Wife possibly meeting up with guys from the internet?

[Thyrial]

Hi all,

 

I hope this is the right section to post in. If not, I apologise. Right now.. I just don't know where to turn, I feel like my marriage is about to fall apart. I apologise in advance for the lengthy post.

 

Firstly, some background history.

 

I met my wife online originally back in 2009, then got together a year later in 2010. Unfortunately, she lived in the US, while I lived in the UK. We did get together in person quite a few times, and everything was always amazing. We were pretty much inseperable. We tied the knot last year in October during one of my many visits to see her in the US, and began making plans on where to settle down together. After I returned home from visiting her for a month in May of this year, we began to settle on the idea of me moving there to be with her, which I'm okay with. (I love the US after all)

In the meantime though, we pretty much spent each day talking to each other on Skype, aswell as often playing some MMORPGs together. (We're both nerds!) These little things really helped with the distance, and helped keep us close as a couple.

 

Anyway, in order to begin the Visa application process to move me there, she is required to get a passport photo of herself. We originally tried to begin the process at the very end of May.. I sent over my forms to her, did plenty of research.. etc. She on the other hand.. hasn't done a thing. It's been over a month now, and she still hasn't gotten her photo, even though there's a place not far from where she lives where they handle passport photos. I've asked her repeatedly about it, but she always has an excuse, and promises me she'll get it shortly. She still hasn't though til this day.

 

Last Wednesday though, a male friend of hers who she hadn't spoken to in years, called her up and asked her if she wanted to goto his for a few drinks. She of course, went, and came back around 12am. Again, I wasn't going to stand in her way of seeing a friend.. however, what happened next was what crossed the line for me. She tells me shortly after she gets back (over Skype), that he'd like to get together with her again for a night of drinking, only this time.. he wanted her to stay the night, cause he didn't want to drive her home whilst drunk, apparently. (even though she claimed that he lived nearby, she changed that story when I asked why she couldn't walk home)

To me, this was a bit too much. Sure, they could just be friends.. but from what I've seen, when a guy wants to get a girl drunk and have her stay all night, it's usually for one reason only. (no offense to guys who aren't like this) I tried to tell her that I was against the idea, but she simply gave me the "I'd trust you if you did the same" speech, and basically made me feel like I don't trust her at all. Thing is, I do trust her.. but, I feel this is really pushing the limits here. Especially when alcohol is involved. She eventually claimed she wouldn't go, although she seemed pretty angry about it. Unfortunately though with me still being in the UK right now, I have no idea whether she'll actually stick to her words or not.

 

It gets worse, sadly. I discovered a couple of nights ago that she'd made a post on 4chan. (a message board, not known to be the friendliest part of the internet..) She simply put down her age, sex and location and said she'd be up for meeting anyone. Again.. this sort of behaviour seems quite alarming to me. Furthermore, a guy responds to her and exchanges IM info with her. The worst part of all is, this happened last Tuesday.. the day before she went out with that 'old friend' of hers. I did wonder whether she went out with the guy from 4chan or not, but.. sadly I lack any evidence to prove it.

Then just last night, I noticed some guy posted a comment in regards to a woman he met from that particular board recently, saying how she was really into him and whatnot. The worst part is.. he described the woman in detail, and well.. I can pretty much say that the woman he described easily matched the description of my wife. If it was infact my wife that he was talking about, that confirms that she didn't go out with an 'old friend' like she claimed, but rather.. with a complete random stranger from the internet.

 

I really don't know what to do right now.. the fact is, although things are clearly looking bad, I lack concrete evidence to confront her directly about it. I would contact the guy in question to verify without a doubt whether it was my wife or not he went out with that night, but.. sadly that particular website lacks Private Messaging, so I have no way of contacting him. I want to confront my wife as soon as I can about this, but I'm not sure if my current evidence is strong enough, so she'll most likely just deny all of it. The fact is, it MAY be possible that she didn't meet this guy, but.. the fact she'd post on that place alone saying she'd be up for meeting people in her area, seems like a red flag to me alone. Also the fact this guy later posts up a matching description of her also makes me suspicious. I should also mention at this point that she is completely unaware that I know about her activity on 4chan.

 

Am I right for thinking that these are all bad signs.. or, am I just being exceptionally paranoid?

 

Thanks to anyone who can offer advice, or their opinion.

[offplanet]

She doesn't seem to be very committed to you. Actions speak louder than words. She hasn't bothered getting the passport organized, and she's interested in going out drinking with other guys, and putting herself on a site to meet guys. Those are obvious signs that she's not committed to you. Also, the lying and making excuses is a bad sign. It might be better in the long run if she doesn't get the passport. Sorry to say but I think you'd be better off without someone who acts like that.

[lavenderdove]

OK, most people who married would do anything the could to bring the spouse over as soon as possible... so if she is stalling and not even making attempts to bring you over, then sadly i suspect she is having second thoughts about the marriage... perhaps she is just very impulsive, and jumped in without too much thought, and now is having second thoughts.

 

And no, it is NOT normal for a married woman to go on an all night drinking binge with another guy. Ridiculous idea! I suspect she is shoppig for a replacement and once she has a new BF firmly in hand she may tell you she's changed her mind about the marriage.

 

I would just start being really honest with her. Ask her why she is not filing those papers. If she has time for drunken overnighters with other guys, she could certainly find time to fill out paperwork and submit. Ask her openly if she is having second thoughts about the marriage and wanting you to move to the U.S. to be with her. And tell her that you feel her desire to hang out and drink with other men is a really bad sign in a newlywed, and that if she wants out of the marriage, then you both shouldn't waste any time or having you move to the U.S. and should just file for divorce.