I'm not gonna... but I want to break NC BAD today.

[laura-j]

Hey kids,

Exactly one month since I last saw him... Been true NC for about 3 weeks (there were a few emails), might be the holiday and fireworks but boy did I want to talk to him today. My closest local friends were out of town so I had no party to go to or anything. I called all my "call me first people" and hid out in my house.

 

One friend said the best line ever "You do not call him on INDEPENDENCE day!!!" I laughed. I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel better, but boy oh boy have I wanted to call or text today.

 

I've been doing so good for the last week, I was surprised by the sudden need to contact him. If I still want to contact him in a week, I might, but I doubt I'll be dying to talk to him then.

 

Just needed to get that out.

[laura-j]

ARGH. Today is even worse. I saw him pop up on my chat list on gmail earlier, I had never ever seen him on my chat list, I almost threw up. It was everything I can do not to say hi. I didn't. I was good.

 

I can't believe I'm still such a wreck after almost 5 weeks from a 5 month relationship. I've been so good but today I totally want to cry. I hope I'm just pmsy... lol.

 

I think the hardest part is I have never in my life been blindsided. He told me that he did this to a girl once before and I was really worried, (pre BU) and he said he was young and would talk to me about anything so that never happened to me. I know he is in a world of ****e right now... depressed, has family, work, financial and self esteem issues... but I was in it to win it with him. And until the day before I thought he was with me.

 

I've been doing all the things, taking better care of myself, thinking of the stuff that wasn't "perfect" (people are human and no one is perfect), changing stuff that wasn't good, getting my hair all fixed up, lost some weight, stopped smoking, trying to go out on dates, even got a fab new job... and at the end of the day all I want to do is see him.

 

I can't believe I feel this way. Help!

[brickheart]

Laura, I totally understand (though I wasn't blindsided). I want to contact my ex, too. And I'm doing really well for myself - going to the gym, eating well, getting some new hobbies, volunteering... and it isn't enough. I want him in my life. Then all these activities would have so much more meaning.

 

Sorry that your'e suffering. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. ((hugs)) And please, for your sake... block him on gmail.

[laura-j]

I keep saying to myself if I want to talk to him I can call tomorrow, then tomorrow I'll say the same thing. It is so hard, so much harder than it should be.

[brickheart]

It's interesting... I use that same logic when I'm dieting. "I can do anything for a day," that kind of thing. I'm trying the mindset that I don't want to contact him while I'm fat - we met when I weighed about 20 pounds less, so I'm going to get back to that point THEN contact him! Of course, once I'm there, the idea is that hopefully I'll care a lot less than I do right now and it will be easier to continue not contacting him... Whatever works, right?

[laura-j]

Yep, whatever works, I'm so shocked how upset I still am, this wasn't a real long term relationship. But I felt safer with him than I had with anyone ... like ever. Damn this hurts.

 

The Ex said to two weeks before the break up that he wanted to lose 20 lbs cause he couldn't believe someone who looked like me would want to be with someone as fat as him. I honestly didn't care, I liked him just the way he is. What I'm saying is I'm sure you are gorgeous the way you are... but like you said... whatever works.

[brickheart]

Hey, my relationship was about six months long... and I felt the deepest connection I've felt with anyone. It feels really retarded to be this hurt over it. People keep being like "so you were with him for, what, two years?" and I keep having to say "less than a year..." But I tend to get really emotional about stuff, probably out of proportion. We can't help how we feel.

[laura-j]

Oh that makes me feel a lot better. Cause I feel like I'm a bit nuts. He was so solid until the last day or two. He had to go see his dad who has Alzheimer's the weekend before the break up and I think he just snapped. Us was the one thing he could control. I'd be really surprised if he didn't miss me a lot, I was the happy thing in his life. Which is what he told me all the time. This so sucks.

[pippy longstocking]

have you resisted laura ?

[laura-j]

Still resisting lovely star, working on my resolve... it's not the best, but I'm gonna get through this. I have to remember he knows where I am and if he wants to talk to me he will. So weird how you can be totally fine then BAM it hits you again. Like I said, hope I'm just pmsy.

