How Do You Break Out of the Miindset of Having to Be With Someone?

[BanalFlannel]

I read and hear it time and time again, that in order to be able to give and take in a healthy way in a relationship, you have to be happy with yourself. I'm just getting out of my first relationship and I see now that I wasn't ready for it at all and need to work on myself more.

 

Whenever I think about how I can improve myself though, its always with the idea of being in a relationship as some kind of long term reward for working on myself. I think that's partly ok, but I still feel like maybe I'm emphasizing that too much, that I should be helping myself just because I need it to be a better person. How can I approach self improvement in a more wholesome way is what I'm asking, I guess.

[Snowy]

I guess you are a bit insecure and want to seek validation from others in the form of a relationship, espeically when you've just come out of one.

 

You're not used to being single yet, but I think it will get better with some time.

[BanalFlannel]

I hope so. I've always had that yearning to have someone since I was in middle school. This relationship I was in has taught me so much about other people and myself but I still find myself in falling in that thought pattern of wanting someone so I feel accepted.

[Snowy]

It's totally normal to feel this way because relationships are a big part of achieving a sense of acceptance.

 

What aboout your friends and family? Can you seek some form of belonging with them?

[BanalFlannel]

Yeah I don't really have the best relationships with, well anyone now that I think about it. I have problems really sharing my problems.

 

But my family is always very loving so I'm going to try and spend some time at home now and then.

[Snowy]

Yeah I don't really have the best relationships with, well anyone now that I think about it. I have problems really sharing my problems.

 

But my family is always very loving so I'm going to try and spend some time at home now and then.

 

That's good. Spending time with family is always important.

 

Maybe you can go out a meet some new people and make a few friends too. Wish you luck.

[scared and alone]

I finally was able to be fine with being single (for the first time, like, ever) when I met my now husband. it sucked lol. I dont regret getting with him, but I am glad that I finally was able to be fine with being 100 % single. I was actually enjoying having that freedom. Go figure! I guess it kind of shows that you find someone when you ARE NOT looking, cuz I certainly was not. In fact, the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend.

[Angel Irulan]

Wow, this has been a tough one for me for the opposite reasons: I don't want to settle for the type of relationship that I really don't want over the long term. So I can go a long time without dating. And I'm comfortable with that. Perhaps you are ore comfortable as a couple. I don't see anything wrong with that if it's what you like. If it's what you feel.

 

Angel

[BanalFlannel]

I don't know if its good to feel that way though. I'd rather feel more at peace with myself

[itsallgrand]

I don't know if its good to feel that way though. I'd rather feel more at peace with myself

 

I spent YEARS, YEARS to learn to feel at peace with myself.

 

It was a tough ride but my god the rewards are awesome.

 

This is something that will impact my whole life. My whole life. Things change. People will come, people will go. In different ways.

 

But the one person who will always be there is you.

 

Earlier in my life, I had heard people talk about this and I was like "uh huh, uh huh, makes sense, yeah yeah". It seemed almost trite.

 

But there is an openness to me now that never existed before. It's like opening up the world afresh - and knowing I have the ability to do this, over and over again. Friggin' liberating!

[BanalFlannel]

What helped you to get to this point??