RitaTrue Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt although it may have been dumb of me but When I caught her she was fully dressed and just laying accross his bed watching tv. I asked him why she was in his bedroom and he said that's where she felt comfortable, and he swore up and down he didn't sleep with her Share No single woman should ever be ALONE with an attached man in his bedroom like that. A bedroom is a place of intimacy meant for you and him. Not you, him, her, and the next skank after. Any other part of the house...possibly. Not the bedroom.
Sapientia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I don't think cheating is about winning. =/ Agreed. You dodged a bullet. Think of cheating like a flypaper test for asshats. If they stick... well one less pest buzzing around you.
lovinggirl Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I recently read a quote "If a girl ever steals your man, there's no better revenge than letting her keep him. REAL men can't be stolen." I like this so much. It's so true...
Ladytmt Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 No single woman should ever be ALONE with an attached man in his bedroom like that. A bedroom is a place of intimacy meant for you and him. Not you, him, her, and the next skank after. Any other part of the house...possibly. Not the bedroom. Very true, and as a woman if I were her I'd have to step back and say I wouldn't want a dude that is attached. That's why I feel like they both disrespected me!!
lavenderdove Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Won what? All she's won is a guy who cheats and lies! That certainly is no prize. And this isn't a contest between you and some other woman... It's about the fact that he is not someone who was committed to you or willing to stay monogamous in a relationship with you. If he can't stay monogamous with you, I sincerely doubt he'll stay that way with anyone else either. Cheaters do sometimes end up with their affair partner not becuase of any great attraction to them, but because romantic partners are all interchangeable parts to them and one is as good as another (for now) and they just rotate people in and out of that role as they get bored or circumstances change. So she didn't 'steal' him from you, he chose to rotate you out and another woman in... and someday he'll most likely rotate her out too! People get too bent out of shape over the idea of cheating 'disrespecting' you. Remember that he isn't a piece of property that you legally own and relationships, especially those where you aren't married, are optional and a choice. And the real issue is the guy you were with is a cheater and is cheating because he likes the sexual stimulation and excitement, not out of any big intent to 'disrespect' you. Neither of them intends to disrespect you (him or the other woman), they are just selfishly chasing their own whims and sexual appetites. It's more about selfishness on his part than anything else and has nothing to do with respecting you or not. So don't waste a lot of time being angry about being 'disrespected' because what they did wasn't about you at all, it was about their own attraction and weak characters that led them to do this before honorably breaking it off with you.
Ladytmt Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 I just don't understand why he didn't think i was good enough to work things out with. I understand relationships are optional but marrying her? What makes her marriage material? This us why I start to blame myself because it's like saying she's good enough to work things out with when problems arise and I wasn't!! I don't know maybe after I caught him With her maybe he felt like the trust was gone, I just can't stop feeling bad!
Eaudesource Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 No YOU win. You freed yourself from someone who doesn't deserve you and now you have an opportunity to find someone who won't cheat on you. I bet in the future he will be cheating on his now fiance and you will be comfortable in a great relationship with someone else.
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 You are the winner. You get rid of an unfaithful loser. That means YOU are the WINNER...wow is she gonna show off to her friends how she stole a guy off someone and five minutes later there engaged? hardly.
Ms Darcy Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I notice that you are not responding to the posts that say that you should be angry at him versus at her. I hope you can redirect your energy from wanting him to wanting better.
becomingkate Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Agree with everyone else - you win! I'm so sorry that your ex treated you that way but it seems as though they are made for each other. And karma is always there, just waiting for an opportunity like this... I'm glad that your ex made the right decision and let you go so that you can find a real man. Best wishes!
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 No YOU win. You freed yourself from someone who doesn't deserve you and now you have an opportunity to find someone who won't cheat on you. I bet in the future he will be cheating on his now fiance and you will be comfortable in a great relationship with someone else. I certainly hope so ! I hope I find someone to make me forget all about him...he was someone who didn't like to be questioned, for whatever reason I don't feel he ever tru;y loved me even though he would constantly tell me he did!
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Agree with everyone else - you win! I'm so sorry that your ex treated you that way but it seems as though they are made for each other. And karma is always there, just waiting for an opportunity like this... I'm glad that your ex made the right decision and let you go so that you can find a real man. Best wishes! Thanks! She is certainly in for it because she is being blinded right now!!!
