how to move forward

[people500]

Hey,

I want to keep this post kind of short. I feel so confused on what I want sometimes. I have a great job, and I enjoy working there most of the time. I have quite a few friends there and I enjoy talking to them and stuff. I usually leave there feeling good. On my days off I feel the opposite sometimes. I use to have friends that I hung out with a few times, but now they are all gone. It didn't seem to work out between us. So I basically just hangout with myself on my free time. I usually will go for a long walk then maybe I'll go to the movies, go bowling or to the arcade, also I take the bus to San Fransisco (I live pretty close) once in a while and spend the day there. I usually have my ipod with me too, and that makes it more enjoyable. I have fun but then I sometimes start to feel lonely. Then I'll think about the last friend I had and how I wish things would of worked out.

 

I think I'm pretty likable. I'm a really nice and positive guy, and I think I'm pretty good looking. I'm homosexual, I'm much more on the masculine side. I've never been in a relationship, never even kissed anyone. I think about it sometimes, but I'm not in a rush at all. I also am not into drinking or partying at all. I turned 21 a few weeks ago and decided I don't want to get involved with it. So I am kind of different in a way, but I have a pretty good head on my shoulder.

 

I've never really gotten to close to anyone. I was homeschooled almost my whole life, but thanks to my job I do have some friends now. But it's all just at work. I've hungout with people like 2 or 3 times and then our friendship ends. It hurts, I thought I got along pretty well with them. I want to have good friends but, I have felt like giving up for now. I've figured I should just do my own thing, but it's becoming harder and harder now. I do all that different stuff but it's just not as enjoyable as it use to be. I just wish I could have my old friends back but I know that will never happen. I feel I could learn so much from having friends outside of work. All I've known is just what I like and am use to. If you guys have any advice or input I'd really appreciate it. I just want to get somewhere with this, but I don't know what I should do. Thanks! Feel free to ask some questions. I made this pretty short, but I could go into more detail on things.

[RockSteady]

You just need to find out what you want from life. I can't really make a judgment call on whether we have similar lives, I'm also a gay guy, I'm 18, but I'm not really anything. I'm not really masculine or feminine. I don't really have many hobbies or interests. I'm a pretty boring person all-round. To be honest, the only thing I've really been doing these past few days is searching through Spotify for new indie music.

 

I'm not so much into drinking or partying either, but I do it occasionally as a leverage for making new friends. Although, to be completely honest, I don't really have many close friends. I'm somewhat dismissive, and normally I'll just not follow up on things if I get bored with people.

 

I guess you really just need to find out what you want from life.

 

Something I've constantly found with people is that when they're depressed, it more or less stems from bad habit. It doesn't matter if the depression is caused by loss, feeling incapable, boredom, stress, lack of direction, etc etc, or some combination of all of them, it generally results from routine.

 

People all grow accustomed to routine, it's in human nature. Every time I say that, I always think of the Simpsons episode where Marge get's all bad ass after she realizes that her entire marriage has been one big routine, and that she made a trail mark in the carpet because of how she even walked in the same place every single day after doing the washing.

 

One day I decided to be spontaneous and crash a fourth year psychology lecture at my university, and they were doing a class on child psychology and how the prefrontal cortex of the brain develops. They said that after the age of 5, children become very accustomed to doing things in a pattern, and the amount of spontaneous things they do per day decreases over time until eventually they fall into a state of habitualization, where they've become complete zombies, unable to do things differently, and see all things as the same. It also inhibits a concept called defamiliarization, which is the ability to see every day ordinary things in a new light.

 

Try looking around you, and you'll see very ordinary things. Try taking those things out of context and notice something different about them. I used to walk past flyers and abandoned houses before without even thinking of doing exploring something new. I can't say that doing that is what'll work for you, there's no one-size-fits-all remedy that can be applied to your problems and everyone else's.

 

I sometimes meet new people at rallies and gatherings. I try to go alone so that I don't hang out with one person the entire time. It forces me to talk to people so that I don't look like an antisocial weirdo.

 

You need to find out what you want from life, and then do whatever it takes to get it. I can't tell you what to do or how to do it, because you'll find different things more difficult than I did.

 

It really sounds like you need a break from your mundane life. Just a suggestion, but go on a trip somewhere? If you can't afford to go overseas, get one or two of your friends, get them to bring a friend, and carpool to a rural area or a different state? You're lucky you're in America, America is hella big. In New Zealand we have a very limited amount of places we can visit.

 

I'm the least out-doorsy person in the world, but sometimes I go on tramps or hikes with people who are. Not because I enjoy it, but just because it gives me something to do. I really can't stand having absolutely nothing to do. Which is why I go to every single convention, town event, gay pride, or whatever, even if it's not my thing.

 

Hope that helps?

 

Also, if you're into indie music or whatever, I can try to introduce you to new bands.