spektra Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My bff was desperate to be in a relationship. She would have gone with just anybody, as long as she could consider herself "taken". So a couple of months ago she started a relationship with some guy, totally wrong for her, but that's beside the point. This is the first time since I met her that I saw her in a relationship, I had some idea she is nutty when in love but didn't know exactly how much. Well, she is one of those psycho extremes. Fights with him daily over problems that exist only in her head (jealousy related), wants to see him daily and makes him feel guilty when he wants time for himself (so he started ignoring some of her calls), calls him 20+ times when they are not together, goes through his phone and Facebook daily, and questions every single female contact he has in there, and sometimes at night, after he goes home from the date, she goes back around his place to check if he's really home. She tells me all this, because when she's not with him, she is on the phone with me. OK, so that's none of my business really, if he stays, it's his problem. I'm not too fond of him, but I wonder why he is subjecting himself to this. But recently it went to her head the idea that he is hitting on me! I only see him once/week, when we all go out on weekends. He has honestly never, ever done or said anything remotely inappropriate to me, he is just treating me as a friend, only because I'm her bff. I don't even think he likes me that much. But she started reading things into nothings, and she convinced herself that now he wants to dump her to be with me, and she told him so! They are now having fights over me, but she says it's not me she's worried about, as she knows I would never do anything, but she worries about him. I have a feeling she will start telling him I don't like him just to make him really dislike me, which I'm afraid of, because let's just say he's not a peaceful man, and wouldn't hesitate to harm me or my car if need be. What can I do??? She doesn't want me to stop hanging out with them once/week, but then if I do, she imagines seeing things, and she starts biting his head off because "he's after me". I can't believe I'm dealing with this, we are all far from young and this is just sick. Any advice?
pinkelephant Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Have you tried telling her that she's acting crazy?
spektra Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Have you tried telling her that she's acting crazy? I tried but to no avail. She is just convinced she knows the truth and nothing can change her mind, there is no logic in her thoughts. She needed to be on medication a long time ago but she never acknowledges she has a problem (she also has suicidal tendencies).
pippy longstocking Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 It doesn't matter what she wants ..tell you her you DONT want to go out with them all anymore because she has now dragged you into her drama. Your only as involved as you allow yourself to be , you have to come first , your friend has problems , she clearly puts her self first , her thoughts first and her accusations first. She is not prepared to address the issues , so you address your own feelings ...get the hell out of there. Be kind to her but tell her you cannot carry on now she has involved you and your feelings. A friend is a friend for as long as your getting friendship ..what your getting is heartache , worry and stress...that is not a friendship. Tell her you will always be there for her but you need to leave them be to have their relationship as this is doing you no good... then be there to pick up the pieces when he calls her a crazy lady and walks ....which he will ..
pippy longstocking Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 OK, so that's none of my business really, if he stays, it's his problem. I'm not too fond of him, but I wonder why he is subjecting himself to this. we get what we put out ...and that is what she has got ..him ...and he probably enjoys her neediness and attention right now ..can you imagine how powerful he must feel with your friend ..he is like a god right now and her every thought and action is one of intense worry over losing him ..so he is right up there as king of the castle ....
spektra Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 we get what we put out ...and that is what she has got ..him ...and he probably enjoys her neediness and attention right now ..can you imagine how powerful he must feel with your friend ..he is like a god right now and her every thought and action is one of intense worry over losing him ..so he is right up there as king of the castle .... LOL...yes, totally...although I'd rather not be the queen of the castle if I have to sacrifice my freedom... But then again, I run for the hills at the slightest sign a guy may be too possessive or controlling. It's hard not to hang out with them, because we share the same circle of friends, so I'd have noone else to go out with. But I'll definitely keep my interactions with him to a minimum, even though that doesn't guarantee she won't "see" things.
pippy longstocking Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Then you have to learn to defend yourself and not give her your " ear" when she starts her rubbish ...
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Keep your distance from her. I had a friend who behaved this way and I remember at one point when they'd been dating 3 months and she was sure he was the one she said "well that's what works for us!" about their checking in with each other multiple times a day and bickering over made-up jealousy type drama. They got engaged a few weeks later, broke up a few months later. What I find in situations like that is if it doesn't work out the friend distances herself from those friends she confided in and gushed to because she's embarrassed (or is afraid of hearing "I told you so"). Also I would find the interactions you describe really boring - how often does she ask how you're doing or talk about non-boyfriend related topics?
spektra Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Also I would find the interactions you describe really boring - how often does she ask how you're doing or talk about non-boyfriend related topics? Ummm....almost never? Lol... I'm going through a very rough time myself, 2 major deaths and another one will happen very soon, all within 3 months, and she still wants me to discuss her b/f every day for hours. I know I'm not doing myself any favors, but I can't help it, I feel she's weaker than me therefore she needs support. It's very hard to make friends, so I'm trying my best to keep the ones I have. But I fear she will end the friendship anyway, because if she got it into her head that he likes me, nothing I do can ever change her mind, so I'm kinda stuck anyway
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