[pippy longstocking]

yeah it is always worse at that time ..I am just coming to the end of that time .. its like having a volcano erupt inside your head and your vagina all at the same time great huh

 

every day is like a fecking award winning miracle when you can get yourself into bed and think " I held myself together , I can and will do this "

 

some days, even at the 6 months point that I am at, I still want to break NC .. but it is always from a wild place haha do you know what I mean

 

with my hair stood on end and spittle flying out my mouth , with my devils voice screaming I want to break NC.

 

 

 

you be proud laura ...another day done ...and you did it

 

 

oh and

 

lovely star,

 

I very much like this thankyou and think everyone should follow your lead ..with immediate effect

[secondchance67]

I think the hardest part is I have never in my life been blindsided. He told me that he did this to a girl once before and I was really worried, (pre BU) and he said he was young and would talk to me about anything so that never happened to me.

 

But he DID do it to you.

 

That alone should be enough motivation to not contact him; he "is who he is" ...he cannot help it or attempt to change something ingrained in him.

People can change, but it takes a huge effort to be self aware enough to realize it and then to act positively towards correcting the behavior....he clearly is not the type of person to do that.

 

He did this to someone before you.

 

He did this to you.

 

He will do this again, over and over........it's in his nature.

 

When you want to contact him, remind yourself of the disrespect and disappointment...remind yourself that its OK to miss him, but it was NOT OK for him to do what he did to you......you can miss the comfort and familiarity of the R/S, but certainly not the way he treated you in the end......let that be your reminder.

[laura-j]

Oh dear god. I did not break NC. HE DID!!!! In a sweet way. Oh dear god.

 

I ordered a present for him (pre BU, I'm not daft) couldn't cancel so had it sent directly to him and it arrived last week. (UPS number told me) I never told him it was coming and since I didn't hear from him about it... tried to put it out of my mind.

 

And then the sweet note came. DAMN IT!!!

 

Here is the note:

 

Hey (my name, not really laura),

 

How are things? Have you found your dream job yet?

 

So, a funny thing happened yesterday. I went to pick up a package that had been delivered and another, much cooler package was there too. This cooler package contained a (band name) Live at the (venue name) album on limited edition white vinyl. Pretty cool, eh? Do you happen to know anything about who might have sent it? Maybe a (band name) fan, who had been at that show with me? Whomever they are, they are a super cool human being. Let me know if you have any information, so I can thank this amazing person personally.

 

I hope all is well in your world. Hopefully I'll talk to you soon.

 

(his name)

 

Oh boy. I'm going to respond. Short/sweet say it's me and I'm glad he likes it and I got a fab new job. Then the ball is firmly back in his court. Funny thing is he says this happened yesterday... if he picked something up at the post office couldn't have been yesterday. It was 4th of July.

 

And he never said that kind of stuff to me in email pre BU. I'm a bit blown away and freaked out.

 

I agree SC67. Makes me worried, but I gotta know. And if he treats me poorly again I will know and I will be better at giving it up. And you will always be Lovely Star to me... (you must be Irish... no one can throw a feck like an Irishwoman)

[pippy longstocking]

haha ...funnily enough bio granparents where irish ..then came here and the brit chain started ...

 

 

whoooohhhhh bet that make your heart beat faster laura .... funny you wanting to do it all day and he does it !!

 

hey and nice pressie ..white vinyl .. I bet that made him think , such a personal well thought out pressie .

[laura-j]

Freaked me right out! Like I almost fainted. LOL. Seriously.

 

Not going to respond tonight, but i'll say something short and sweet tomorrow. I've been saying all along I'll respond to him but not contact him first.

 

So weird, calling me amazing. He's not a gusher. At all. And knowing him this has been in his draft email for about a week and a half. We are both dwellers, glad to see he's been dwelling too. (I know I'm reading in, but go with me for a sec) he even responded to the last email I sent him 2.5 weeks ago, meaning it was still in his inbox. Very easy to write a new email.

 

Not sure what he wants but I am to find out. Either go forward with him or get this behind me once and for all.

 

...I have Irish grandparents too, so I appreciate a good feck as much as the next girl.

