Change - normal to go to an extreme?

[Celadon]

I recently realized that I take just about everything seriously, which is why I'm often irritated, critical and overwhelmed. So I knew I needed to change. I needed to take only a very few things in my life seriously and everything else "doesn't matter."

 

Do you think it's normal to go to an extreme (in my case, in my attitude) in order to settle back into a better balance than you had before? Does that "work" psychologically?

 

One area I'm focusing on is with people. I tend to feel overly responsible for people - I worry how they're feeling during our conversation (these are not life-and-death conversations, mind you), or I worry how I'm coming off, or I feel the burden to make sure everyone feels included in a group. That kind of thing.

 

But now, I've decided to not care, except for with really close friends. In a way, it's like I'm deciding to stop paying attention to social dynamics. I'll talk to people but won't concern myself with "building up" our relationship, if that makes sense. I'll just shoot the breeze with them and be on my way.

 

I'm hoping this will help me get to a better, healthier place. Have you ever gone to an extreme in order to change? Did you experience any downsides or do you see any downsides to doing this?

[abitbroken]

I think the key isn't "not caring," it is getting more secure about yourself. When you do, you won't feel the need to be validated by others. You won't worry about how satisfied someone is with the conversation, etc, or worry about how you are coming off constantly. It IS admirable to reach out and make sure people are included, though - it helps you meet people, etc, especially when you make sure that shy person or that person who is viewed as "different" is included if they desire as long as it is not obsessive and you have to make sure EVERYONE is included at all times.

[jumper11]

My input is exactly what abitbroken said.

[Celadon]

Thanks, abitbroken. After thinking some more about my OP and your post, I should clarify that what I'm feeling is "being responsible for" people or the outcome of the conversation. It's not so much "OMG what're people thinking of me," it's more like I always feel I need to "work" the conversation to achieve the goal of our being both satisfied with it, if that makes sense. So when I say I'm trying to "not care" it's that I want to "not act like I'm responsible" anymore -- other than to say what I think.

 

Still wondering about going to an extreme and whether that works for people...