Really complicated breakup - really need help

[BBrice]

Can anyone explain this and help me please?

 

I had a 9 month relationship with a girl (28yo i i am 27yo), and we had a time of our life, planned stuff, geting married (no laughs please - we are really soulmates), everything with clear mind...She really loves me and feels me as she used to say everytime. I am same. I really love her in a right way, new way in my life.

 

Few months ago my ex started to harrasing me with calls and sms's and my girlfriend found about that late (i didn't share it right with her because i was stupid enough to think i am protecting her, etc.) Then we went trough a hard fight for 1-2 days and everything was back on tracks.

 

Yesterday, my EX saw me with my GF, and she called my girlfriend telling her we never broke up, and we are in 6 year relationship, and now she knows that my girlfriend and me dating for sure and she will left me with all luck to my GF and me.

My girlfriend was pissed mad at me, drove off home, things like that, and then i manage to spoke that night with her about things and everything was tensed a lot but generally ok and i know it will be fine.

 

Today my GF called me with crying voice saying it is best that we don't hear from eachother anymore, you did what EX says and, she decided about everything,...

 

Few hours after that my EX called my GF again!!! Saying that she want to make things right but she add more and more bulLShT to my girlfriend (we slept together, he is at my home everyday, and all other she could lie in that moment bla bla bla). My GF called me immediately and furiously shouted at me sayin': Don't ever call me again we are finished finished finished. She erased me from FB few mins ago along with friends we know (my friends, my family)...her trust is gone 2nd time in our relationship.

 

So i really am confused and want to know how to solve this.

 

This is my #2 error with EX calls and stories (my GF looks at it that way)

 

Can anyone help?

[DN]

If she chooses to believe your ex rather than you there isn't much you can do about it. If she was sensible she would have asked questions and demanded proof but I guess her love for you wasn't strong enough. I am sorry you had to go through this.

[BBrice]

Yes, me too, but i really know love is strong, because of some things...

I think her trust is gone...i mean believing my EX instead of me. They talked round 30min. first time, and maybe 5-10 2nd time. Really don't know what to do. She has some "facts" as she says...but really...nothing is truth.

Any suggestions what to do i really care about this girl.

[Pleasedonot5]

Don't seem desperate, but you need to chase your girlfriend, tell her that your ex is crazy, and that you've completely removed your ex from your life. Then do it. Completely cut your ex out of your life. Then ask your love to do the same, and that you are kind of disappointed that she would trust your ex over you.

 

You need to be completely honest with everything you say in the next several interactions. Being caught on even a white lie might ruin your chances with your soulmate forever.

[BBrice]

Yes, and i already told her that when we met. We spoke 3-4 hours, driving, walking i told her EX i hurt probably and acting like an idiot. I don't have nothing to do with her and you know it. Everything...I am really honest, but she doesn't see that. I don't want to terror her with calls and text messages or something. Do i need to wait few more days to things lay on ground?

[DN]

I disgree that you need to chase her - she is the one who has betrayed trust by believing your ex instead of you. Therefore she needs to repair what she has broken.

[BBrice]

You are right about that.

Just my feeling that guilt that i haven't been an ******* saying FCKOF to EX with loud voice shootin 9mm in her direction.

I just want to know what to do. She shouted on me over phone never again, pissed, things like that. I have trusted you with my life and you had 2 relationships, things like that. You went with your EX on 1-2 day vacations, sht like that...i can't imagine what EX told her.

I was 2 day with my friend doing work at place 50miles away, and now she thinks that i went with my EX or some sht like that.

 

Don't know how to fix it...really.

[Pleasedonot5]

I guess I sort of agree with DN, if you've told her and she still doesn't trust you. Perhaps tell her that if she trusts your ex over you, then you honestly don't know anymore. Then go into NIC. That would be my advice, but hey it all comes down to the specifics of the situation.

 

But NEVER EVER EVER let your ex become close friends with, or trust your ex girlfriends more than you again. Learn that lesson, like I have the hard way. They screw you over and buddy up with your girlfriend as soon as you start having problems, and they fuel the fire.

[BBrice]

Yep, you are 100% right about that.

As i said, i had 3-4 hours to explain her all normally. Told her everything as it is,...real truth.

It just seems that she doesn't want 3rd problem to come up sooner or later.

Now i don't call her, no sms, nothing...i think if i call then she will told me i told you not to call!!! or something like that.

I really can understand them both i can take a look from both sides, no problem, i can be rational.

Just that scare inside that keeps telling me: It's really over.

 

My GF is really pretty, nice, strong and educated woman. Her decisions are all been straight in past and final in most of the times.

So i don't know how to reach her in a proper way after all this...i don't want to look sad, begging or else.

I want to be strong, happy man she feel in love first place.

But i want to know how to approach on all this in a right way.

Any suggestions?

[FrenchFries]

I realize at this point, this particular question really doesn't matter anymore, but how did she get your current girlfriend's phone number??

 

Anyway, I agree with DN. I would not chase her down. At 28 years of age, she ought to be sensible enough to sit down and think this through a little. If you've never given her any reason to not trust you, it's pure foolishness for her to take your ex at her word. I would let her know that whatever it is isn't true (if it really is a bunch of lies), that you find it hurtful that she believes your ex over you, and that you wish her all the best. Then I'd put a block on my phone so the ex couldn't ever reach me again. Should have put a stop to it a long time ago...

[BBrice]

I told her already almost everything you wrote here, before.

 

She got the number from my phone or my sister. I was receiving messages from my girlfriend before we meet (we knew each other over FB and then started to text). Broke up with ex but she was still around, with my sis.

 

p.s.

I called her yesterday - no response.

Then i've sent her sms: Call me when you think it's ok to sit down and talk like civilized people. I think we should do that as soon as possible.

No response.

[BBrice]

I told her already almost everything you wrote here, before.

 

She got the number from my phone or my sister. I was receiving messages from my girlfriend before we meet (we knew each other over FB and then started to text). Broke up with ex but she was still around, with my sis.

 

p.s.

I called her yesterday - no response.

Then i've sent her sms: Call me when you think it's ok to sit down and talk like civilized people. I think we should do that as soon as possible.

No response.

[BBrice]

Called her today and told her everything straight forward that if she want's to talk, we'll talk face to face. I don't have time for push-pull games. I have told the truth and if she can't handle the truth then we can't have anything together.

We spoke around 20 minutes. End the conversation ok. Troughout conversation i was man enough, really simple and straight and in good mood.

 

After 8 hours i received MESSAGE: It is over, you spoiled our relationship, bla bla bla. I got so many great moments with you but lies also, you hurted me so much, you have destroyed this relationship, bla bla bla...about 10 text lines.

 

I answered really simple: I think you should tell me that face to face.

 

So now don't know where this is going. I have really been honest with her and straight all the way.

 

I think i shouldn't call her in next 5-10 days at all.

 

What can i expect next?

[DN]

Don't contact her at all. I bet she will contact you sooner or later.