ADHD and Sex

[BluePanda]

My boyfriend and I can never have sex on a schedule, and I usually have to ask or initiate for it to happen. I get the whole spontaneity thing, but if it isn't planned it almost never happens. There are just too many other things on his mind. Even if sex would only take a few minutes he will constantly be like "oh I have to get this done, or i forgot to do this, or I'm trying to do this".

 

I don't think he is cheating on me but it has crossed my mind. I hear ADHD folks have a higher rate of infidelity...

 

When sex does happen there is little foreplay involved and it is SO disheartening. It's like he has to do it and it get it done now, we can't take our time and for me, this means less enjoyment. He also loses his erection very fast. If the phone rings or if there are any distractions period (little ones like a noise outside or even if something in the room catches his attention) then his erection is gone and we have to start over, although half the time he gets frustrated and doesn't want to. He won't kiss for extended periods... that really hurts. All these little things add up and just ruin the sexual part of this relationship.

 

Sometimes when i ask for sex he'll be too focused on something else or say it'll happen later but it never does.

 

It's like this all the time and I don't know what to do. He isn't on any type of medication. He used to take it and says it makes him feel like a zombie.

 

Any ideas??? I know the guys loves me, it's just this one part of our relationship that is killing me. Unfortunately it's a big part, especially since we're both young.

[SuperDuper]

If you are comfortable enough with him to have sex then you should be comfortable enough to discuss this issue. Sit him down and let him know that you love it when you two can be passionate. Tell him that you would really like to have sex more often and that you see it as a big part of the relationship.

 

Everyone in my opinion deserves a heart-to-heart, but if he's not willing to even try to alter his behaviour (for the benefit of the relationship) then he'll likely need to be dumped to even realize his behaviour. He could be cheating, he could be losing interest. It could be any number of things but I think you need to discuss this with him first.

 

The fact that he doesn't want to be intimate (foreplay, kissing, sex) could stem from a larger issue that could pop up later if not addressed sooner than later.

[sodizzy]

I have ADHD and it doesn't affect my sex life at all. In fact, the meds I take seem to increase my drive. I'm not sure that's your issue.

 

Just saw he's not on meds. Weird that they would make him feel like a zombie. The meds do opposite for me. They make me more alert and focused but not zombie like. If anything I have more energy.

 

I agree - talk to him. If not - that's going to be a deal breaker. You need intimacy in your life and this will get worse.