I'm in need of some advice concerning a rebound

[swaustin]

Hello. So my ex and I were together for 5 years. Things were really rocky toward the end because we were working together behind a bar and partying all the time. He's a lot younger than me, and when I tried to address that issue, he turned it against me and left me so that I couldn't control his life (which is not what I was trying to do. I merely suggested that we maybe find more constructive things to do after work and not spend so much money on alcohol. my bad, i guess, for trying to communicate my concerns?)

 

After he left me out of nowhere one night, I decided that all I could do was work on me. I stopped drinking altogether and really started doing some major soul searching. A couple of weeks after we split, my ex started coming back around. He said things to me like: 'I would take a bullet for you' and 'I hope that we can make things work' and that he loved me on a regular basis.

 

At the Christmas party for the place we worked, we both got black-out drunk and I misunderstood and thought that he was coming to stay at my place since he was leaving to go out of town for the holidays for a week. He got really upset with me when I told him what I thought we had agreed on and left. He would not talk to me at all and went out of town.

 

While he was out of town, he hooked up with a friend of a friend. I believe they knew each other from high school or something. I was devastated.

 

Here we are six month later after NC, and we have talked a bit. My grandmother passed away recently and I sent him a message because I had been thinking about life and regret and the past. I told him that I was sorry for everything and that I wish that I could have been in a better position to show him just how much I really do love him. I also told him that it was the last time I would try and contact him.

 

He responded telling me about his new promotion at the place we used to work together and that he has worked through some of his anger with me and he doesn't see why we couldn't be friendly. He also said that, for what it's worth, he misses me.

 

After this, I stopped into the restaurant to say hello. it was really nice. After I left, he apparently told some mutual friends about how we had talked and that it was really nice. I was packing up my apartment to move and found some things of his, including a really old recipe book that his grandmother had given him. I dropped it by to him on day on my way to work at my new job and he was very appreciative. He also told me that it's been nice talking to me lately. He told me that he was going back home for a few days and that we should get together when he gets back because I told him that I have some other stuff of his I found in the move.

 

So stupid me goes and looks at his Instagram and I accidentally liked one of his pictures. He went out of town to go back home and was hanging out with this new guy. Now, normally he doesn't post pictures of himself or him with other people on his Instagram. Since the last time we talked, he has posted 3 pictures of him with this new person with captions like 'With my favorite boy.' In all of these pictures, they are at a bar and I can see that he has obviously had a fair amount to drink.

 

So I text messaged him telling him when I was free this week and just telling him to let me know when he'd want to get together. He wrote back and told me that he had a friend in town this week and was going on vacation with him mom next week, so he would have to postpone until then. I found it strange that he would refer to this guy as a friend if he were really trying to push me away with posting those pictures.

 

So now I'm at a loss. I feel like he's parading this rebound relationship in my face, either trying to get me to react or trying to get me to take a hint. But if he were trying to get me to just go away, why would he say that he missed me and that it's been nice seeing me? I'm so lost.

 

I love this guy so much. I know that I made a lot of mistakes while we were together. Life was really difficult at the time. I was always broke and drunk, we worked together, so there was no way for me to come home and unload about my work day... he was there and part of it and would take things really personally if I were to mention something that bothered me or something.

 

I want him to see that I'm making so much progress in my life. I really have changed the way that I treat people and the way that I perceive myself. I was a very scared person with no self-esteem during the last part of our relationship and I think that I leaned way to heavily on him to fill that void that I was feeling.

 

Anyone have any advice, please? I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I know that this guy is the 'friend' who is in town today and tomorrow to visit. The fact that they hooked up within 5 days after our big split makes me feel like he is using this person to not have to deal with losing me and deal with the emotions of the breakup. Please help. I'm trying to be really smart about how I handle this, because I know that with matters of the heart, we can all get way too eager and make mistakes. I'm not trying to play games. I just want a chance to truly be able to be the man that I know that I'm capable of being and that both he and I deserve for me to be. Thanks for taking the time to read this.