Meeting boyfriend on Sunday. I'm going to break up with him.

[Beatrixx]

Just posting here to vent out my feelings... so I apologize I just need to get it all out... and maybe some of you will reply and make me feel better about this difficult decision I've made.

 

I've been with this guy for 6 months. I love him so much and he loves me too (so he says) but lately I've been so unhappy. He lives an hour and a half away so we have a kind of long distance relationship. He also is a complete workaholic and works really long hours on weekdays so we only see each other on weekends. The problem is that he's not attentive enough for me. My ex was extremely attentive so I've been having trouble getting used to this. I'm lucky if I get one call or text a day from him during the week and it really upsets me when a day goes by without him getting in touch. Sometimes he's even gone two or three days without getting in touch. I let him do most of the initiating because I want to know that he wants me and misses me, but I have texted him now and again and sometimes I've been a bit soppy and told him how much I miss him and love him and how proud I am that he works so hard. However, he rarely replies, and that makes me feel awful... This has caused me to actually be SCARED of telling him I miss him and I love him so the last week or so I've avoided saying either of them to him. It's not nice being in a relationship where I'm scared to show my feelings.

 

It frustrates me so much because I wasn't interested in this guy that much when we first met. He had to work really hard to get me. It took him months. But in the end I fell in love with him, didn't I? *sigh* And once I did he stopped putting the effort in. ARGH! I love him very deeply but I know I have to end this for my own good. If I stay in this relationship any longer I'm just going to keep getting upset about him not meeting my needs. I wish I could put up with it but I can't. It doesn't help that he refuses to put himself as 'in a relationship' with me on Facebook. It only makes me feel even more unvalued than I already do. He says it's because he wants to keep that part of his life 'private' but I think that's BS because he talks to his colleagues all the time about our relationship and tells them some very intimate details too. So yeah, something just doesn't add up with him... I accepted that he doesn't want to to put it on Facebook so I've dropped the subject and not mentioned it since, but deep down it really bugs me!! So that's another reason why I feel I have to end it...

[PJK]

Maybe you should be telling this to him...you're definitely frustrated but does he know this?

 

Also the Facebook thing...don't give him too much crap for. I'd rather not share that kind of stuff with all those people. I know a lot of people who are the same way.

[Pleasedonot5]

PJK is right. Your happiness is the most important, but if you truly do love this guy, then you wouldn't end it without first telling him you the way you feel about things. My ex-girlfriend did that to me, and it drives me crazy to this day. Tell him what's on your mind. No, REALLY tell him. He doesn't know what you're thinking unless you're straightforward and tell him exactly what's on your mind. That's how many guys, if not most guys, are.

 

If he still can't meet your needs after he knows what your issues with the relationship are, then I would suggest ending it.

 

And hey, if he talks about you all of the time to his coworkers, then why are you mad that he's not acknowledging your relationship?

[RitaTrue]

I agree with the other posters: tell him your feelings.

 

To me, its quite backwards, to dump someone without telling them your feelings first. Unless there was cheating involved, the other person may have no clue as to what they did wrong.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot: how would you feel being dumped out the blue?

 

If you're so "in love" with this guy, at least give him a chance to put the work in to make it right.

[offplanet]

You're doing the right thing. It's a change to see someone being 'sensible' and not clinging to a relationship which doesn't make them happy, purely because, even though they know the relationship isn't good for them, they don't have the strength to follow through and leave it. I hope you stick to your decision, because even if you had that 'talk' to him, telling him what you want and need etc, you've already seen what his style is. That's what he's comfortable with. He could try to change, to please you, but it wouldn't last because he wouldn't be being himself.

[Pleasedonot5]

Off,

 

You can change the way you act and not be changing yourself. Don't fall into that trap. I could totally be cool with picking my nose, but that's not socially acceptable, so I would really want to change the way I'm acting. Picking my nose isn't me; it would be the way I'm acting. I hope that makes sense to you and the OP.

[offplanet]

Off,

 

You can change the way you act and not be changing yourself. Don't fall into that trap. I could totally be cool with picking my nose, but that's not socially acceptable, so I would really want to change the way I'm acting. Picking my nose isn't me; it would be the way I'm acting. I hope that makes sense to you and the OP.

 

Well she's only been with him 6 months and he's already stopped putting effort into it, which makes me think, this is the way it's going to be, unless he tries to change, simply to avoid losing her. However, when people change their behaviour just to avoid someone breaking up with them, when it's not the way they are really most comfortable being, my theory is that it's only a temporary change, and that sooner or later they'll slip back into what they are most comfortable with.

 

Anyway, as they've only been 'together' 6 months, and already he's not giving her attention, why should she bother trying to make it work? It's not like they're married and have kids and a house to consider. If it's not working after 6 months I feel it's better to cut her losses now, rather than get even more involved and more hurt.