JGDude12 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Hi I'm currently dating a girl that I love ( not in love with) and we have a good healthy relationship. We've been dating for 15 months and have been very close friends the previous 2 years before dating. It's getting to the realization that she isn't someone who I want to spend a lot of my time with in the future. I'm young and going to College so a break up would happen eventually but our relationship is too good to end now. Just last week I hung out with a girl I almost dated before my girlfriend came along. The next night her boyfriend dumped her. Being a nice guy and just caring for her I comforted her in her time of need. I spent the next 3/5 nights with her just for whatever reason. I found myself lying to my girlfriend that I was hanging out with her. ( pretending to be asleep or doing something else) I felt guilty hanging out with her because I.knew I have feelings for her. Point being I think about her a lot with and without my girlfriend. Its wrong but I even text her more than my own girlfriend at times. I try to not think of her and its hard. As if she is an ex I'm trying to forget about. I tried ignoring it and doing new things with my current girlfriend but I still think about the other girl. I want to let the other girl know how I feel but I feel that it.wouldn't settle too well with her knowing I'm in a relationship. I just want to get this off my chest and tell her how I feel and see what happens.... Any Advice? I'm not IN LOVE with my girlfriend but I love and care about her This other girl, we almost dated but I screwed it up by.not making her my priority. It sucked losing on that chance with her but I moved on. what should I do?
Capricorn3 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 It's getting to the realization that she isn't someone who I want to spend a lot of my time with in the future. what should I do? This is real easy - you do the right thing and you break up with her. To be brutally honest, you are being incredibly selfish, more or less want your cake and eat it too. You're keeping your current girlfriend around "because the relationship is too good to end now, but a break up will eventually happen". ?? You don't see anything wrong with this?? Seriously? She doesn't deserve this (imo). Man up, do the right things and break up with her so that you are free to be with the girl who you "really" want to be with.
Citlali Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 You need to break up with your girlfriend now. Be honest and tell her how you feel. She deserves better than to be used as a safety net. You don't date someone just because they're there and it's convenient. It's incredibly inconsiderate and selfish of you. The longer you take the more it will hurt her as well, because she might be falling in love with you if she hasn't already. That's just wrong. Do what's right, stop lying to and using your girlfriend, and go be with the person you are really interested in.
The_Seeker Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Whoa, I totally feel bad for your girlfriend. You shouldn't have started a long term relationship with her if that's how you felt about her.
Ms Darcy Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I am not sure why you label yourself a nice guy. You are not in love with your girlfriend yet stringing her along because of your own personal desires. You are also considering emotionally cheating on your girlfriend with little thought about her feelings. I would encourage you to be a man and not a boy. In my book, a man has integrity. You break up with your girlfriend because you don't love her. You don't use another person due to convenience. You pursue the other girl and accept whatever happens there. Good luck.
peterj Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Basically going to repeat what others said, it's not fair to your girlfriend to string her along, you can't have your cake and eat it too, I'm speaking from experience. If you don't see the relationship going anywhere, you need to talk to her about it. You say you love your girlfriend, if that's true it means you also respect her, so she deserves to hear the truth. It will be much harder down the road if you let this go on, and you become unhappier. I have been there and I know the feeling, there's nothing wrong with having feelings for someone else, I believe it's human nature, but it is completely unfair to string your girlfriend along, especially lying to her to spend time with someone else, that's a very slippery slope. I'm guessing by your post that you're relatively young, late teens, early 20's? You have lots of time to figure out what you want out of a relationship, you're going to make mistakes and learn from them, you need to talk to your girlfriend, soon. It's not going to be easy, but it needs to be done, just be completely honest with her, even if she is hurt and upset, she likely will be, eventually she will respect the fact that you were honest. Who knows, maybe some years down the road you guys will try again
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