair, karma will take care of it. NOW LET THEM GO and SET YOURSELF FREE. Things don't seem to look up at all until one day, you just realize your ex is fading out of your life, and it was so unnoticeable that you didn't even recognize you've started to forget your ex. Be patient and love yourself. You can't force anyone to love you; who knows what the future holds? But one thing for certain is that you can ALWAYS choose where you want to stand in your future, and that means you have to start today - for your own sake, not your ex's. You should always focus on getting yourself back first, not your ex back, in this break up and many other future break ups God forbids you to face later in life. You're responsible for your own happiness, not your ex, not anyone else. And this is the hindsight of all.

[jumper11]

This post means a lot to me. I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel, experienced it, then got suckered back in after moving on..that was fun. It was hard to go back after you move on, once you move on, you know.

 

I hope to reach that light again soon. It was stupid of me to force myself back into that tunnel all for a boy.

[dasilver]

Brilliant! I loved this....thanks a bunch!!!!....

[GetOverItPlz]

Very well written and thought out. This is EXACTLY what I needed to read.

 

It's crazy how at the front end of things, none of it makes sense. By the tail end, you always wonder- *** just happened?! WHY did I put myself through all that? And then you take that experience, and grow.

 

I hope we all get better at this break up thing. If human history is any indication, we're all gonna go through it at least a couple more times in our lives.

 

All respect to the OP!