undercover007 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Going through a really rough patch.. it's been 4 months now since my ex-fiance left me. I was with him for 6 years (on & off) and met him when I was 19 which is pretty much all my early 20s. I've always been the relationship type girl or feel the need to have a guy in my life (I know.. sad). Even in high school I was with someone for 3 years.. broke up with him... and dated a bunch of different guys for a year.. then I met my now ex. I've always had some guy in my life even if I was single. After my ex left me, I was in a complete mess of course. This is not the first time he has done this though. After a week of crying my eyes out till I couldn't cry anymore.. I finally went out with a couple of my girl friends and got completely wasted at a club. Surprisingly, I didn't burst out into tears and just tried to have fun. Met a guy.. a very handsome guy... in fact totally my type. Ended up having a one night stand.. yeah not proud of that but I guess that was my way of coping. Hooked up with a couple times after but then found out he got back with his ex so that pretty much ended and I knew nothing serious was going to come out of it anyway. I had a couple of other guys that I met who were always in constant contact with me and trying to hang out but I just had no interest in them whatsoever. They were both very annoying and I decided to finally just cut them out of my life instead of leading them on. Now I have no guys that I talk to whatsoever... and no guy going after me. That makes me feel unattractive and that no one will ever want me. I'm really single now and it scares the sh*t out of me. I feel very alone and depressed. I'm trying everything possible to heal from this break up which is why I cut those guys out and am learning to really be single and not relying on others. I have stopped drinking (or at least drinking excessively cause it just makes things worse) and cutting back on the club/bar scene cause I just end up meeting skeezy guys. I'm reading self-help books and break up books to help me heal. I'm working out a lot more.. and just recently got a personal trainer that I'm going to see 3 times a week. I also got a new job last month (because I quit my other job due to the breakup).. and it's much better one with much nicer people. I started seeing a therapist.. but have only met with her once due to her busy schedule... but at least I am trying to get help. There are so many things that I want to work on about myself.. especially with my confidence and self-esteem. After my ex left me.. I was at an all time low. I thought to myself, it really can't get any worse than this can it? There are days when I feel like I can overcome anything and there are days where I just feel like my life is going nowhere and that it's not getting any better. Like today for instance.. I just felt miserable. I had to go to a family lunch and everything just annoyed me. I was in a bad mood pretty much all day and snapped at my mom a few times. I feel so alone... even though I have family and friends. Most of my friends, however, are in relationships and a lot of them just got married or are getting married which makes it even more depressing for me since that was my dream. It's been 4 months.. shouldn't things be getting better? I'm doing everything i can do to make myself better but why do I feel like it's not working and why do I feel like I'm stuck in such a rut?? and that things are just going to be like this forever... I hate being single... sorry just needed to vent... anyone out there feel the same way??
csr14 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I no longer feel this way but I've felt this a couple of times. I know you feel like your still in the same boat you were when you first broke up but your not. I can read between the lines and the fact that your having days that seem fine tells me you are improving. Its just hard for you to see because you still have bad days too. After time you will notice the "fine" days are exceeding the bad days. The fact that you were with this guy for so long tells me that you loved him very deeply and getting past that is going to take some time. After 4 months I think it's ok to start putting yourself out there again. You don't have to start looking for a relationship but just help to keep you busy and help heal your broken heart. I'm not saying pickup guys in the bar or find a rebound bc usually that kind of pickup is all about sex. Just start dating, get some free meals and meet some cool people. I think it's awesome that you are working on all this stuff to better yourself for you. Your going to feel alone for a while and since you were so in love there will be times that you miss him even years from now. 6 years is a good chunk of your young life. Burn lots of cd's with songs that remind you, you aren't alone and just keep on trucking. On the bad days pamper yourself - treat yourself to manicure or a new outfit. I know it sounds weird but it does help. Just know that you aren't alone and you will move on when you are ready. The only thing that's going to heal you is time and it might be a long time. My worst breakup took me 2 years to totally get over. Don't get me wrong - the hard stuff ended in about 6 months but I still wondered what he was doing and got a little jealous of his now wife when she would post pics of them on facebook. Just keep going and make the bad days a little better with an extra treat for you. I got out of a 4 year marriage/5 year relationship about 15 months ago and I never thought I would be happy again. It took time but in December I found the love of my life and have never been happier. Just remember, there is a light at the end of the heartbreak tunnel. Best of luck!
dasilver Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Break-ups are truly painful.... Take heart dear.... You were with him for 6 years. 4 Months of NC is nothing. This is a great time to be single and enjoy being alone for a while. Get to know yourself. It will be difficult but being alone also teaches you how to become dependent on only yourself. It will teach you how to love yourself and admire yourself and give yourself happiness. ...and please don't think you're not attractive just because there is no male attention around. I look in the mirror everyday and say to myself..."Self....you looking mighty fine today"..... You will heal from this... (((hugs))) =
kthomas5 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Break-ups are truly painful.... Take heart dear.... You were with him for 6 years. 4 Months of NC is nothing. This is a great time to be single and enjoy being alone for a while. Get to know yourself. It will be difficult but being alone also teaches you how to become dependent on only yourself. It will teach you how to love yourself and admire yourself and give yourself happiness. ...and please don't think you're not attractive just because there is no male attention around. I look in the mirror everyday and say to myself..."Self....you looking mighty fine today"..... You will heal from this... (((hugs))) = This really helped me. I'm going through something similar. I find myself running 6 miles a day (3 miles in the am/ 3 miles in the pm) just to try and ease the pain. It helps for that moment but when I'm alone it gets depressing.
Ms Darcy Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 We all have things in life to go through. For you, it sounds like you need to be alone for a while to learn how to live without a man and to find yourself beautiful without needing male reinforcement.
undercover007 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 csr glad you have found someone special. I still vision the love and life that I want... but sometimes it just seems so far and that I'm getting nowhere. Thank you for your encouragement
undercover007 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Break-ups are truly painful.... Take heart dear.... You were with him for 6 years. 4 Months of NC is nothing. This is a great time to be single and enjoy being alone for a while. Get to know yourself. It will be difficult but being alone also teaches you how to become dependent on only yourself. It will teach you how to love yourself and admire yourself and give yourself happiness. ...and please don't think you're not attractive just because there is no male attention around. I look in the mirror everyday and say to myself..."Self....you looking mighty fine today"..... You will heal from this... (((hugs))) = Thank you... that means a lot to me...
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