New guy I'm potentially interested in

[SAButterfly]

Hey all,

So, it's been seven months since my breakup and I've met a new guy who lives out of state, but I'm definitely attracted to. We've been talking a good deal and he seems genuinely interested in me and we have good conversations. This new guy had a long term relationship of four years (they were engaged) and it was a mutual breakup like 6 months ago. We have a mutual friend and he said that they had drifted apart and she wasn't ready to settle, but he still has a lot of pictures of them together on facebook.

 

My breakup with my ex was pretty devastating, out of the blue and left me with my guard way up. I'm trying to decide if it's even worth it to pursue. I don't want to be a rebound, but I also can understand having some baggage from a previous relationship.

 

Any advice?

[SAButterfly]

I also want to add that I haven't dated anyone since my ex. At one time, I had hoped for reconciliation, but I see now that's not going to happen.

[Batya33]

How many times have you met him in person? I think it depends on whether he feels over his ex fiancee- I used to jump right back in to the dating pool - had a few rebound type short "flings" but I also got involved in serious relationships.

[SAButterfly]

I've only met him once unfortunately, but he's making plans to come visit me. I'm just a little skeptical about the pictures on his facebook. I mean, my ex pretty much immediately deleted the pics of he and I after he broke up with me.

[SuperDuper]

Two things... I don't think you should be debating if it's "worth pursuing" the new guy based on PAST relationships. There doesn't have to be a pattern, simply learn from the past and apply the knowledge to future relationships... I think you definitely should pursue.

 

Secondly, if this guy was engaged... and together with his ex for 4 years then perhaps he just enjoys the photo memories? Or he doesn't even think much of the pictures.

 

You two aren't dating, and at most there's mutual attraction right now. So in my opinion don't fret about the photos, those things can be discussed once you two begin to get more serious. Good luck.

[Ms Darcy]

Six months out of an engagement where she wouldn't settle down (I don't believe that mutual malarky in this case). I think it's fine to meet him but if I were you I would actively look for other men. I doubt he is ready for what you want.

[adrian83]

be friends first...hang out but dont move too fast

[Batya33]

I wouldn't do the friends first - I would get to know the person by going on dates in public and taking it at a reasonable pace as far as physical intimacy -or simply wait until you feel he is ready to date, then date. While you're "friends first" you'll have to hear about all his dates and interest in other women which likely would create some kind of resentment or taint a potential future for you two.