[laura-j]

present was nice.. I ordered it two days before he dumped me. Awesome.

[pippy longstocking]

I have Irish grandparents too, so I appreciate a good feck as much as the next girl.

 

 

oh dear god

 

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

that's my girl ...

 

 

Not sure what he wants but I am to find out. Either go forward with him or get this behind me once and for all.

 

yes , that is all you can do ...keep us updated darling

[laura-j]

OK I replied this morning with this:

 

Hey there,

 

Things are good over here, I start at (new fab company) on the 16th, I'm very

excited. Six month gig to start. Patience and laziness win the day!

 

About this very cool package, I think I can trust you, but you have to

promise not tell (Ex's name). That super cool, amazing person? It's me.

Shhh.. our secret.

 

I hope things are starting to go better and you are feeling less funky

(... or more funky... cause funky is always a good thing, right?)

 

But seriously, I hope the pressie didn't seem too weird. I bought it

when I returned from my trip, I knew you were having a rough time with

your dad and all the other stuff. I thought a little surprise might

brighten your day. Sounds like it did, and that makes me happy.

 

Feel free to thank me personally any time.

(my first initial)

 

And now we wait.

[pippy longstocking]

yep I like it ....upbeat ..no stress ...fab

 

and we wait ................

[Mellie]

I've been doing all the things, taking better care of myself, thinking of the stuff that wasn't "perfect" (people are human and no one is perfect), changing stuff that wasn't good, getting my hair all fixed up, lost some weight, stopped smoking, trying to go out on dates, even got a fab new job... and at the end of the day all I want to do is see him.

 

Seriously, you've done all that? Give yourself a little credit - that's pretty impressive. Particularly giving up smoking at such a stressful time (I'm struggling with this myself. I'll do it. Tomorrow ).

 

You need to stop trying to analyse him, make excuses, rationalise, and all the rest of it. Running through the scenarios in your head. You'll drive yourself nuts. I say all this, but I've been doing the exact same thing all afternoon, and my relationship was briefer than yours. See the conclusion I've come to, the guy wasn't into me, period. He just stuck around long enough til he'd had his fill of what he wanted, and now he's moved on to pastures new. And I kind of knew all along he was fony. I got a warning from his own lips that he was a "bad boy". I don't know about anyone else, but I hear "bad boy" as emotionally stunted cretin. I thought "Oh, don't put yourself down, you're ok!".

 

I gave him too much credit. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. A part of me misses him, but then I imagine if I ever saw him again how I'd feel. It feels like any good feelings I had for him are all dead now. I think it's just pride that makes me want him back. And yes, rejection does make me wonder what was wrong with me, whether I'm lacking in some way, did/said something wrong. But you know, whatever. I was doing the best I could. You know, it really shouldn't be a struggle to get on. It should be easy, as early on as this, anyway.

 

Get him off your chat list.

 

*Didn't see the last bit. Keep us posted.

[laura-j]

Gawd, so he hasn't responded yet. OK only 24 hours, but come on man, let's do this one way or another.

 

I spent yesterday feeling sick and having honest to god panic attacks. Because I'm seriously torn in half of whether I'd give him another chance. Of course I miss him and he was great and he made me really happy 95% of the time, BUT he did dump me when things got crappy in is life... Red flag if there ever was one.

 

I feel really weird, he was saying sweeter things in his email than he did when we were together. He never called me amazing, he's not a gusher and that's his way. So I'm totally confused by the whole thing. Is he "just being nice" or what? I mean if he was just saying thanks, thanks would have sufficed. Oh god I feel sick again. hahahaha

 

And I have to go to a wedding solo today. Kill me.

[laura-j]

And still no response. I guess he didn't really want to thank that amazing person personally after all. So lame. It's all so so lame.

[einsteins_girl]

And still no response. I guess he didn't really want to thank that amazing person personally after all. So lame. It's all so so lame.

 

I'm sorry. {hugs}

[pippy longstocking]

I'm sorry. {hugs}

 

yeah me too darling ...you ok ?

 

hope you got through the wedding ok .

[calichick007]

Maybe the email itself was the personal thank you. That's the way I'd read it initially.