Not sure how I should feel...

[bluevision10s]

Hey everyone. I'm not sure how I should feel about this I guess I just need some advice from some people who have more experience with dating ,relationships or life in general.

 

Just a few days ago I turned 26 and I've never been in a relationship before. And its starting to get to me. Ive never experienced pressure to have a girlfriend before but now that I'm older and people my age are starting to get married and settle down in long term serious relationships I feel like I'm not playing the game of life correctly. I feel like I should have atleast have had one girlfriend by now. I didn't pursue any girls in college because I had my own personal issues to deal with. And I didn't want to bring a girl into my life when I wasn't ready. I wonder now if that was a mistake. Was it? Cause now I'm feeling very left out. I basically don't use facebook anymore because I constantly kept comparing myself with other people and I found that to be very unhealthy but today I checked it out and I just don't know how to make myself feel better.

 

I am worried that I may not find someone but at the same time I don't want to panic because then I may end up rushing into something I don't want or don't need. I've read that some people say its better to be single than be in a relationship with the wrong person. I guess what I want is to find that balance where I live my life and enjoy it whether I find a relationship or not. I am honestly looking for a relationship but I just don't know how to handle this pressure since I'm getting older.

 

Can anyone help me just feel better? I have anxiety about this how do I deal with it? I had probably 3 oppurtunities to be in a relationship but I passed on them and now I'm wondering if I should have tried for a relationship. Did I make the wrong decision?

[tallydoo]

Why don't you try a dating website? Get your feet wet a little bit?

 

As far as the missed opportunities, let them go. They're long past. Just stay focused on the present and future right now.

[SuperDuper]

First thing you have to understand is that you are still considered a young man in society, with virtually his entire adult life ahead of him. Secondly, you have to stop comparing yourself to other people because there isn't a correct way to live your life. You can be your own best friend, or worst enemy and right now it seems like YOU are the one pressuring yourself. None of us here can tell you if it was right or wrong that you didn't pursue a relationship in the past... there's a chance that if you did date a girl in the past she could have broken your heart BIG TIME and you'd be an emotional wreck right now. Instead, you're a man with a clean slate who has simply focused on his own well being until now -- that's commendable.

 

Stop looking at your peers and thinking "I should be in that position"... because if you're trying to attain something that isn't truly a product of you then you'll likely be trying to appeal to what you feel is an "ideal" for your age. This ideal will constantly be changing as you mature and you'll find yourself running around trying to appeal to other people's lives/positions while ultimately you'll end up unfulfilled because you're not following your own path.

 

Right now it seems you look towards externalities (peers/facebook) for self-validation, where all along the answer is within yourself. You don't need women, a relationship, or memories of such to be a confident, secure person. Create value in your life by doing things you enjoy and everything will fall into place from there. The harder you're trying to find a relationship, the less natural you'll likely be, and the further away you'll be from finding who you naturally should be with.

 

Instead, pursue your interests and start chatting up more women. Enjoy being single because you'll likely be tied down before you know it. There's barely anything more attractive to a woman than a man who has ambition and direction in his life. Be confident with yourself and women will likely flock to you in no time.

[Messiah]

Well, don't look back on those missed opportunities. If you had reasons not to get involved, I'm sure you made the right decision. Now you're at a place in your life where you do want a relationship, so if you get any opportunities, you might want to hop on them. Even if it's not miss perfect, it might be really good for your self esteem to at least try it out to see what you believe you've been missing out on. Shoot maybe you'll try it and long for this single life again. In the grand scheme of things 26 is young. You likely have a full life ahead of you and I'm sure you'll probably meet somebody one day. Shoot, if you're so eager to meet people take now to use every opportunity you can get to meet new people: clubs, organizations, dating websites, a part time job, a class, any place really.

[bluevision10s]

Wow, you really made me feel alot better. I've been starting to notice this trend of looking at my peers for self-validation. I'm going to do my best to not do this anymore because your right I will be thinking this way my entire life and that would be completely unfulfilling. I'm going to try to pursue my own interests and start chatting up more women. I've already joined a couple classes at my local community college. One is a basketball class and the other is yoga. I think that will give me an opportunity to meet guys and girls. But once again your exactly right I need to find my own way. Thanks.