NjoyStick Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Hey everybody, Something has been on my mind for a while now and i'm really wondering... I've read alot of stories on this forum and also on other websites, i've seen lot's of stories from dumpers and dumpees but it's the dumper's story that makes me questions certain things... How come that when a dumper tells his or her story, they tell that they dumped someone that really loved them and they love that person, they had a great connection with that person, they are soul mates and share interests and stuff like that, they talk very positive about the dumpee but somehow they always end with: "but i would never take them back, ever". Even when they say that the person is perfect for them in every way, they still choose to go on without them, what the.... If you find someone that is pretty much perfect for you, why dump them?
BrianH46 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Through the course of the relationship I often notice that the dumper loses respect/attraction for the dumpee not enough to warrant no longer loving them but the spark is long gone.
NjoyStick Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Ok, and they emotionally distance themselves a few weeks before breaking up while still acting like they love you?
abitbroken Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Ok, and they emotionally distance themselves a few weeks before breaking up while still acting like they love you? they still do love you, but for whatever reason can no longer continue the relationship because of the fighting or because they have determined that you are incompatible or want different things. During this time they may still be figuring out what to do. Notall dumpers just "don't love you anymore"
dasilver Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 There a many reasons why someone could love you, have a great connection with you along with common interests…but just wouldn’t date you….(again) Cheating, constant lying, drug or alcohol abuse, incompatible characters. The list goes on. Love doesn't always conquer all as some would say.....
NjoyStick Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I know what you mean, ofcourse they still love you in a certain way but they just stopped loving you in that special way...
NjoyStick Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 True, but if you are in a relationship with someone that shares the same interests, doesn't have those bad habits (drugs, alcohol or being abusive) and you just have that special click... Then you get dumped for someone who is the opposite of what you are, isn't that kinda weird?
dasilver Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 True, but if you are in a relationship with someone that shares the same interests, doesn't have those bad habits (drugs, alcohol or being abusive) and you just have that special click... Then you get dumped for someone who is the opposite of what you are, isn't that kinda weird? Life itself is weird. People do the darndest things... Nothing in life is predictable...especially human behavior I've stopped scratching my head as to why people do the things they do. Why?...because sometimes they don't even know why.
NjoyStick Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 That's so true, when you try to get an explanation of why people do certain things they just come up with some lame excuse and continue to hurt you....
BrianH46 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Ok, and they emotionally distance themselves a few weeks before breaking up while still acting like they love you? Yup, just go and read the breakup stories on here. Bottom line though, they no longer want to be with you.
Rostik77 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Honestly, i think they do it out of respect. I mean if i were to break up with someone i no longer had feelings for i wouldn't put them down for it. They're still a great person Like the above post said "theres no spark".
Tearsbegone Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I think sometimes they (the dumper) are going through their own issues and actually project it onto you or the relationship without realizing it. That's why many come back and realize it was a mistake because they were not aware enough that they weren't dealing with their own issues and took it out on the relationship.
quirky Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Sometimes people just want something different rather than something better.
Sportster2005 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I believe dumpers simply never tell you why you are being dumped. Most care for you on some level and want to let you down gently. Hence the mixed message of your wonderful but I'm leaving. Do you really need to hear you just don't measure up anymore? That someone else caught their eye? I actually prefer a simple good bye. I don't want a reason. The important message is they are leaving. At that point why is irrelevant. Time to have a good cry and move on. My recent break up went like this. Her: You are such a wonderful guy, and there's so much I want to say to you.. Me Interrupting: If you have made up your mind and it's over nothing else needs to be said. It simply doesn't matter. She got out of the car. I drove away. Haven't seen her since. Talked about 5 minutes on the phone. That was it. I guess my point is it doesn't matter what they say. It's their actions that matter. And if that action is dumping you than that's all that matters. I recommend no speeches, no closure foolishness, no long good-byes. Tear that band-aid of and get on with it. If you choose to listen you will hear all the canned break up lingo. It's not you it's me. I'm complicated. You deserve someone better. I think I'm making a mistake.... blah blah blah. Or even worse they will tell you the truth
dasilver Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Sometimes people just want something different rather than something better. Well said....
dasilver Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Yes i can do this...if i'm made of steel.... I admire your strength....
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