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 You are the winner. You get rid of an unfaithful loser. That means YOU are the WINNER...wow is she gonna show off to her friends how she stole a guy off someone and five minutes later there engaged? hardly. LOL!!! I love it. She thinks she has something special.
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I notice that you are not responding to the posts that say that you should be angry at him versus at her. I hope you can redirect your energy from wanting him to wanting better. Im really angry at both to be honest. I just would think someone with her background would have more respect but she is a bit young, so this engagement may even be her first relationship....
HeartGoesOn Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Im really angry at both to be honest. I just would think someone with her background would have more respect but she is a bit young, so this engagement may even be her first relationship.... I think you have a better chance of coming to terms with this if you direct your anger at him, where it belongs.
Sapientia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I just don't understand why he didn't think i was good enough to work things out with. I understand relationships are optional but marrying her? What makes her marriage material? Who knows? Maybe he senses he is more likely to get away with cheating on her. Or they share a similar (lack of) values. But you need to do what Darcy said and focus on wanting better. If he dumped this other woman and begged to marry you, would you really take him back? I doubt it. You need to shrug him off and move on.
bulletproof Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I just don't understand why he didn't think i was good enough to work things out with. I understand relationships are optional but marrying her? What makes her marriage material? This doesn't mean anything about whether you're "good enough." It means that he was not committed, and that is about him. There is no black and white divide between "marriage material" and "non-marriage material." Life doesn't work that way. There are too many people with individual tastes. I also agree with those who say he is the person to be disappointed in, not her. She was not dating you.
lalalollipops Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 When I found out about my ex cheating on me through the whole relationship, I honestly wasn't ever mad at the other women (cos I figured if it wasn't them it would have been sb else). They didn't owe me anything, only my bf owed me his loyalty- thus I didn't bother with the girls but focused everything on him. This guy obviously will never be able to commit. I think you dodged a huge bullet. Not getting a ring isn't sth you should be sad about. A ring is just an object- it doesn't mean anything to him obviously. Just be glad you didn't end up with an unfaithful, depraved husbund.
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I think you have a better chance of coming to terms with this if you direct your anger at him, where it belongs. You're right! My therapist even told me the same thing!
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 When I found out about my ex cheating on me through the whole relationship, I honestly wasn't ever mad at the other women (cos I figured if it wasn't them it would have been sb else). They didn't owe me anything, only my bf owed me his loyalty- thus I didn't bother with the girls but focused everything on him. This guy obviously will never be able to commit. I think you dodged a huge bullet. Not getting a ring isn't sth you should be sad about. A ring is just an object- it doesn't mean anything to him obviously. Just be glad you didn't end up with an unfaithful, depraved husbund. Thank you! Its probably the same ring that he tried to give to the girl who turned him down 10 years ago for someone else! I think my biggest problem is the betrayal, how he mis handled things and never took the blame and that I put all my trust in him
Ladytmt Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Who knows? Maybe he senses he is more likely to get away with cheating on her. Or they share a similar (lack of) values. But you need to do what Darcy said and focus on wanting better. If he dumped this other woman and begged to marry you, would you really take him back? I doubt it. You need to shrug him off and move on. You know i used to ask myself what I would do if he tried to come back..months ago I probably would have but now I dont think so. SHe is a lot younger than him and she probably does not expect much. He was someone who did not like to be questioned...maybe she doesnt quesition him. I also know she works with a few of his male friends so I kind of think they encouraged this relaitonship and I think they met at a party one of his friends had ( THAT I WASNT INVITED TOO)))
Sapientia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 So there you go. She's a lot younger than him, therefore more susceptible to his control. Its clearly what he thinks he wants to be happy and perhaps she wants someone who will control her. They sound perfect for each other. He was going to make you miserable. Be glad you are free to move on and find someone more compatible.
Ladytmt Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 So there you go. She's a lot younger than him, therefore more susceptible to his control. Its clearly what he thinks he wants to be happy and perhaps she wants someone who will control her. They sound perfect for each other. He was going to make you miserable. Be glad you are free to move on and find someone more compatible. Thanks! U r right, I think she can be easily manipulated and I wasn't having that so I guess that's why we always argued! He used to get mad at me because I wouldn't drink to get drunk and act crazy at get togethers! I'm nit a drinker and never have been and I dont feel the need to be drunk to have a good time or impress his friends!!
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