Farewell kiss? What do I do now...

[blacklantana]

Tonight, after 3+ years of going back n' forth, I led in for a kiss (probably a big mistake). She was telling me she wants to be stay my friend and at least be cordial with her once in a while, but I told her I couldn't do that. That I loved her and that I wouldn't be able to stay her friend, because it would just remind me of what I've lost. That it would be too hard for me and to respect that... And if y'all remember from my last posts, yes this is the same girl. The same girl you told me was no good, but I trusted her to change.

 

Although I didn't think she would change, I gave it one last ditch effort, but she said she was done. That I was "mean" to her one too many times. And to define "mean", it was basically that I told her when she was being selfish and/or disrespectful at times she was actually being those things.

 

So I don't know what to do now. She just left my house, and I feel stupid for kissing her. She was saying how she wanted to leave and I told her not to, so we can discuss this further, and I kind of pulled her back and we both looked at each other and I just kissed her. She kissed me back and we were kissing for 10+ seconds, and it was surprising. She then proceeded to say she needs to go, and I finally just let her go.

 

I want so bad to contact her and tell her that we could try one more time, but she just doesn't want to. And it's because we supposedly don't see eye to eye on things, but I don't buy that. I don't know what to do

[lavenderdove]

I think sadly she has been quite clear that she is not interested in a romantic relationship with you... i don't think the kiss was 'wrong' per se, but it showed that you were not really 'hearing' what she was saying and were instead just still trying to romance her with a kiss when she just told you it is not romance she wants.

 

You are saying that you believe you see eye to eye on things, but you just wrote off everything she just said as if she hadn't said it. So you are not 'buying' her feelings and what she is telling you. That is a common mistake in relationships, to not really hear what another person is saying because it disagrees with the script running in your own head. And two people are different, and you can be feeling one thing, while someone else feels something else entirely.

 

So I think you should just really respect what she told you (and believe it) unless she tells you otherwise. I suggest you go into no contact with her, and tell her that if she changes her mind to call you. Perhaps if she has a chance to really miss you she might change her mind, but it usually only irritates exes if you continue to try to pursue them and kiss them etc. if they say they are done.

[blacklantana]

It's just weird, because a week prior to that, and months before, she has been trying with me and wanting to try something more. She even showed up at my house uninvited, and begged me to try with her. And it never worked out due to how we don't see eye to eye on some things, and how I felt like she was being disrespectful at times, so I would end it. But now, she is going to leave for school in a month and I told her, let's just try one more time, and try to be good before you go.

 

She said no, and that her and I just don't work. And that she was stupid for trying all those other times, but I think she's looking at this all too negatively. Her and I have grown a lot and we have resolved many conflicts we never had in the past. I think maybe she's scared to try something because she's afraid it won't work again.

 

I don't know.... I'll try my hardest not to contact her, but I am pretty much in love with her. It sucks