Gone!!!!!!

[candyapplle123]

Finally my ex is gone and will not be calling me anymore. He finally understands that I am mad because he has lied to me about different things and also has stood me up for dates at least 3 times. I had to let him know that I resented him not treating me and my time as valuable the same as he would other people who are important to him in his life. Also, I could not see myself going back to the same person who would accept the same treatment from him. Of course he said he would change but I am tired of being there for him and he was not there for me.

 

Now that he is gone for good, I will be taking time to recover from this friendship. I knew him for 4 years and it was long distance, we had 4 dates and talked on the phone a lot. I have never had a connection with a man like I did with him. I blame myself and my social anxiety for having this type of relationship where it is not a sociable one where I see the man I am dating on a regular basis. I never met any of my ex's friends or family. Twice I invited him to meet my friend and family and he did not come. So if I do meet anyone in the future, it will be a friendship where I know his friends and family and he knows mine. My ex claims that he was never seeing women while he was seeing me but that is not true because he admitted to me two years ago that he was still looking for women on the dating website where we met. My question is:

 

I think that I need to work on my social skills because I don't want to attract this kind of man who doesn't want to be in my life and spend time with me as in dating, meeting friends and family and accompanying me to social events. Besides Toastmasters and seeing a therapist, what are some other things that I can do to improve my social skills and improve my personality?

 

Tonight I know I have taken the first step by letting my ex know that I will not allow him to stand me up any longer. There is a saying "Never treat someone as your priority when you are only their option" that is how my ex treated me and I am so glad to be free of that. I miss the connection and phone calls but I am prepared to be single for the rest of my life rather than have to put up with continually being stood up. I was sick of it and I am glad that I don't have to wait around for him anymore, at least now I know the truth.

[pippy longstocking]

well first of all well done for walking away , you did the right thing and wasn't prepared to sacrifice your happiness

for a relationship like this .

 

your well on your way already with the changes you want to make by doing that alone ^^^^ ..but you also wrote what you want and what you don;t want ..so you already have the tools inside you to do this . You wont allow yourself to get cought in the cyber trap of relationships never coming to fruition and you recognise what your essentail ingredients are for a healthy relationship.

 

so surely your personality has already changed because you have just let him go and are taking measures to improve and enhance yourself ..your doing great really ...you should be proud of yourself

[candyapplle123]

Thank you shooting star, your message has made me feel better. I felt I had to let him know that it is no longer acceptable to stand me up. I tolerated it for so long because I cared about him but I have to start caring about myself first. There is a saying " You teach people how to treat you" and I had to let him know that it is not ok to not show up for a date or not show up for something that he promised that he would but he would not show up at the last minute because something else came up that was better than seeing me, that is not ok.

[pippy longstocking]

" You teach people how to treat you"

 

I agree totally ...and ultimately if someone does something once that we don't like , then we allow them to keep doing

it then it is ourselves who are responsible ..and the more we allow it ..the more we did it ..

 

I need to remind myself of this as well